The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK, I've been around Alanon for almost a year....have done lots of reading, talking, posting, chatting, etc.
But, sometimes things just get to me. The other night, I was in the house, and A was across the street with his friend. Hubby and I always kiss each other hello and goodbye, it is a ritual for us....always.
Well, the other night, I had not seen him in the almost 4 hours that I had been home from work, because he was over there drinking. He finally came home, his friend came with him, and he came into the kitchen where I was standing, and reached for his beer cooler, said "hey baby" and went right back outside.
GGGGRRRRRR. When he came back inside, I popped off something witty like "oh, how nice it was of you to reach for your cooler before you reached for your wife who you HAVE NOT SEEN ALL DAY".
Funny thing. He didn't get mad. He just looked at me. Then he gave me a kiss. I've been getting a lot of those funny looks from him lately, when I speak up what is on my mind instead of stuffing it like I always used to. It doesn't change the way things are, but it makes me feel better to let my feelings out, since I always used to hide them. Might keep me from getting sick.
I know the 3 C's and all that. But I am human. I think it's only right to want to have my husband want me.
I know for me, anytime I'm feeling vulnerable I look for people to fill my needs. Unfortuneately, I often times go to the "empty wells"--people who have nothing to give me in terms of emotionally filling love or something like that. When I go to these people, I can expect to get burned. I can expect to get hurt. I can hurt.
I think the best thing I've learned when I need my emotional needs met is like mariese mentioned is to make friends within the program, especially sponsorship friends. My sponsorship friends are the best things since sliced bread for me: they moved me out when my father bailed; they set up my apartment when my mother made it clear that nothing my father could do would cause me bodily or mental harm (never mind she had filed for divorce 6 years earlier and moved 600 miles away...); they're there to answer my 330 am phone calls from PTSD night mares. It's better to have a sponsor and not need them than to need them and not have them.
); they're there to answer my 330 am phone calls from PTSD night mares. It's better to have a sponsor and not need them than to need them and not have them.