The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
New to this site...not to Alanon. I am in need of a meeting for experience, strength and hope to get through a painful divorce. My heart feels like it is going to explode inside my chest. I have to go, there really is no other option but I hurt so bad today I can hardly breath.
You said that you are not new to Al-Anon, if you are attending f2f meetings get out that call list and call someone local. Call your sponsor if you have one and if you don't have one then get one.
I have no ESH as far as divorce thanks to my HP but a veteran member of my f2f meetings told me once that when things start coming down around your shoulders, STOP, THINK....what would you be doing if this hadn't happened? When you have that answer then go do that. In fact go do something, anything to get your mind redirected into another direction.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I am sure you are going through a lot...It sounds like a big step and I could never take that step however I felt its the best thing to do sometimes...I am still living with my A husband...having a hard time and many lonely evenings...now that you have made your choice you should stay strong and deal with the circumstances...if you are not attending F2F meetings, you should try to find some in your area. I always felt better after the meetings and never felt worse...I am sure it will help...try to do something nice for yourself...go for a relaxing body massage and don't feel guilty about it...you are not meant to be a sad person and happiness will show up soon...just have hope and smile. The HP is there for you and sun shines for you everyday...
I had a long talk with my H yesterday - I had ask him the day before, "where do you want to be 6 months from now? Just think about it while you are out for the day and night." Yes, he goes out and stays out Friday until Sat. morning, doesn't want to drive drunk ?!?.
Answer, who know where I'll be 6 months from now - who can know the future? But the discussion when on, what are you looking for?
Freedom, he replies, want to do what I want, when I want without you nagging and demanding to know where I'm at all the time.
Yes, I used to try to keep track, to control him but haven't since I found Al-anon and step one. Anyway I though we were drifting apart for a couple years, and hoped we would drift back together until 6 months ago when he decided to be "free" Staying out late, drinking too much, coming home smelling of smoke and cheap perfume.
Orginally, I felt like, as my therapist put it, I had been "gut shot". I hurt so deeply, so confused, so betrayed, it did feel I had been shot. But I'm healing now - I use the image to see myself getting stronger, the stitches coming out - right now it is sore and a ugly scar but I visualize it going away becoming smaller and someday will only be a little line to remind me where I was.
I ask about couples therapy again, "no way, waste of time and money" besides it hasn't been a real marriage in 5 years!
So apparently he has been putting up with me (stay at home Mom, married 18 years) for 5 years because in is handy to have someone take care of our daughter, the house, pay bills, buy groceries, do the yard work and all the many tedious things that need to be done to keep a household running. So it is up to me to decide if I want to resign as a long term employee and get on with my life or stick around, do my job and not complain because we have a nice house and a regular pay check . As of right now I will be quitting (divorce) right after the first of the year. I don't want to start the fight during the Xmas season.
I pray to God everyday (several times actually) for guidance, strength and for his blessing on all of us.
I try to remember 2 slogans, "Take it easy" and "Let go and let God"
I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now.....I know from first hand experience the hurt you feel right now.
If you feel this is the step you must take to save yourself, then you are doing the right thing...if you feel you can no longer life in the insane world of addiction...do whatever you must do to get thru.....by the grace of God, you will find your way thru.....
I have been married for 20 yrs to an Alcoholic, these past couple of yrs have been hell for me...plain and simple...my husband also has picked up the habbit of crack cocaine.. He has gone from alcohol to vicodan to crack cocaine......the sad thing is I love this man very much...I just can no longer subject myself or my children to the crazy world of addiction one more minute....we are legally seperated now...have been for the past few months....I am taking very tiny steps to a different life....I feel better inside....my heart still breaks but it is getting easier....
Stay true to your feelings and you will get thru one moment at a time and then before you know it, it's one day at a time.......Just hold on tight to gods hand and let him walk you thru it....
