The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just got back from Michigan from a VERY stressful weekend (4 days long) to visit my granddaughter who is two. I live in Ohio. The baby is my AH's son's girlfriend's baby, but I couldn't love her more if she were my own flesh and blood.
We went camping. OMG. My AH acted like a jerk before we left for the trip, pouted and said he wasn't going to go. Well, fine, I said I was going anyway. He apologized, and we went. We drove 6 hours, met up with his son (25), who is also an A, and the baby's Mom (21), who is not, and the baby, Cadience (turned 2 in April) I like my step-son's girlfriend a lot. She has a long road ahead of her with my step-son. He is just like his dad, and his mom (my A's ex-wife)is an A too.
Anyway, we had the two tents set up. My AH and I had already eaten, then My AH got mad cos his son, Corey, was taking too long to cook the steaks for him and the girlfriend. Who cared how long it took??? We were camped for 4 nights! I put two small sticks on the fire, then AH started throwing big logs on it. Mad at me for putting the two small sticks. Said he wanted a divorce (again), was saying F-you loud enough for the baby to hear from the tent she was in. OMG! Told him calmly not to talk to me that way, he said "I will talk to you anyway I want to." I had to just go in the tent and go to sleep, I felt like I would explode.
It was like that off and on all weekend. Him and his son drinking, being jerks to me and the girl. One afternoon, she left and went to her Mom's taking him with her. A little while later, some guy dropped him off and left. Then she called my cell phone, said she wasn't coming back to the camp, because they were fighting. I told her I would leave the campsite and walk down to the beach where they were having rock-painting with the kids. I hung up, walked over to my husband and his son who were sitting on the picnic bench. I said in a nice even tone, "I don't know why you guys feel like you have to fight and be mean all the time with us over everything. I came up here to see Cadience, not to watch you guys get drunk and mean. I am going to meet T. (the girlfriend) and the baby and we are going to play. If you guys want to sit here and call EACH OTHER names, go ahead." They both looked at me with their mouths open, And I walked away.
When we took the baby back to the campsite later, both of the guys were pretty nice for a while. My step son later told the girlfriend thanks a lot for making me mad. I told him that HE made me mad, not her. God, don't they ever get it.
Anyway, I loved seeing my granddaughter, but she is so spoiled. Since she had her hip surgery and was in a cast 6 weeks, and couldn't walk for a few more weeks, she got waited on hand and foot. Now she is 2 and a half, and boy is she having the TERRIBLE TWOS! She can be so sweet, but when she's in a bad mood, watch out, she's a little hellion. I told her Mommy she was gonna have to stop giving in to her when she throws a fit. That's how her Daddy turned out to be such a jerk.
Anyway, I got lots of hugs and kisses, and a canvas bag with her picture on it and she stamped "I Love My Gramma" by herself. Kinda smeared, but so precious. We had lots of fun swimming, playing in the sand, and hiding from "Monsters" in the tent (her idea, she thinks Monsters are fun). We did lots of screaming and hiding (the fun kind of screaming, though!) I bet the people who camped by us were glad to see us leave! LOL. It was either the drunks being loud, or me and Cadience screaming "Oh, no! It's MONSTERS!" and shaking the tent! I had her laughing so hard she couldn't breathe! She would yell "Save me, Gramma" and I would pile all the pillows on her and then she'd jump out and scare me. I am worn out.
Will write more later. Thanks for being here always for me. I actually couldn't wait to get home and back online.
Hope you all had a more peaceful Labor Day Holiday than I did. 2 Alcoholics and a two year old don't make for a very restful time! Know what I mean? I thought so.
So glad you made it back in one piece! Wow, that sounds immensely stressful. I hate fighting, don't you? What is so sad is the alcoholics don't even see the chaos that they are causing, and it could have been a really great time! I love camping.
It sounds like you were very controlled and detached well. It is such a challenge to do that, especially when someone is yelling at you and berating you for doing things like throwing sticks into the fire! Nothing makes my mood worse then AH getting upset over something so trivial like that.... and then it seems they just keep on talking about it when they are drunk!
I am glad you had a great time with your granddaughter though... they keep you going, don't they!!! Especially in the terrible twos. My nephew is continuing on to his terrible FOURS!!! But I love him and his brother.
Becky, I'm sorry your weekend was stressful, but you really sound like you are using your tools well. It is so hard and such a letdown to have a great camping weekend (or any weekend for that matter) planned and then have someone ruin it for you (and it sounds like the girlfriend too).
Maybe next time you girls can just go do something fun together! It seems it is a whole lot more peaceful and less stress when you just go do your own thing.
I hope you are enjoying the moment today and relaxing a bit wherever you may be! I know I have to daily remind myself of the great things in my life and where I was before. This journey is in such baby steps, it is tough sometimes to remember how bad you once felt! Your coping skills sound really good, even though you may not feel strong. Thanks for posting....
Thanks Kari and Hersh for your kind replies. I got all teary-eyed just reading them. Last night was horrible, A got very drunk and verbally abusive. Said if we got divorced that I would lose any rights to the grandbaby. I know that is not true, as I talked to the baby's mommy, and told her over the weekend that A had mentioned that when she got a little older, maybe she could come and stay a week with us. Her reply was "Not if he's still drinking! I don't even let my own father take her, cos he's a drunk too." She said she would trust me with the baby, she knows I would take good care of her. But with the A-grandpa around, nope. We never know when he's going to fly off the handle, and he can't control it even for his granddaughter.
It helps me realize how much of a disease this is. He can't even spend a few days with this beautiful little girl without being wasted. Very sad.
Thanks again, guys. Your words gave me just the lift I needed today, as I have been a little down, just tired dealing.
