The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today is a quiet day. Breakfast with friends, Sunday papers, reading and a little cleaning up.
Yesterday I arranged to meet my A son to give him the extra key to his storage place. We decided to meet at my part time job a 1/2 hour before my work time. I had loaded my car with lots of his stuff from his move. Needless to say, he didn't show up. I turned off my phone, did my job, and when it was over found a message saying he had fallen asleep and was on his way. I only had to wait 5 minutes till he arrived, looking good. He promtly told me he needed $1000 or he would be on the street that night. Of course I said no. He told me a big story a check from his separated from wife to his landlord bouncing. We chatted. We drove off. Then he phoned with his good news that he had another new place to live and he was moving into it that night. I haven't heard anything else. I want to call and see how he is but I am resisiting because if I hear craziness, I feel like I will fall apart. Is this detaching with love?
He is on my mind most of my waking hours. He is the first thing I think of when I wake up. He is still affecting how my day goes. The only thing that is different since I started here and f2f is that I am not calling 10 times a day, giving him money, trying to figure out how to alleviate his many problems and keeping my mouth shut. But he is still always in my head. I can't stop that yet.
Looks like you have the first part of detaching with love down - acting in a detached fashion, but kindly. The second part (BEING detached) is of course harder, and takes longer. Fake it 'til you make it, as we say. You're doing great, it doesn't all come at once.
Remember that whatever path he is on, HP is waiting. Hand him over and allow life to happen. Worrying and obsessing doesn't bother anyone but you. It doesn't fix anything or help anything. I know it's easier to say then do. I did it while my husband was banging on deaths door. I had to hand him and his alcoholism over to HP to spare my own sanity. There was nothing I could do. There is nothing you can do either. I also believe that what we put out (as far as energy) is what we attract. If you constantly worry you will attract more things to worry about. Keep believing that your son will find his way. Know that it can happen. Those thoughts will be much more productive to both you..
Take care, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I so understand how you feel.......when my hub left.....I had no idea where he was...even though I was better off with him not living with me....my every waking moment was spent worrying about where he was....
Just try and breathe deep....he is fine.....A's usually are.... take it slow and easy one minute at a time...
I sure know how you feel. When my A was active and out on one of his awful 2 week-long (sometimes longer) binges, my head used to pound all the time. Like you, all I could do was think about him. And it seemed like the more I tried to occupy myself with something else to get my mind off him, the more I actually would think about him cuz I knew that whatever I found to do I was doing it to not think about him! Crazy times! Sometimes the days were sooooo long. Waiting for him to turn up (and how he'd be) was like watching candles burn - it took forever. They do say to make the body go and the mind will follow but it took quite a while before my mind would follow. I couldn't fake it. But little by little I could cope a little better and starting doing things I like just because I like doing them. And I don't think he is going to be in a state of craziness much longer just because he'll feel too sick to go on for now. Try to keep the faith, keep coming to this site, and it'll all lighten up on you......jaja
