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Hello Yesterday, while high on cocaine, my A husband was understanding about being served with divorce papers. Yesterday we agreed to be pleasant about this and maintain a friendly relationship. He was apologetic about how he has screwed us up financially and otherwise.
Today, the drugs have worn off. Now I'm the bad guy. He's telling me I didn't live up to the "in sickness and in health" marriage vows. I think 5 years of putting up with his addictions and trying to make things work should count for something. What about all the times he told me that he wasn't going to get any help, he was just going to continue using and being a drunk and that I should just divorce him?! What about all the nights he could have come home to me instead of going to a bar? What about those nights that he didn't even call or bother to come home at all?! What about trying to pay the bills when he takes most of his paycheck and spends it on drugs and alcohol?!
I'm remaining firm in my decision. I'm trying to ignore the pouting and moping and guilt inflicting. I know I'm doing what is best for me. I can no longer financially or otherwise be with him. I will have no future if I stay with him. I need to take care of myself and start working on my future.
Thanks for letting me vent!
Artygirl
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Mine was normal on heroin. He just did enough to feel like him. He didn't do it for a high.
So he was quite pleasant. But when he needed more, omg.
Anyway you are right. As far as your vows, does not mean you are leaving him so much as you are protecting yourself.
Remember it is not your H talking anyway, it is your AH.
It is horribly hard I know. So what next? Are you moving out or?
Hope you don't feel too bitter. Remember he is sick. Like someones told me on here, bitterness and anger just makes us sick.
We of course, are going to feel it sometimes. that is natural. But in my experience that goes away, usually cuz i write it down and put it away, then I go back to taking care of me, and not thinking about him.
well one day at a time and i am glad you are keeping us updated.
Good for you .. Stay firm and dont let guilt effect your decisions.. Follow your head and make your heart stay out of it... ( at least for me that is the case ) Good Luck in whatever you decide..
I used to get that from my husband, whenever I talked about leaving "Fine, go ahead, leave me, but then it will be YOU who gave up on the marriage, not me" I fell for it, too! No mention of all the vows HE broke, oh no.
You have the right to protect yourself from his disease, don't let him guilt you out of it.
Yeah, it's interesting how when a person is in shock there's really nothing they can't deal with. It sounds like your husband is in the "OMG reality has finally hit" phase.
What I did when my father was in the "OMG...." phase was physically stay busy or be absent. I was at the YMCA, I was at class, I was packing to move, et cetera.
My lawyer has drawn up papers allowing me to stay in the house. The AH is still staying here right now. He claims he has no where to go. The few friends that he has left have told him he's too messed up and they don't want drugs in their houses. I think his sister, who lives in town, has offered to let him stay there for a bit. I would like him to move out soon. I'm ready for some peace around here!
I'm not feeling bitter. I'm not even that angry anymore. I know he's sick. I wish that he wasn't and that I didn't have to do this to him. I'm just protecting myself from any further financial ruin. I'm getting myself away from this horrible disease. I still love the man behind the disease. I probably always will. Maybe someday if he gets the help he needs I can be around him again.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I appreciate you all so much!
Artygirl
-- Edited by artygirl at 19:04, 2006-09-07
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
