The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I went out and got the protection order today even though I have no idea where to serve him. Now I feel so guilty. Nevermind that he broke into my house and stole food out of my children's mouths. Nevermind the fact that he said he was going to file for divorce and wanted joint custody and wasn't paying anymore support. Nevermind the fact that he went to jail, lost his job and our truck is still sitting in the impound. And I still feel guilty for doing it Why Why Why?
It is very difficult to stand back and watch someone we once loved and cared for go down , your husb has created his own mess allow him to grow up and take responsibility for this own mistakes . ((((hugs))))) our nature says rescue and save them by now u must know that we can't do that everything u have tried to do failed , because this is not your problelm to fix , it's his I hope u find the strength to step aside and let his Higher Power takes him where he needs to go.
I was told we have to step aside so God can get at him , makes sence to me but not easy . I am assuming that you are not attending Al-Anon meetings at this time , you mentioned u had no friends to help u thru this , Once settled in our program you are never alone again , good or bad there is always someone there to listen and guide you . With or with out him in your life u will have to deal with him for the rest of your life because of your children so Al-Anon will help .
You have a right go be happy and safe , you may not think so at the moment but trust me u do. Do the next right thing and u will be okay . Louise
I'm right there with you, Carolina! I also felt terrible when my A was being served with the personal protection order papers. To top it all off... about an hour after receiving the papers from my attorney, his boss came in and fired him on the spot. He worked for the company for 14 or 15 years. It was purely coincidence, but ...I felt terrible.
What helps me when I start feeling bad or guilty for the things I've had to do is to think about all the horrible stuff my A put me through. I think about the bad stuff, I get angry... my anger makes me stronger. I try not to think of the man I loved... I think about the monster he has become.
Take care of you.
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I think "arty" hit on something. Her anger makes her strong--I think that we try so hard to see the "disease"--which I know it is, but that makes them more vulnerable to us, so we forgive more and the cycle just keeps going. Realizing that they are no longer a true man/woman--for lack of a better word--but a monster created by the alcohol/drugs might help us from feeling our guilt. They are no longer who we love--while in addiction--that junk just takes over!!! We are left with no choice but to be firm/hard/unfeeling--it seems--at times.
I am sorry you are feeling bad. Just keep taking care of you and your children!!
Guilt comes in a thousand different forms from a thousand different angles. Besides what has already been said...
I think the guilt also comes because it feels like we are intentionally hurting someone and being mean. For most of us that's just not our nature. We are the saviors and the rescuers.
I even at one time felt guilt for taking care of me. It just seemed selfish. (I'm over that)..lol
(((arty)))...about your A getting papers and fired. I don't think there are any coincedences. That sounds like a 1-2 punch from HP, a wake up call. Unfortunately, many A's climb on the pity pot or sink deeper in the whole rather then simply look up.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
The only way I can do it is to keep me in the picture. That is it. I have to keep that i deserve to in the picture otherwise I am lost in a sea of guilt.
I think you feel guilty because you care. Caring people often feel guilty even people hurt us. I am in the process of letting my husband go and it is killing me, but I have to do it anyway. Your husband has choices and so does mine. At what point are they going to take reponsibilty for what they do? And at what point are we going to let them? Take care of yourself and your children.
