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Hi everyone...my A husband came back home drunk last night and without any argue I found my little sister's pic in pieces this morning (They have had some problems in the past)...what should be my reaction when he wakes up? it has really broken my heart...should I talk about it?leave the pieces right there?or clean it up as nothing has happened? Please help me with this one...
My advice would be to pick up the pic and pack it away... with the rest of your stuff you don't want broken. Place them in your car and leave a note with an ultimatum. Then go. But I'm new, and probably broken, too.
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
My reaction would be to throw it in his face and DEMAND and explination. But that was before Al-Anon. Now I would be like you, and think about what I was going to do. But I am a great believer In Gut Instinct, go with your feeling. It's okay to ask for peoples thoughts, and opinions, But at the end of the day this is YOUR life, your choices, so listen to us by all means. But do what your heart tells you do do.
And YES I also believe(now lol), there Is a higher power with you, put you trust in It, and between the two of you I'm sure you will do the right thing.
I tend to agree with abbyal. His actions, his consequences etc. I would leave it and let him clean it up. I had a similiar situation, my A had punched a hole in the wall about the size of a grapefruit. This was something he needed to face each day he woke up (as it was in the kitchen by the table). He did fix it and I said nothing, however I cannot say if he regretted the incident or not as he said nothing either. We dont know what goes in the mind of the A's, but we all know it is futile to talk to them when they are intoxicated, and it could fuel that fire that rages within them already. let us know how you made out............................gardengal
I really appreciate your warm words...I didn't touch the picture and neither he did...I even decided to don't go into that room to avoid hurting myself...I will not touch it and will wait for him to clean up his actions! I am new in the fellowship and proud of my little thoughts and decisions...yes me before would throw it in his face or would tear off his own sister's pic...
I would just leave the mess for him to clean up, especially if he wouldn't remember doing it otherwise. They need to come face to face with their actions, not to make them feel bad, but because they need to know. Like gardengal, I have had holes in my walls.... I just let him face it the next day... he may not have remembered doing it, but when he saw it he knew that only he could have done it.
My mother and sister have had their problems with one another. For years I tried to be the mediator, I tried to fix their relationship. Neither one appreciated what they called my "interference". All it did was make both of them angry at me. I had to learn their relationship was none of my business, no matter how much it broke my heart to see them at odds.
I too would have left the mess for him to deal with. I also might have removed any precious items I didn't want destroyed and put them somewhere safe if I thought it likely that he might destroy other things of mine.
Some things are replaceable, other things aren't. He destroyed a keyboard once... I left the pieces laying all over the floor. Eventually they got picked up, and not by me. He hasn't done that again.
Hang in there. (((((((((hugs))))))))
Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Personally I would also leave it as it is and let him clean it up but at the same time I would look for the underlying cause for his actions. Did he tear the picture up because he was mad at sis or did he do it because he knows it will drive you up a wall just thinking about it.
The bottom line here is that the problems between him and your sister are theirs to work out not yours. Once you make that seperation you can go about your day in peace.
JMHO
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
Thanks my dear, I liked what you mentioned about the cause of doing this action...I did'nt think about it...but now when I think I guess both...he may want to stir me up as I usually defend her...she is my little angel, how can I let anyone to hurt her...but me defending her never made things better so this time I know the alanon tools and I will leave it...I didnt clean it up so far neither did he! pray for me, I guess I am doing the right thing...
Just like gardengal I, too, have a nice hole in the wall in the kitchen by the table. My AH tried to cover it with a calendar, but I removed it just before one of my kids' birthday parties. Everytime someone asked me what happened to the wall, I just told them to go ask my husband, so everyone would know it was him and he had to answer for it. Of course he sidestepped everytime, but inside he was dying of embarrassment, 'cause he is real big on outward appearances. It has been three years and the hole is still there, 'cause I refuse to cover up for him and clean up his messes anymore. The only problem is that he hardly ever cleans up after his "fits". The only time he cleans up his messes is when he wets the bed or pukes somewhere, 'cause he doesn't want the kids to see it and ask questions. I wish I had aome advice for you, but like you, I still don't know what to do. My gut still tells me to confront him, though I know it does no good. I am still just so angry....
