The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to say hi and let you know what's up with me. This summer has been a whirlwind as I have been making 3 or 4 ftf meetings a week even in the TX heat with no a/c in my car! I have been proud of myself that I (gasp - are you sititng down for this one) - I ASKED FOR HELP. I asked for rides when it was really bad. Progress :) I celebrated my 3rd year Alanon bday in August. I still struggle with my 24/7 chronic pain, migraines, health problems, etc. In between meetings I have had to recover from the pain and heat. I have not had much time to be on the computer - but I keep my MIP friends in my thoughts and prayers. I am WORKING my steps furiously. It feels good to get out of myself and be around people again. I even signed up to help get speakers - I don't know any speakers - lol. Oh well, HP has a plan and a sense of humor - huh?
In the meantime, I herniated C6&C7 discs in my neck and will have an epidural steroid. I have turned over my fears about this, but would covet your prayers. This whole year, I have heard from HP that life is short. In May, I put Sadie down, had my own close call in the ER, lost a young cousin's wife to cancer, my friend lost her 24 yr. old daughter to drugs/suicide and my list goes on. My fear is about death - fear - not a fact. The fear is that I don't have control over my own death, the timing, the circumstances, my reactions to drugs put in IV's, etc. I have put this on my powerless list, prayed about it, put it in my God box and turned it over. I still don't like putting my life in the hand's of medical people who just want to avoid lawsuits. I'm also doing my part - talking to doctor's, asking questions, etc. I am also powerless over all my unfinished stepwork - unfinished business at this point. I heard recently to remember in step 3 where it says to turn myself over to the CARE of God - CARE not Hate or anger. Thy will be done.
I have much to be grateful for - my friends, my group, my family, MIP. I am grateful for ya'll teaching me to be gentle with myself, progress not perfection, and to act as if i will be cared for.
3 years ago, when I came in to my group, I sat in the back with my head down, feeling unworthy and ashamed, humiliated, because I grew up learning "don't talk, don't feel" - I didn't think I was important. Today, I sit at the table not less than, not better than, but equal to this family - where we all "eat at the same table". I feel like it is safe to share my feelings - shed the shame, I can laugh, I can cry. I am free to love and be loved for who I am. I am home.
It's so good to see your post! I'm so glad you are getting out, WOW -- 3/4 meeting a wk -- you go Girl! You sound so positive and upbeat. This program is pretty amazing, it really does work if you work it.
As you continue to let go of negative perceptions about yourself, what is left? Your amazing heart, filled with light and love. And THAT part of life is not short, it is eternal. You are doing wonderfully well.
What an amazing positive, wonderful post. You sound very spiritually grounded, which is one of the most important things in this program.
I am praying for your physical health and your continued strength in recovery. It sounds like you have come a long way and it is really inspiring!!! Good for you to post a positive one, I just kind of posted a miserable one and didn't mean to bring anyone down. It was great to read of progress that you are making!!!!
What an uplifting share. I am sorry you have not been well and had to deal with so much. I am impressed that you make such a sincere effort in your program. I find it inspiring. Thankyou for posting.
Thanks a million for your support and prayers - I'll keep you informed of my progress. I'm so grateful for each of you and what you bring to the program.
This program is pretty amazing, it really does work if you work it.