The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
HAVEN'T POSTED IN A WHILE. TRYING TO TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME WITH EX/ABF. As I found out he was cheating! Confronted her,(she was very nice and realized he was using both of us) then confronted him (denied everything and turned it all on me) then I told myself I had closed another chapter in my life and am starting a new one. He completly removed his 7 year old son (who I love very much) from my life. I don't get to see him at all. Then this past week-end he called me 4 times (i didn't answer) left one message. (If I die you'll know who did it. Is in trouble with some of his drug friends) Drives by my house every day to and from work.
Then yesterday I walked out of my job. I just couldn't take all the bull$%T that has been going on. (I'm tired of people using me and abusing me, I'm just not going to take it any more) I have never walked off a job in my life. I called my children and had a long talk with them. They agreed I did the best thing for me. But now I'm so scared! What's next for me?
I've always worked and can do just about anything. I'm just so unsure of myself at this time in my life and really don't know what I want to really do. But I can't sit around very long as I have bills to pay. I wish I could afford to leave for about a month and just do nothing. I need to get my head together and figure out what's next for me.
Another chapter in my life has begun.
I've lost my faith in some people. Can't beleive what some people will do to another. especially one that is always trying to do the right things and is kind and good.
Haven't been to a ftf meeting yet. but I am on this site and others constantlly. I am learning so much and beleive this is where I need to be in my life. I just want a simple life.
Got rid of the ex/bf and am realizing it is the best thing I have did for my self in a long time. Now, My A brother also lives with me. and every day it is something. He is a disabled vet. no driver's liscence (so he depends on me to get him around) Going today for urine test to get a job. Recieves money every month from goverment. (that helps) has been detoxing for three days because of new job. Has been living with me for about 4 months. Drinks every day and night. Says he's going to quit, but isn't gonna get rid of his case of beer that is here? Hello!! I' ready for him to leave my house. I don't need this in my life. This is. the third time he has lived with me and it always ends up with us fighting and I tell him to leave . He is 52 years old and I am not his mother or wife.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm just so tired of all the s$%t going on in my life. I just want it to be over.
Just the simple life. If there is such a thing?
Sometimes I wish I had a little cabin in the woods where I could live and nobody would bother me. Sad Uh!
But I'm not giving up!!! So I guess I'm gonna have to get stronger!
My sister and I were just talking about that the other day. I use to feel like just up and leaving, all by myself, and going somewhere that I did not have to know about anything going on in my now life. I think sis still feels that way. She has the teenager now. I was there. I have a supporting husband that I do not want to get away from.
Hang in there!!!! I'm sure somewhere there is a lesson in all this.
Today's Peanut's cartoon has a lot of truth in it for me. It shows Charlie Brown complaining about how life is just this tidal wave of stress and events, then Linus turns and asks, "Did you want a chance to 'warm up' first?"
I think when we look at life as a "Why is this happening to me?" what we're really asking is "Why don't I see other people suffering?" I also think that what I don't see when I ask that question is that other people ARE suffering. In the book WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE, the writer discusses that each of us is suffering to some degree or another--people who we deem as "bad" are already suffering and have been for quite sometime; it's just that 1) we are victims of their suffering (i.e., hurting people hurt others), and 2) we don't see the full extent of their suffering in the private lives, which means that their immediate families, their pets their immediate working colleagues get the brunt of the pain. Additionally, the writer discusses that God does not "allow" for hurricanes, earthquakes, whatever to just "happen;" he believes that there is such a thing as fate, destiny. I also know from experience that karma is a force to be reckoned with--what goes around DOES come around, and sending love into the universe is the most powerful, most honest step I can take.
I really really feel your confusion, pain and panic. I have been feeling the same lately. What else can happen???? Truly, it seems like things go nuts all at once. It sounds like you need to sit in a quiet place for a while, and just "be". It sounds nuts but when I have quiet time every day it helps slow my mind down.
You will be stronger for going through this. It seems like the end of the world now but keep reading and posting here and other boards, and try to go to face to face meetings. I felt like I was going to die last week and was just sleeping and isolating. I decided I was going to get up and get out into the world. I feel better, slowly. There are people out in the world that need your help and love. Reach out and try to help someone else if you can. It does wonders for your mood and helps someone else in need.
I am praying for you, Sis. I KNOW the awful pain that you are feeling, the uncertainty. You are in the right place and you are not alone. Also, remember to pray, pray and pray some more. I pray out loud. It helps so much to tell God that I am confused, I am scared, I need him to guide me through this time.
Please hang in there. Love and Many many (((HUGS)))))
