The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You realize now that the people who wronged you were perhaps a mixed up mess with their own very serious problems.
Though you did not like their symptoms and the way they distribute them to you, you understand their imperfections and hereby forgive them.
Realizing that they, like yourself were far, far from perfect and likely will remain so.
To the precise extent that you have permitted these resentment to continue, do you squander the hours, the very hours that your life is made of and that might have been exceptionally worth while.
But with the newly singled, like yourself, experiencing what is often 100% in charge of their own life for the first time, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.
You will find now, that it is crucial, to ever gaining full control of your new life.
For when continuing the harboring of such feeling you shut yourself off from the sunlight of growth and this second chance at a great new life.
By forgiving them and letting go of these resentments and anger, you free yourself to move on to a great new life and leave them to their self imposed prison of mediocrity.
Quotable: "Forgiveness does not mean condoning what has been done. Forgiving means abandoning your right to pay back the perpetrator in his own coin,...but...... ..... it is a loss.....
All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy." Wayne Dyer Psychotherapist, Author and Speaker
Free for public use...
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Giving to others, from the heart..is what its all about..
This is exactly what I came here looking for today. I have 'residue' left in me from anger, and that residue keeps me unhappy with my insides......Something I am trying to work on. Anyway....I think I am starting program/Steps all over again!
TY ((((phil)))) I love the last quote from Wayne Dyer. Your post helped me today since our finances aren't what they should be, and my mind keeps wandering to blaming him for the things he did in the past....hence the financial situation today. Although I did do a good job of keeping these thoughts of blame to myself.
Thanks for that insight. I've been struggling with resentments towards my now-sober A dad (not from being in an AA program), and how he treated me when I was a child, when he was an active A. Something he had said and done to me just last week when I was back home visiting has been stuck in my crawl, because it brought back memories of how it was when I was little and he would use his manipulation/degrading words to control me.
I really needed to hear what you posted. What great timing!
Well for me as an ACA as a child I was blamed for everything so for me personally Id have to say that I had to sort all that out first. I do think there is a cycle for me of resnetment over reaction blame, grief, anger, rage and then a period of actually being able to sort out wh did what and how it affects me.
I know I do a lot lot better at work with this stuff now than I ever did.
I also have to have people to talk about my daily stuff with. Daily life with or without the a is difficult. I think that is one of my primary issues with the A he is totally unavailable to me emotionally. I have now gone elsewhere for my emotional needs and that helps. I no longer feed into that cycle of resentment.
I see blame as part of a dysfunctional spiral for me. It is nevertheless learned behaivior and I don't unlearn it over night.
