The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I went to lunch at a local restaurant, as I was leaving in walked my A daughter & her abusive boyfriend. The boyfriend ignored me - but my daughter did acknowledge me.
We hugged & did the typical "Hey, how are you?, What are you doing?" She said, "I'll call you later"
Geez - I felt like those people in the movies that say "Yes, Let's do lunch sometime - have your people call my people"
So fake, like everything in the world is perfect - I have been saying the Serenity Prayer all the way back to work - I wish I could have told her that they finally poured our slab for our new house - that the delivery date is Monday 12/4 - that we should be in for Christmas - that I wish she was in recovery so her and her 2 children could come to the house Christmas night with the other 4 girls & other 3 grandkids - I wish I could have told her to come home with me & leave him - He's no good for her - that I'll take her to the meetings she needs - that I'll help her -
But we all know it doesn't work that way - If love could keep them sober/clean there wouldn't be a need for this site - so I hugged her neck & let her go. I know I am powerless over her choices, I know I have to allow her to walk her own path, to give her the dignity & respect to be her own person. I guess it is just sad, when you see someone you love so much & you know there is nothing really left to say. I really miss her.
Thanks so much for letting me share my pain - I usually try not to be this way - I try to be upbeat & encouraging - this afternoon I'm just not there - but I know it's ok - because like I say - together me & my God will be ok, even better than OK.
Still learning to live Happy, Joyous & Free - One Day at a Time - In spite of the pain,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Well that is tough. I think that I would not want to be in your shoes at all.
I think your being able to speak to her without drama might help though. The holidays are a time when people think of their families. Maybe you will hear from her now she has bumped into you.
Rita...I hear you dear lady! It is so tough not having things the way we've always wanted them to be. I am still glad you got to give her a hug today. I'm sure she is too!
Love ya...Gail
so happy to hear about the house. Christmas will be great for you!
You said "Thanks so much for letting me share my pain - I usually try not to be this way - I try to be upbeat & encouraging - this afternoon I'm just not there - but I know it's ok - because like I say - together me & my God will be ok, even better than OK."
I read your post and felt upbeat... not about the disappointment of another soul caught in the middle of this disease, but for the compassion I can see you have for your AD. Compassion is such a hard commodity to come by these days.
I don't think it is possible for you to post anything that will not be a comfort to someone, so thank you for sharing with me. I appreciate it!
So glad to hear you new paradise is on the way, you deserve it!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I'm so sorry you and your daughter are going through this. I think its great that you are able to let go and let God deal with your daughter. HP will work it out the best way it needs to be worked out. I think as a mother its only natural to want to hug our kids and make it all better, even when they're grown. Thank you for sharing this with us, I think it helps those of us who are also dealing with a child who's also an A. Thanks be to those blessings she does have and continue prayer around her for protection and guidance. Maybe HP will lead her to try recovery again...if not this year, maybe next year. Keep that spirit of giving her over to the God of her understanding.
Love and Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
She won't always respect our boundaries when we invite her to our home - we will not allow her abusive boyfriend to come to our home, she doesn't always agree with that so it usually makes for big "drama" & a fight between her & her Dad.
So, it is usually best for everyone if we see her at other places than our home - public places - that way if she is under the influence, then I can just get in my own vehicle and leave rather than try to convince her to leave our home.
This is just what we have found that works for us, until she decides to thoroughly commit herself to a program of recovery,
Thanks for the concern,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Rita, as always it is so uplifting to read your posts, even the ones when you feel you are not being upbeat. The part that impacted me the most was your ability to show her compassion, not crowd her with the "why don't you's" and to give her the dignity to be her own person.
As a mom of an A son I know all too well how deeply a child in trouble can hurt. It digs at your inner being and rips it apart and there is absolutely nothing we can do for them except leave them alone. The mom in us just keeps looking for some sort of wisdom that will make it right again.
Hold your head high dear lady, you deserve it.
HUGS
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I myself am in awe of your ability to understand such a painful situation with such dignity and grace. My heart is breaking for you AND your daughter to not have a close relationship with such a great mom who cares so much.
I am so glad that you know you can come here and get support and compassion back that you so freely give to others. We don't have to "pretend' everything is fine here...we have to do that enough in out relationships with our "A's", here we can be ourselves. We can cry when we need to, support others when we can, and partner with each other in finding healing and serenity.
I hope one day your daughter realizes what a blessing she has in you and takes you up on your offer to help. At least you are there...and she knows that...so when she is ready...she knows she won't have to take it anymore.
(((((((((((((((((((((Rita and daughter))))))))))))))))))))))))))
