The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have reached the point of full blown depression again. I cry constatly I have no intrest in any thing even the gym which has been my home away from home for 6 yrs. my husband drinks constanly he goes to the bar for lunch and stops at another bar before going home. i have such a fear of leaving yet i feel like i am slowly dying staying here. i do have wonderful friends in the meetings but feel such an empty feeling.
I met a man who is a client of mine about 4 months ago he is in a 15 year relationship with an alcoholic( on again off again, she has come back home pregnant with other mens kids) and is also verbally abused,(I've been married for 12, no kids) it is horrible I was in his home 3 weeks ago when she attacked him and was telling her little 6 year old to stop calling him daddy because he's not his father. it was diguisting! We really hit it of hung out for coffee one afternoon, and all he could say was we can't do this any more he never cheated on her in all these years. I was highly offended, I am not going to say that the thought of continuing our friendship to see if it could lead to other things in the future did not cross my mind. He is a wonderful patient guy. I know he is attracted to me, and I really like him. He has cooled off completly, I saw him last night for our appointment and it was totally business. I prayed to God every night for years to send a man my way who KNOWS the pain of living in insanity. I prayed because I know that someone who has been through such horror would appriciate me. I really respect the fact that he doesn't want to cheat on her. He just can't leave. He is stuck just as I am. He has raised and supported all of her children and is very attached to them. I am totally lost. I talk to members in my group, I pray yet I feel like I am alone and hopeless.
I start taking anti depressants when I feel like that. I took them for about 3 weeks after I moved out with the kids and then I got myself together and got busy and stopped with the meds. I am great now. I just live each day as if I am going to see where it leads and whatever happens happens. It's such a relief not to have to worry about my A anymore what he might do or think etc.
Are you a social worker? You said client and home visit.... My A husband was a client of mine 7 years ago. Be careful, you know they usually need help for a reason... I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. Sometimes the meds really help to get you motivated to start something that you can continue when you quit taking them. That's been my experience.
My dear, I see so much pain in your post. I am sorry for the emptyness you feel right now. Timing is such a factor in our lives. Maybe this person wasn't brought into your life to be a perminant fixture, but maybe to show you that there are other options out there for you. That your situation is not hopeless if things don't get better with your husband.
I could easily be that guy. The reasons for my reluctance to buddy up with lady friends comes from my desire to eliminate, not highten the chaos in my own life. My own sanity is on such a narrow ledge, that introducing more reasons for conflict of my own doing is just not possible for me right now.
That limits my options for companionship quite a bit. But with a constant barrage of accusations of seeing someone else, I need that piece of mind to say "There is no one, and no reason for you to even think there is". I have to be able to say this with a clear concience to help maintain my sanity.
Just like your friend, I have upset people because of this. They will never truly understand how much I am sorry about that. But, timing is everything and as I get healthier, and my recovery grows I hope to be able to make amends for that some day.
Until then I ask for people to understand, and they either will or they won't.
I hope that you will take that power you gave him to make you happy and turn it in on yourself at some point. You most certainly deserve it! We all do.
You always have friends here, they have been an absolute lifeline for me. I hope you will stick around and do something good for you!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I am so sorry for your pain. I know exactly how you feel, and the good news is we are here for you. I don't know exactly how I found this site, but it has been a true life-saver for me. These caring people will show you how to begin to live a life that is much happier, and you will become stronger.
I, too, went to the doctor and got antidepressants when I began to feel this way. I fought it because I didn't want to take anything, but it has helped. Also, coming here to post is a healthy thing for you. Try to make some face to face meetings if you can? I know it is a huge step but you can make so many friends that way. I go to 1-2 a week and I don't know where I would be without them, and the friendships I have made through them.
To be feeling so alone is the worst feeling in the world. That is why we are here in this program, to lift each other up. The world is such a beautiful place, and they teach you here that it is in the way that you react to situations and begin to take care of yourself that you begin to see (and feel) that beauty. You have the right to a great life just like anyone else.
I just keep repeating to myself, "don't let anyone bring you down"... read all the Alanon literature you can, make connections, and promise, you WILL feel better.
I don't know where this reading came from, but it sure has helped me on my road to recovery ~ I hope it helps you, Maria123
A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met, the desire fulfilled; their work is done.
When people come into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
You should always thank whoever it was for being a part of your life for whatever Reason, Season or Lifetime.
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Well, as I was reading your post, I was thinking of all the things I was going to say in response. These guys beat me to it, though. You got a whole lot of people who care about you here, and a whole lot of ESH. I can think of nothing more to add, except hope you keep coming back. You will find serenity here, a little at a time. Remember Easy Does It.
Well I definitely understand the reaching out to someone else because you feel so so alone. I also understand that I want someone to talk to about what the A put me through. I can also understand that you really do feel for this man's pain.
I can also see hear that you are having trouble setting limits. If you feel really uncomfortable at his house, don't go. Set limits. Limit how much you have to emotionally process.
I find this works very very very well for me. Being on overload is too hard.
