The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a long history with my son's father an A. 18 years, we have had alot of problems lately in reguards to our son. I haven't really talked to him since I joined recovery. But my son had made a decission I had to respect his thoughts and opinions as he is growing in being a teenager. He wanted to go stay with his father. I was concerned because I would miss him, and still worried if it was in my son's best interest to go. But it was what my son wanted. I let him go. It was to be for a short time. He came back even before that time was up. We sat down and talked and he told me what he wanted to do. So I had him call his dad and tell him in his own words why he wanted to stay with me. Then I talked to him (son's dad) he was hurt and didn't understand why he changed his mind. I tried to explain to him that he wants more time with you but he wants to live here. I told him it isn't because of anything you have done it is because that is what he wants right now later down the road who knows what will happen. I had a peace in my heart so I asked him to come to the house and we would all talk about everything and try and find the best solution for everyone.
He came over and we all talked and talked and talked. He mentioned to me he isn't activily drinking like he used to. But I didn't care doesn't bother me if he is or isn't. All of the sudden I felt myself telling him how he made me feel way back then and how scared and hurt, and resentful, I was back then. How I was scared for my well being and my son's well being back then. I appologized to him for my bad behavior back then because I know it wasn't just him. I gave him a chance to tell me his side of things. I also asked him to tell me things that I did back then so I could see and address things that I had done back then so we could both hopefully move on with our separate lifes in a possitive way. It was a good night. I miss his and I's friendship, in my heart I know that is all we could be is friends. But for me last night was a pivital part of my recovery because he had the biggest impact on me in my life, he was the first A I had lived with. Was a hard night facing all the old emotional scars but one that I wished I would have done years ago. I really do appreciate this program. More and more each day.
As I read your post I am so glad that you had the courage to work throught that, and almost more importantly that he was healthy enough at that time to participate in it.
One of the things that I grieve so much right now is the fact that my AW who is very active is just simply not capable of having a conversation like that. We used to talk about everything, and now only the bare minimum is productive. What do you want for supper, and who is going to pick up the kiddo... anything else is just not based in reality any more.
I am so happy for you in leaping another hurdle in your recovery and thanks for sharing it with us!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
