was reading a good article in the newspaper. It was written by a women that tries to encourage us. It was an article about how much lose brings us down. the article was so true. She talked about how letting go of things lifts a tremendos amount of weight from our shoulders.

I got to thinking about where I was this time last year. I was really full of a bunch of depression and anger. I was upset at the world. I felt abandoned and not cared about. I knew i had my daughter and my partner but, it didnt seen nearly enough. I just felt empty. I felt like I was worthless. I felt like what was my purpose to be around. I was reallly low. I was at my bottom of bottom. I was in the mist of fighting for disablity. It was really hard. I remember I had called upon God to please help me. I needed some light. well about 2 days later I got my answer. my disablity was approved. It was a relief but it was bitter sweet. It was the end of some things. It was also the beginning of some other things. I knew that i needed help I just was not ready for talking to a therapist. I knew that i was needing something. Then one day in later december I kept having alanon run through my head over and over. well it drove me insane so i did a internt search. I found a message board and i screamed as loud as u can on the internet. I got many many wonderful replyies of encouragement. So i kept searching in January i found a chat room. I was relieved I was not alone. I had not been the only one living in the nightmare of my life. It was the beginnning of some wonderful things in my life. It has not been an easy process. I have dealt with a lot of pain, sadness, anger, resentment, madness, etcccc.... All this has been part of my growing process. I have accepted that my life is to be enriched by this program but there is going to be the normal bumps in the road. After all life is already full of these bumps why not take it with a program full of so much love and acceptance. The program that accepts me as I am not as who I shall be.

I still do not know my purpose for my life but that is finally okay. I still do wonder. I guess my life is like a book that i cannot peak at the next page because that would ruin the story. Im know proud to say that one of my main purpose in my life is to be a mom to a wonderful bright young lady whom i call my daughter.