The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been receiving guidence all week from my roomies, and I love them all so much for caring enough about me to advise me on things. But I'm still LOST.(lol)
So here goes. I have a Male friend, my best friend. We have been friends a long number of years. A few years ago my feelings for him began to change. We had a moment of madness, got quite intimate with each other.(no sex).(he was sober at the time) But after that things changed between us. He found AA, and went to a new playground, with new playmates. We have remained friends In the few years, but still a world apart. Until recently we have begun to renew our friendship, we have even went one step further and got involved with each other sexually.
OMG it was lovely to be so close to him, all the feelings I have had all these years finally felt right for both of us. We never deceided to jump into a big relationship, it was just enjoy the moment, one day at a time. It started off as when we both had any time we met up. But as usual in my life,"HERE WE GO AGAIN", just when I get ANY happiness in my life, "BANG", it goes all wrong. He feels what we have is all based on LUST, So i now have to deceide what im gonna do.
Do I enjoy the moments with him, and let it be about sex, or do I say HOLD ON(lol). That is not for me. I would never have entered into this but iItrust this guy,I love him, and it felt so right.
He doesn't talk about his feelings so I'm at a loss right away with him(lol)
I have struggled all week to find an answer for this, I have prayed for guidence. And guess what, it has NOT worked.
I feel so frustrated, something in my life is good for me, but is it right for me??????????
My heart is telling me yes! my head is telling me no!, How do I let the teo of them work together for me(lol)
If anyone has any situations like mine(lol)(god help you). Please feel free to share with me.
Well, I know in my experience, alcholics in general have terrible times with feelings. It takes time for them to get comfortable having feelings, naming them and living with them. For those of us in al anon, we're not so different, where we run into problems is we become additcted to the extremes of feelings--it never occurs to us that we somehow don't need to be losing our mind to drama every minute of every day for every reason under god. This is why serenity is so annerving at first--there's no drama, no savior necessary, no nothing, and we find ourselves needing to live with and deal with ourselves. And it's terribly uncomfortable to really look in the mirror and realize *gasp!* I'm not perfect!
Having said that, it sounds like it would behoove you to talk aobut feelings with your beau. And, given his refusal and inability in the past to deal effectively with his feelings this may be a challenge for both of you, but you will know where you stand. It is better for a rock to be battered in a storm and still left standing than to be washed away and untethered to the ocean seas, and the same logic applies here--if you really wan thim in a relationship with you, honest communication is still necessary. No secret. Just direct communication.
NOW