The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time to visit this site, and so far the topics seem very helpful. My fiance is an alcoholic and drug addict:( The first year of us dating he was sober. I actually met him when he had been 6 months sober. So I was never introduced to "B" the addict. Until recently that is. After a year and a half sober... he relapsed first with drinking and then with drugs. It was three times within three weeks. I have to say this is the hardest thing I've had to go through. Thus far anyway. I do not come in here pretending to know anything about addicts or alcoholism. I'm just here for help and support. I cannot continue to live the way I have since he's been home from his latest treatment. I'm constantly paranoid, untrusting, and worry at the slightest attitude change. How can I overcome this. Its hard for me to forgive the things he did while he was on the drugs, but I'd like to find a way through that as well.
Well that is my story in a tiny little nutshell. I do hope I will be welcome. This is all so new and unfamiliar to me, and awfully painful!
Welcome to our MIP family - so glad you decided to join us, but hate that you have been affected by this horrible disease of alcohlism/addiction.
It is a difficult thing to learn to "stay in our own garden of self" but with the help of an Al-Anon group, a sponsor, working the steps of recovery, MIP and the relationship with your Higher Power it is possible.
Here you will find some of us live with active A's, A's that are in recovery, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, sons, daughters, parents and/or grandchildren that are A's. We are all a little different, but yet all the same. We are all on a journey to learning to Live Happy, Joyous and Free - One Day at a Time.
I am so glad you are here to walk this journey with us.
Keep coming back, don't give up before the miracle happens in You - You deserve it,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Glad to see you here and also sorry for what you are going through. Hopefully the information, support, and other posts will help you. I am also a newbie. My b/f of 6 months is an alcoholic and since getting out of the military (2 months ago) has been drinking about a fifth of liquor a day - some days more. Some days he is functional - usually when I'm around and he limits himself to how much & how fast he drinks because he knows I'll get mad at him if he's drunk and can't do anything. Although he isn't a terrible person when he drinks he IS annoying and I don't like it. I also don't like that he drinks until he passes out and is completely dysfunctional. Not to mention that he isn't doing things that he should be doing - like actively persuing a job. In the short time that we've been together I've chosen to believe him when he says that he is going to quit. I know that he truly does WANT to. But whether he can or not is the real issue. I think one thing that I have learned here is that A's really are out of control and regardless of how long they've been clean, there is always a chance of relapse. Also, nothing that YOU DO is going to change their behavior. You can only control/change yourself and how you deal with this addiction. I know I really want to believe that things will get better but I just don't have any confidence that it will get better.
Hi 2006 and welcome to MIP. There is no doubt that regular attendance at AlAnon meetings in your area can help you begin to understand and cope with addiction. Now.......do you really, really want to spend the rest of your life facing the daily agony, frustration, sadness, resentment, and anger that is surely to come your way? Yes, they say AlAnon can bring you peace whether the abuser is drinking or not. They do say that. But it will always be there, like a spectre looming on the horizon. You are not married to him yet. This is the time to take stock of what kind of life you want in your future. If your future is with him, then by all means, get to AlAnon quickly and start the program. If you want more for yourself, I certainly could not blame you.
I send you my very best wishes for now and the future, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
((((((B))))))) these are hugs, by the way. Welcome! You will find everything you ever hoped to find, right here. Believe me. We are, and have been, where you are. You will find miracles here, and the miracle will be YOU.
Sorry you are having to go thru this. You will find a way out of the darkness and into the light by visiting this site often, going to the chatroom, (just butt right in and tell them you need to talk, if you need to. I always did!) And get to face to face meetings if at all possible. You need to do this for you. Things will get better.
Welcome to MIP! We learn from each other. It is disheartening what the disease does to them but also what it does to us. You are asking for experience, strength, and hope. But try to think long term. This didn't happen overnight to him or you. Take good care of yourself. There are lots of tools in Alanon. Consider face 2 face meetings. Keep coming back because it works.
I was married for 4 months when I discovered my husband is an a and the lies and stealing and all the other bad things came to light. I remember being very confused as to what to do. Several recovering alcoholics advised me to "run as far and as fast as I could". One recovering alcoholic told me that "alcoholics are terrible people to know. They will hurt you and bring you down". At 6 months I understood the truth of the advice I had been given. By 9 months I was dealing with physical abuse, theft, lies, mental abuse. I had to wonder if anyone would want to be in that situation. I wondered why I would continue to stay in that situation.
I went to alanon. I wasn't hearing happy stories. I read here. The majority of posts were not happy posts. I will tell you honestly that the people in Alanon scared me. Many of them were married to alcoholics and because of "love" they stayed in the relationship. I didn't feel that love meant I had to sacrafice my future. I didn't believe that my husband was the only person I could ever love or who would ever love me. I wasn't even sure that my husband loved me more than he loved his bottle. And I didn't want to come second behind a bottle. And the type of love he offered was sick.
One day I was at an art store. There was a painting of a girl walking down a path. Behind her was a beautiful colorful garden. Ahead of her was a brown forest filled with dead trees. I took this as a message from my HP. He was telling me my future with an alcoholic.
More and more I thought about the advice I had been given by the recovering alcoholics. More and more I realized that I had made a bad choice and the situation was fixable... my husband was not fixable. Both the marriage and the divorce cost me a lot. It cost me a lot of money. It cost me a lot in terms of emotional stress. It cost me a lot in terms of time. It cost me friends. It is not a mistake I will ever want to make again. It was a lesson learned at a very high price. It is now 7 months after the divorce and he is still doing harmful things like stealing my mail. I will never regret divorcing him. I do regret the day I met him. I can find no positive in the entire experience.
I will Introduce myself to you, Im Ally, 35 year old female from Scotland. I was scared, Lost, and SO alone when I found this site. It has been the best thing that ever happened to me. Between this site and my Face to Face meetings, my life has changed so much for the better.
Okay Rome wasn't built in a day, And we don't get cured In a day, But we see the path in front of us and can make a choice If we want to follow It or not. I'm glad I followed this path.
The people In theis room are just like you and I, so NEVER feel Inferior to anyone okay, we all got different stories to tell, but we all hurt, the same way. Only In here can we really Let our tears flow, our thoughts be shared, AND you get loads of HUGS!!!!
So welcome to our mad house (lol). We are a really cool group of Individuals, we also have a GREAT laugh in this room, and laughter is something which has been missing from many a life In this room. And By God we are making up for it now(lol)
Wellcome to MIP, I hope you will stay with us and GROW in your recovery.
Welcome B!!! I am very new to Alanon too. Only 2 months. I must say, that it was the most responsible decision I have made in a long time to attend Alanon. Here you will find support and the answers you are seeking. Attend regular in person meetings, read the litature, and come to MIP often. I too was untrustworthy of my AH and still am, but slowly working the steps so that I can gain the trust back. It has been difficult for me to trust my AH as he has been an on again, off again drinker for the past 9 years. When attended my first meeting I thought they were going to tell me how to fix the A in my life. Little did I realize that I needed to fix myself and that I am not alone. We have all been where you are. I am learning to fix me and not worrying about my AH and when he is going to take the next drink, if he does or what kind of attitude he is in. I focuss on how I can change me. Keep coming back and you will see the miricles working for you
) And get to face to face meetings if at all possible. You need to do this for you. Things will get better. 
