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Well, a lot has happened in the last 48 hours and i am falling to pieces. Monday I confronted my husband ( my A) about a girl he met in a bar about a month ago.. He said that he had been talking to someone but they were just friends. They hadnt seen each other since the night they met although they had talked. I was furious, i told him to pack his stuff and get out NOW... !! But not before I threw a picture and a phone. I feel so betrayed, so angry that after all the BS that I have put up with now I am expected to swallow this.. Tuesday, he came back to the house to get his stuff and got the camper where he is now a resident of some campground here locally. Last night we talked and he told me they were just friends but wouldnt committ to not seeing her or talking with her. I feel like such a FOOL, I have stayed awake most of the night.. Why am i allowing him to do this to me ? I am his wife and HE was/is WRONG yet he has turned it around so that I AM THE BAD GUY !! I can not believe that after 20 years together it has come to this... What a fool I am, what does it have to take to make we walk away from this without hurt but with only anger.. I am literally sick to my stomache, I always knew he had a drinking problem but another woman ?? This is NEW, I just want to go FIND him and see if he is with her now.. But I wouldnt know even where to begin looking.. And what would happen if i did ? What would it change ? This hurts so much more than being rejected for alcohol !!
How do i get thru this ? I just dont know how to get thru this... I am praying every minute and here I sit... close to 4 am and have the pit in my stomache..
((((T)))) Oh I so feel for you. Please keep praying and know that I will be praying for you, too. You are right. It wouldn't matter if you found him. What would you do if you found them together? It may confirm something to you but it would probably just bring more pain. Focus on the things you CAN do. You can pray. You can go to meetings. You can meditate. You can try to distract yourself. I know all of those things are so hard to think of when you're in this situation, but please be kind to yourself.
I know it doesn't seem like it at this moment but "this too shall pass"
Hold on and try to turn him over to his HP. Ask your HP to help you to get through this. Keep asking until you feel some relief. Stay centered on what is the next right thing to do.
I am so sorry that you are going thru this. Try, as hard as it may seem, to keep the focus on yourself and give him to God. Do something good for yourself today. I'm not sure if you are going to f2f meetings but if you're not it may be a good time to find one in your area. Don't allow him to turn this around on you. You did nothing wrong. Alcoholics are good at trying to turn things around on someone else to keep from facing responsibility. You will be in my prayers Tammy.
Perhaps the hurt you're feeling is for the relationship that once was. I don't think it is possible, at least not for me, to walk away from a relationship without feeling hurt. It's human nature. You know it's okay to grieve for that past relationship. It's similar to grieving for a loved one who is no longer with us. We have to need goodbye to it. You're human that's why we can't walk away and just be angry. We put alot of love, time and energy into our relationships. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Try to keep calm, and please do not think for one minute you are in any way to blame! Pray and LISTEN to your HP, let go of desperation, you are not alone and not desperate, it just feels that way at the moment. Try to get to a face to face meeting today, if you can.
Try hard to stay focused so your thoughts wont be distorted, I know it is hard but you need to love yourself today more than you ever have, you are a beautiful person who deserves to be loved not mistreated.
I am so sorry for you. Give yourself the time to absorb the shock of the situation. When I am in this state of mind I find it helpful to simply decide not to make any decisions until I am calm. I also meditate on the serenity prayer, eventually it helps me gain perspective on what decisions I have control over. HP be with you.
There's no "right" way nor a "wrong" way to "handle" the ending of a relationship, if that's what you've determined this is. Whenever we've found out that what we've taken for granted isn't reliable anymore, our immediate reaction is denial--"Are you sure? You're kidding me! No! This can't be right! I must be delusional..." And that's normal, we want to hold on to what we know--I mean, think about it. The first night that a little kid moves from a crib to a "big kid bed" they go nuts! It's like "Are you kidding? I'm not gonna handle this! I can't do this! What are you doing..." We've lost our "womb:" we've lost our protection. But denial becomes dangerous when we LIVE in it to the point that it disables us, and this is what our literature emphasizes with things like, "Denial is more than a river in egypt" or "Denial is an acronym for Don't Even Notice I Am Lying [to myself]." But there's a reason our next stage is out rage. When we realize what we're dealing with IS reality, HELL YEAH it's painful; it's OVER WHELMING. It's INTENSE. It's a "I CANNOT believe that I of ALL PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH have to deal with THIS!" feeling. And again, it's when this feeling becomes overpowering to the point of disabling. Again, go back to the little kid going to the big kid bed: They SCREAM at the top of their lungs, raisin all kinds of hell. The key here is to be honest with yourself. To be in complete touch with your feelings, no matter how devastating they feel. Talking with a sponsor will help, or with a councelor. Journaling is HUGE here, because many many many of our members have found themselves writing the "Grudge" letters, the ones you dont send, in their journals, and have found this brings them HUGE amounts of relief. Lastly, talk with recovering people, because it's important to realize that people who have experienced this are going to understand the best what it's like to be completely knocked off your horse, and have the world expect you to get back on it.
I don't know if you have read any of my posts lately but I have just gone through the exact same thing with my AH of 17 years. It is a horrible, aching experience. He won't come clean either, says they are just friends. You have to remember that he needs someone to be sick with. I found out some information through AH's brother that they were actually together and found cell phone bills, it was nauseating. I am still shellshocked about it, really.
I feel your pain. I am so sorry. Please know that it wasn't anything that YOU did. It has been a couple of weeks since I found out and I am still so shocked and stressed. Try to talk to a good friend and cry it out. It is a horrible panicked shock feeling. Please send me a Private message if you want. I know exactly where you are and the pain is unbearable. I thought I was my AH's one and only, best friend. When I found out about this it was earth-shattering.
Day by day I am becoming calmer, but you have to post about it, talk to someone.... I am praying for you... pray for you too!!!
