Most of the regulars here know that at the end of September had a huge fight and he moved into a motel room (more like a tiny bungalow) where he is still staying. Abour 10 days later, our negative attitudes subsided and we were decent with each other. I've always been the type who carried a grudge for a long time and my A, on the other hand, is the type who can "get over it" within hours which doesn't necessarily mean he'd be any more sensitive to what I had on my mind about what he said or did and that it wouldn't be repeated again. It just means he'd act and talk nice again. He's like that with everyone.    Anyway, we started talking on the phone almost every day, mostly about our kids who are 'out of the nest' now. I noticed that every time he called he'd act like he was just calling to see if I'd heard from any of them that day but, knowing him, I could tell that he was testing the waters with me (which were calm) and then he's start talking about his job,etc. One day he he got very angry about someone who wasn't paying him for a job he did, and called me to tell me all about it. Then he'd come to my job (once it was 3x in one time morning. His coming, by the way, is not a problem with the manager of our tiny business) each morning for several days to tell me about the jobs he'd had lined up. And I've listened and talked about it with him. Then one morning he came here to the house at 7AM with a cup of coffee just to visit before I left for work at 7:15AM and he's not only done that a number of times, he's also come over at other hours a few times either to visit real quick or to get one of his tools. During all of these phone conversations and visits (nothing physical going on), we have been good to each other. I believe the fact that he goes to AA meetings and I go to Al-Anon has helped with that.

        But I find myself thinking about the two of us and the possibility of renewing our relationship as husband and wife. The way we are with each other feels good - none of the negative attitudes. We are friendly and it feels the way the way we would like it to be between us when we are together (but weekly programs must continue for each of us). We had not talked about this at all until yesterday morning when he came over with his coffee. I was the who initiated the subject with "what about US?" . He was not put off by me asking that but he didn't want to go into it either. He said something like," Look at what happened to us last year when we separated for a while and got back together. It was all good but then went back to the way it was before".  I told him one of the reasons was because after a while we went back to stuffing and stuffing because we couldn't talk about anything without barking at each other or copping stinking attitudes (sometimes I did the 'silent treatment'). I told him it felt like it was he was withdrawing from me and family life in general but he said it was because of me. I figured we better drop the subject but he did say he was just taking it one day at a time. I think that is a good thing. Then we did drop the subject and we finished out the visit on a good note but I wondered if he'd he lessen up the contact after that visit. I noticed that he walked out the door quicker than usual as though he wanted to prevent me from giving him a kiss good-bye ( I would've if he tried) or a rub on the arm. I felt kinda bad that he went to the door so quick. But he still not only called me that afternoon, he also called me that evening to say he wanted to come over and would I put the coffee pot on. So we had another visit with no talk about US which was fine by me..........To be honest, I think he's doing a lttle better working his program ( but I see were both are being defensive when I brought US up yesterday) than I am. I just sit here wondering how long his visits and phone calls will go on without going further than that. I don't know if I should hang onto what I'd like to see happen before long and wait for him to say something. Or should ask if I should consider us still in a relationship even though we choose to be separated at this time? I mean he's still coming over and calling. And I wait for it. But I mean if he wants to just be "out there" and maybe getting real friendly with someone else (he may be for all I know), then I'd like to know so I can forget the whole thing and move on in my own life. I sure don't want a bomb dropped on me! Am I projecting? Am I dwelling on it too much? Do I say anything? Do I leave it alone?  I'm sorry if I filled this post with too many unnecessary details but I got my mind right now......jaja