The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just got off the phone with the police. My AH was taken to the hospital by ambulance a short time ago. When he sobers up, he'll be charged with DUI again. After hitting a telephone pole and bouncing off a parked car, he made it home, only to pass out in the driveway where the police found him and the car. I thank God he didn't hit a car filled with people, or someone standing on the sidewalk rather than the telephone pole.
He'll be taken to the state jail/prison, for arraignment on Tuesday. Due to his recent shoplifting (booze of course) arrests, the police believe the judge will want cash bail. I don't have it, and even if I did, I wouldn't pay it. What they don't know about is his DUI conviction in New York in the early 90's, and the two he had in the past four years across the state line. I just told the sgt. we didn't always live in this state. Of course, they also towed the car, which is in both of our names, so I'll have to get that out before the charges get too high.
I'd agreed to drive him to his probation officer (for the out of state DUI) on Thursday. Guess that's off the table now, too. And what are they going to do? Put him in jail? The local police are taking care of that already. But I also guess it's really not my problem, is it? He's got to figure this out.
I'm just so bewildered . . . and I have a ton of work to get through, so I've got to get back to it.
probably not the news you wanted to hear, but it may bring about GOOD things. for my wife, jail was the best place for her. she is still in denial about having a "problem", and driving drunk and killing somebody was one of my biggest fears -- you can't take back someone else's life. he will at least get detoxed. as for what you HAVE to do --- nothing. you are ENTITLED to do..... NOTHING. his mess, he needs to RESCUE HIMSELF. time for the tough love, if love is even in the vocabulary, anymore. i let my precious little wife sit-incarcerated-all the time in the world to think about her life and her choices... for her, she just built anger and resentment. the blame was to be mine, so be it --- my reality is much different.
Get your work done, keep busy, schedule yourself time to relax, read, watch tv, relax... I'm so proud of you for working your program, and grateful you can walk this path with me and the others.
with love cj
__________________
time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Hi, I just found this page a few days ago, your story made me cringe because me H drive drunk all the time. When he dissapears, I just wait for the police to call. He has come home with mysterious dents in the car, claiming the car was hit in the parking lot by an unknown. I don't believe him because he would be furious if that was true, rather than casually mentioning it. I am so afraid he's going to drift into a jogger or something, I actually hope he gets pulled over because he wont listen to me. You know they say "careful what you wish for"? I was wondering if you were a tiny bit relieved about it. I know it's a drag and it really would be devestating to our family if my guy was arrested...
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
I'm so sorry you have to hear that. I know that gut wrenching feeling. My dh took the keys out of the ignition so he never got charged for one of them. I hate to say it but at least he's not killing anyone else by sitting in jail. They need to be there as aweful as it sounds. Even then, they just do NOT get it. Please take care of yourself tonight and take a hot bath and enjoy the New Year okay? Lots of love and prayers.
The kids are FINALLY asleep. I didn't see any reason to tell them about Daddy today. They'll find out soon enough. I did call my SIL to let her know about the latest escapade. I haven't called the A's father yet, though. He's an A, too, with lots of other problems - gambling addiction, depression, and a recently-developed stutter that makes talking with him for more than two minutes excruitiatingly difficult.
Called the tow company today, and that's already up to $175, but the car isn't driveable; I'll have to have it towed from the lot... and it may be totalled, since it's 9 years old and telephone poles are not very forgiving... so I've got to call the insurance company Tuesday to see if they'll cover anything. Since the policy doesn't cover damage that occurs during the commission of a crime, I'm not sure what they'll do.
I've resisted the urge to call the jail and find out anything... I've just kicked my AH out of my head today when he's tried to pop in.
Since I couldn't get the car, I just decided to have fun with the kids today. After church we went to watch my nephew's hockey practice. They were so excited to see the rink! From there we went to a town run New Year's Eve Family Party at the local library, and brought the nephew along, too. My oldest daughter and the nephew both won something in the raffle they had - lots of treats, crafts, games, etc. going on. They had a ton of fun!
After dinner, my sister and her daughter came over and we had a little New Year's Eve party for the kids here. They were so excited to be up until 9:30! And they're looking forward to a great 2007.
On a more "sober" note, I think this arrest has made me realize that I'm now solely responsible for my kids for the next 15+ years. My youngest turns four this week, the oldest is just 7. When AH is convicted this time, I'm pretty sure he's going to go to jail; when he gets out, he won't be able to drive for years (I'm not saying that's a bad thing in general). So I can pretty much kiss goodbye even the thought of child support for the foreseeable future....
The house is on the market, but nothing is moving in my area. When it sells, I might end up with 5K, depending on the sales price. Or I could owe 5-10K. But our credit card debt it easily over 70K. Right now I'm working part time (I'm self-employed) and bringing home just a couple hundred a week. It's getting scary. I have to work on bankruptcy stuff this week, too.
My mother thinks I should go out and find a 9 to 5 job in an office, as she put it, a "real job, like you used to have" before I had kids. I told her flat out, no way, not now. My children have lost so much recently - their home and friends, changing schools, daddy... I can't disappear for 8 hours a day, every day right now. And once things settle down after the sale of the house and the divorce, I will be able to work more hours and still be nearby.
Well, tomorrow is almost here. I've got another 10 or 15 minutes of work I need to finish tonight, so I can start planning our future tomorrow. May 2007 bring peace, serenity and happiness to each and every one of you, and sobriety to those afflicted with this horrible disease.
Imw, many hugs - sorry for your pain. In my opinion, you're working a good program and doing all the "next right things". You and your children are in my prayers.
Wow you're so strong. I was right where you are about a month and a half ago. I left the truck in the impound (also damaged) the insurance company came out and looked at it in the yard. It's still there as far as I know (my name is on it too unfortunately). I signed the voluntary repo papers and sent them in and got a check from the ins. co for 1400 payable to both me and the leinholder. You might be able to get the ins. co. out there and avoid paying the impound fees. Check it out and keep up the good work!
I was feeling pretty sorry for myself about the holidays then I read your post. I have to remind myself it can always be worse. The A paid some huge speeding ticket this November and has not been able to get back on track since. I own a vehicle with the A and it is a huge issue for me. The resentments have nearly killed me. One of my huge unentanglements is to get out from under that. I am on the way there. I see it in steps.
I feel for you. I know I have told the A in the past if he is ever arrested not to call. He was arrested one time and did not call. I don't think the truck was impounded. I am sorry you had this happen on the holidays. The a has had reckless driving and speeding but as of yet no dui I think its only a matter of time.
