The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thank you all for your kind words. Speaking from my heart is new to me since joining this program. In my family of origin we almost never blurt out "I love you" to anyone. It was understood.... I guess.
Well I acturally sent that letter to my AW. When we talk, she seems to spend so much time trying to "win" that she never really hears what I am saying. So I sent it to her in writing this time.
Her response was..." that's not what I asked". Well, I almost chuckled because that is so typical of why I felt I should try and send my feelings in writing. She is totally incapable of normal reason. She didn't even refer to the letter at all except to tell me this morning that "she's" not the one walling us off from any friends...
It helped me that I was not despirate for a particular response from her on this. I would have loved to have her take it as a loving and caring display of my devotion to this relationship, but I know that without her telling me.
You guys and this program get all the credit for my stability on this. I would have fallen apart a few years ago if I had put my heart on the line like that and she didn't react the way I wanted her to.
I hope you are all having a great day. I am thinking about volunteering to work all weekend. LOL
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
For me one thing that I really need from this site is affirmations that I really should get from hubby, but he is unable to give. It is so nice to have that here.
Somtimes my hubby goes back when he is in a clear head and rereads a letter I wrote him and he can see the letter for the intention I meant it to come out as. And sometimes he reacts angry to a letter I have written, and most of the time that is because I have hit too close to home for his comfort.
Once again I remember that I have control over me and me only.
Take care of yourself rt.
Yours in recovery,
Mandy (Dolphin123)
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
(((rtexas))) When I write letters or notes to my husband, he seldom, if ever responds in the way I expect, or wish him to. Often, my outpouring of emotion backfires. I have mostly learned to write, then destroy letters to my AH. This way, I at least get the emotion out, and I don't have to deal with his reaction.
I think this board, and chatroom have helped me immensely in this regard, as I can type, and type, and get out my feelings. Of course, I look forward to responses, but even if the person responding and I don't agree, I am not hurt the way I am when my AH responds irrationally.
Your wife must be a very lucky woman, in my opinion. Keep on workin' your program!
It stinks when if feels like no matter what approach or how hard we try to reach the A they are just not capable of understanding or hearing the truth. I would think that hearing truth from our partners as a healthy mature act of love but A's hear "I'm bad" or "I'm the guilty one in our problems"; which I don't believe you even eluded to. Its awesome that you are recognizing how emotionally deficient your AW has become due to the disease. The lower she goes the greater the possibility of her getting sober. Take care.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
