The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For those who don't know, my AW and I have had a real rough time of it. Relationship really suffering and it came to a head for me on the 9th. I told her I really can't live this way any more and if she doesn't commit to a program to try and get sober that we needed to make arrangements to seperate.
Well... her apartment is ready and she is packing and getting the key right now.
I wish I could say that I was happy about this, but to be honest I just don't. I don't hurt all over inside and out like I do when she is being verbally and emotionally abusive, or when I loose my cool and yell and scream, I just feel kinda out of it.
I know in the long run this is what I need, and I don't regret putting it out there. I love my wife with all my heart and 2 of the 3 C's are just killing me. I am glad I can't cause it, but I hate that I can't control it, or cure it. I would do it for her in a minute.
It will pass, and this is likely not the worst of it... although I can't even imagine that right now. But it's a step for me that I have probably been fighting with myself over for 3 years now.
I hope you all have a great weekend. Without your help and guidence I would be a total wreck by now. Or wearing one of those cool jackets with the buckles in the back... <grinning>
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I understand the hurt of it when your A leaves. For me I wished things could be different. I even tried to rationalize his behavior in my own mind to try and figure out a way to make it work. I couldn't do it. As much as I wanted it I had to accept my HP had other plans for me. Don't know what those plans are. Which is ok by me he is taking real good care of me so far so what he has instore has to be great I have faith and trust in knowing that.
not to make light of your situation but I was close to a padded cell or so my family and friends tell me. LOL
I am saying a prayer for you and your family right now. This will pass, the horrid feelings will pass. I am glad you are posting about it. I'm sure you will have some lonely times, some worried times but keep hanging around here and hang in there. You are so strong and you deserve some peaceful time with your son. Pray for HP to guide you and your family through this painful time, and give you peace in your heart. To separate may just be the best thing to do right now, and healing may begin, in both you and her.
I always try to remember that it is possible - if AH and I split, that we could each learn to love ourselves, become two separate whole people and then really learn to love each other again and appreciate each other after we have worked on our issues. Use this time to love yourself and be strong in your program. You are SO much help here and needed. You are valuable and so is your AW, she is in God's hands now, you are letting go.
Thanks so much for being here, and my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time....(((RT)))))
Hang in there my friend. Your feelings are likely to run the gamot. And you will be riding that bucking bull of emotions...just remember to hold on tight to your program..and to all of us....and remember us "clowns" are here for ya if you fall off dat bull. We'll pick ya up, dust ya off and give ya a nice soft pillow to sit on!
I hate this expression when someone tells it to me (I think most of us do..lol) but this too, really shall pass!
This is never an easy thing for anyone (((big hug))). There's always hope. Who knows? You may be giving her just what she needs to find herself. That would be a wonderful gift.
Take Care, Christy
p.s. One of those jackets may not be so bad, it'd keep the focus on you. (as you wriggled around playing Houdini)
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
((((rtexas))) oh, guy, I hurt for you. I too, if I could, do the 2 C's to take it away from him. If I could control it, or cure it, I would give my right arm.
Hang in there. You are in the right place. We are here for you. We hurt for you and with you.
It's hard to see that this too shall pass. But it will. And maybe, just maybe, HP has something better in mind for you and your wife. We just don't ever know. And this doesn't have to be the end. It's just a little space for now. You are doing what you need to do for you and the kids.
Oh, and rtexas....if you find a good deal on those nifty white jackets, with all the shiny buckles, order me one in a medium, please. ASAP. We can be dressed as twins.
Of course it hurts - even if it is the best thing in the long run, how could it not be horrible as you live through it?
Remember, you are treating her with love, allowing her the dignity of making her own choices. This may be what she needs to reach her bottom, and may save her life.
There is hope and light at the end of the tunnel friend. Many here in this program have been through what you are experiencing. Some have divorced, some have reunited with their spouses after treatment, and some are still in limbo (separated but with no final closure) such as myself.
I truly do not know what tomorrow will bring for me, but I know this. I made it through the separation. I had lonely moments but just when I least expected it, my HP put someone in my life (a phone call, a meeting, a friend). I projected so many of the things that could have gone wrong that did not. I learned ultimately that I truly like my own company. It gives me "me time" to work on me and my program. And I found wonderful people in this great country like you "who truly understand as perhaps few others can."
Use all of your slogans before you speak during these next 24 hours and keep us very close by.
yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I am sorry that you are feeling this pain !! I wish I could say it will get easier. It has been over a month since my husband left and it is so hard !! I talk to him daily and yet I miss him so desperately ! I mourn the relationship that we COULD have had if the disease hadnt controlled him . I am just taking baby steps that is all I am capable of right now. The only thing that has gotten me thru the last few weeks are my friends both here in florida and on this board.. We have cried together more times than I care to admit.. I am sure that your emotions will be going CRAZY for the next few weeks so hold on this is a rollercoaster too..
You and your family are in my thougths and prayers..
I'm getting up the gumption to finish what little packing I have to do this weekend, it will all be ready the day I can finally get my mind to accept I really have to go.
For me giving up the desire to take care of him is harder than the seperation will be. I kick myself sometimes for coming back, going thru my own withdrawls all over again from him is a hard decision to make. I can almost see where his thoughts may be on alcohol when I look at it that way.
Anyway I can understand the pain you are feeling, and I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. I'm sorry that your situation has come to this point.
This is a HUGE step. I moved out recently. It is really hard and go through so many different emotions every day. But what really stands out for me is the sense relief I feel! I'm taking care of me now. Time for you to do the same.
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I admire your courage! You are doing the only thing you really have any control or cure of - taking care of YOU! I too moved out - I did feel a great sense of relief and freedom. The path is still bumpy and I am still uncertain of the outcome, by my HP is with me. Sounds like your HP is with you as well. I wish you an awesome journey and will keep you in my thoughts. Keep coming back, it works if you work it! :)
