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Being very new to the Alanon group I am finding myself very shy to speak at the meetings. I am lost for words and when I do I tremble or my voice quivers with nervousness. It's very hard to speak and especially when it comes to the steps.
I was at a meeting last night and the topic was step 5. I am of course not there yet. Many members said that they knew when they were ready to do step 5. How do you know? There was also a lot of talk about going through the steps with your sponsor. I am finding it hard for myself to pick up the phone and call her. I don't know how to start things off. (with any steps) don't know what to say. . I have been doing alot of reading on the forum, but not posting much. Any tips on how to overcome this fear, shyness.. etc. I have never been a social bug unless it is talk about my work. When I am around people that are not in my field of work I have a hard time keeping a conversation going. This is probably due to the isolation that I have experienced. I want to come out of this shell but do not know how to go about it. Thanks for all your help in advance
When I first start attending meetings, I wasn't ready to work the steps - I started with the slogans. With small little battles - to gain my self-confidence. Just for Today, I would try to be a little braver - I would pray for the strength and courage to do something different - even if it wasn't something big, just something as small as stopping at a different convenience store. Then maybe calling someone for help.
One day at a time - Progress not perfection - with the grace & love of my HP - I began to have to little victories - to build that courage - to open up a little more at a meeting. The love & acceptance that was shown to me from my fellow al-anoners helped so much.
That same person, who could barely talk at a meeting is now speaking in front of crowds, as a speaker, telling her story of recovery. My HP did for me, what I could not do for myself. It's truly a God thing!!
Keep coming back, keep in touch with your HP - it will happen - don't give up before the miracle happens in You - You deserve it!!
One day at a time,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I can relate to how you are feeling right now. When I first went to Alanon I wasn't sure how to open up and talk about what was happening. I wasn't even sure if my A was an A I just felt that something was out of control and I felt and was completely out of control. I just went to meetings for the first few weeks and listened. I absorbed all the information I could. Eventually after listening to others talk about their experiences with their A's I felt myself identifying with their stories and realized how much I had in common with them. That gave me the courage to begin talking about my experience and where I was at with myself. Just take small steps and let the meetings talk to you and give you the insight and discernment you need right now. It might not be time for you to share in front of others, but you will know when that time comes. Step one is always a good place to start when your ready. Admitting our powerlessness over A'ism, but also with ourselves and our problems. Take it one day at a time and remember its not a race its a life journey and a choice to recover. Let it breathe when it needs to.
Peace,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I'm only a couple months into Al-anon myself, it has given me so much HOPE.
I cry at every meeting - but the understanding and true caring of other members keeps it from being embarassing - I really feel better getting that emotion out into the open so it can be dealt with.
"Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me."
I use to have a very hard time sharing at meetings. Like Orchid Rose, I cried at every meeting if I did try to share. Lately, I have even been the first one to share. Sometimes I feel like I have so much to offer others. It is such a good feeling. My last f2f I had people say things to me like "I cannot believe how far you have come since you first started". I have to say that sometimes when I am sharing I do start getting teary eyed and my voice seems to quiver. I take a deep breath and try to continue and hoping that my sharing is helping someone else to open up. It is so important. Sometimes...I just listen.
Just do it , we were all afraid to share our feeling s for me mainly becasue ididnt know what they were hehe. Anger I could identify but that was it. don't worry about your voice quivering it just means your thawing out. and that is a good thing.
Most of us don't think we have anything important to say when we arrive here and actually being listened to is a little un nerving at first. speak from your heart and don't worry about anything else , when u find the courage to look up and around the table u will find someone who is nodding thier head in understanding .
And I ahve learned it's okay to say I would like to pass and just listen for awhile , keep going courage will come. ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) oh yeah and there is a sponsor just waiting to be asked . listen for someone who has somethng in common or simply has what u want , ( attitude ) some one who works the steps trys to live them u will hear it in thier sharring , someone who attends meetings on a reg basis and has been in program a little longer than yourself. you will find her Louise
Nothing wrong with your voice quivering, or with bursting out in tears, for that matter.
You really can say just what you are feeling, in a meeting. That is, if you are feeling like Step five is a million miles away and you can't imagine ever getting there - say that. It will help the others, actually, because they can remember when they felt just that way, and tell you how they got from there to where they are today.
Most meetings don't mind if you stray from the topic, either. The set topic for the night may be Step Whatever, but if you have just had something happen in your life that you need to talk about, I can't imagine anyone being anything but supportive.
Newcomers often don't believe it, but they are essential to a meeting. We need your perspective, we all need to be reminded of how far we have come (and sometimes, how close we are to slipping back there). Just speak your own truth -that is what the meeting is there for.
I've been attending alanon meetings once or twice a week for the past few months. My husband and I go together, or sometimes I go alone. I went to one a few Sundays ago. A really rough day for me. I was 15 minutes late (couldn't find it) and then proceeded to cry through the (rest of) entire meeting. No one said a discouraging word. Kabbie
I'm only a couple months into Al-anon myself, it has given me so much HOPE.
I cry at every meeting - but the understanding and true caring of other members keeps it from being embarassing - I really feel better getting that emotion out into the open so it can be dealt with.
"Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me."
from Al-Anon's Just for Today
Hugs and hope to you,
C
I'm only two months in the program as well. I'm still learning the slogans and these do not come easy at times. Your words of encouragement are great for someone who has only been in the program for 2 month too. Thanks
Thanks to you all for the encouragement. I guess I'm finding it difficult to speak out as well because I have had a lot of abuse in my life including an A husband and from this have had no friends(adults) to talk to. I listen and I do absorb the info at the meetings. I can say that I come out of the meetings feeling good. It's hard at time to be patient. But I will take all your info and the info I get from my meetings at home and one day I will be able to open up and gain some friendships along the way. Thank you for being here for me.
