The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He is now almost 6 months sober and he now tells me that as a "chronic relapser" he wasn't ready to get sober. He wanted it, but wasn't ready for it.
That sentence says alot to me. I thought that if you wanted something enough you would go to any lengths to get it. How can you want something so much and still not be ready for it....even when you think your are ready?
I can only relate this to my cigarette smoking. I have all the "head" knowledge that I need and want to quit smoking. I wish I had never started; I wish I could put it down.
But evidently I don't want it bad enough to stop completely.
I guess with any addiction it is a possibility to want to stop, but not be ready. I think most people didn't want to grow up to me an alcoholic, a junkie, a crack head etc. They know it's wrong, they want to stop but just can't.
How many overweight people do we know that want to be thin? There is a way to get there, a way to control it, but until they are really ready to take the bull by the horns it doesn't happen. Same with smoking...what makes one ready to really quit and succeed after 50 failed tries? Those that try to quit know they want to, know it's bad for them...but until something in the mind snaps to attention it just doesn't happen.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Suppose you are overweight. You may want to lose the weight, but aren't ready to do what it takes to get on that proper, weight-loss diet. Seems quite simple really. How many people "want" to quit smoking, but cannot seem to put the cigs down and leave them down.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Story I heard at a meeting, about the 3rd tradition of AA: Gentleman walks into a meeting, obviosly incredibly drunk. Person who was telling the story says "Just sitting next to the guy, I was getting drunk from him!" After the meeting, gentleman who is telling this story calls his sponsor, ranting and railing; after a moment, his sponsor replies, "Did you ever think that he wants this program too? That, for one hour, just one hour, he wanted to know that he could stop? And that he would be welcomed into the fellowship of AA, no strings attached? And that you would welcome him too?"
Getting sober and staying sober are two different things. Think about all the diabetics in your life--do they always, faithfully, no questions asked, attend to all aspects of their disease? Checking their sugar--because their life depends on it? Eating at set, regular times, and not finding excuses to put of eating--because their life depends on it? Eating actual meals, not something from McD's or Burger King--because their life depends on it? Exercising regularly, weekly, not finding excuses to put off or ignore the exercise--because their life depends on it?
It's not that clean cut, is it?
Until someone makes a comeplete and total commitment to sobriety, there is nothing that a recovering individual in AA, the program of AA, or any part of AA can do for this person. Whenever a person decides that "it wasn't that bad;" "I can have just a little;" "it's not *that* important" what they're really saying is that it's not a priority, and they don't need a complete commitment to keep themselves alive.
A lot of understanding can come from getting and reading the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous. In it you will find lots of stories from the pioneers of the program as they share what they went thru to get and stay sober. The majority of members in the program today will not die sober and that is one reason that they say that they, "only have a daily reprieve." This is the most cunning, powerful and baffling disease in the world. It is nasty and takes people against their wills. It is not a moral issue, about being good or bad, right or wrong. It is about "compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body. It can never be cured. It can only be arrested by total abstinence." (the quotes come from the definition of alcoholism from the AMA manual of diseases. AMA = American Medical Association.
I can relate to the statement "wanting it - but not being ready."
It happened when I was in the process of quitting smoking. It took me several attempts to quit - but I've not had a cigarette since December 1999.
Now I am working on losing weight. I want to lsoe weight...I think I'm ready to lose weight, but I don't know how to overcome everything I need to overcome to lose weight. I've already made several attemts.
First of all, I live with chronic physical pain. I see a pain management specialist to get pain blocking shots (so I don't have to live on Vicodin or other narcotics). When I exercise, my body may or may not go into severe spasms.
When the pain begins - then depression sets in. I then begin to overeat again. I then feel guilty which causes me to continue over-eating because I failed.
Then I work on building up my self-confidence. I begin again. I don't know how to overcome all of these things. I can only work on one thing at a time. That's part of my recovery.
I know in the end I will succeed. I did with cigarettes - I will with weight loss.
Noni, I think how you described your struggle may be the same with some, if not many A's. They want to quit, try and then end up having a drink because of a "pain" somewhere in their life. Then they have guilt for failing at stopping and have another drink. It can be such a roller coaster. They to have to break down the whole recovery process into managable pieces, if they don't it is too overwhelming and they are setting themselves up for failure, I think.
Thank you Noni, for your great analogy. It is so fitting for anything that someone needs to overcome. Everything from having a totally cluttered home to being an A
