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And it wasn't even to do with drinking. Though it may be related. Since the most recent 'lapse' I have started to take more of a stand against my ex partner (and A) and put more boundaries in place.
I said to him I'm not going to tell you to stop or how much to drink, I'm tired of feeling like his minder. I said whatever he does he has to realise I have the right to make the decision for myself to remove myself from the situation and not be with him. I think this has made him go into a depression and he seems to have this inner conflict and it is scary to see how much of a hold it has on him. We have a young son together and for the last 4 weekends now he has been leaving our son with me when really he is supposed to be with him for the weekend. He says when he looks at our son he thinks of me and feels angry that he can't make things work.
But if I do talk to him he is all nice and willing to do anything and making big statements of wanting to do whatever it takes for us to be a family again, including not drinking.
Then he took the thing about me saying I don't care if he drinks now to mean that I'd want to be with him if he just had 2 beers max. I just sit on the phone and roll my eyes and shake my head. I said 'Whatever.' 'If one more incident happens it's OVER.'
But I have so little patience for it now that he was rude to me on the phone today and we got into an arguement and I just said 'enough.' and hung up. He kept calling and calling and calling.. and I didn't answer. Then next thing I know he roars up the driveway in his car with our son and knocks on the door clenching his jaw and looking furious and asking to come in. I said 'why' and he just said he wants to come in, but he had all our son's things so he wanted to dump him back to me again. This is the 4th weekend in a row now.
I just shut the door and then he just left our toddler at the top of the stairs outside my apartment and went to get into his car but must have felt enough to come back and sit and wait outside. Then I hear this bang BANG BANG on the door again and he was out there for half an hour until I called the police.
Then the police said 'he seems like a reasonable guy, I think he just wanted to go out for a while and wanted you to look after baby'.. What?!! What a crock. I couldn't believe he'd lie like that. But he left in the end.
Now I wonder if this is going to drive him to drink and I have to worry all tonight until I pick up my son tommorow.
I don't want to get a trespass/protection order. It was humiliating enough having that scene outside my apartment today.
Thank you for the vent. It's such a beautiful day outside, and I've been inside crying for the last few hours, out of such a feeling of hopelessness.
The A I live with can lie incredibly well to the police. He will make up the most incredible stuff. Then he will go back to doing what he is doing.
Friends of mine have often urged me to call the police more often but I have not found them especially helpful in dealing with him. He can switch to charm in a nanosecond.
I am sorry your day was spoiled. That sounds like a very difficult day.
The A is not going to change until he gets so far down that he decides he doesn't want to live the rest of his life that way. Then and only then will he seek help and decide to change his life.
The one thing that concerns me about your post is this poor little toddler who is being shuffled back and forth like a volleyball. He is the one that will suffer the most in the final outcome of this "Getting stuck with mom or dad".
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
