The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I will be so happy to see this long weekend end. No good comes of long holiday weekends for us. The problem isn't drinking today...it is not drinking. Once again my son has decided he has had enough of the alcohol and says he is finished. I say "when polar bears live in trees"....not to him, of course. I have heard this before. He is not a drinker who gets messy, gets into legal trouble, gets abusive, gets sick or anything. He just drinks to medicate something deeper and removes himself from life. This behavior caused a very very quick divorce from his ex with severe visitation penalities for the baby. He had no legal counsel on this, did not tell us anything about it, and before we knew it, it was over and he was in shock. If this sounds impossible, trust me, it isn't...not with my ex DIL....she knows her way around the system and used it. So, this weekend he has decided it needs to stop and he will quit as she demanded 90 days ago or so. Too little, too late. We have had a traumatic day today with me sobbing constantly as I listened to him pour out his woes. I tried to avoid that but didn't work. Happened on the phone and finally in person. So sad and it is causing me to have major health issues from the stress. I have lost control today big time. I will start over tomorrow if I can muster the strength as I begin my "work week" caring for the precious baby that came out of this chaotic relationship. Thanks for listening. As I read this it sounds somewhat crazy but that is how I am feeling.
Gosh I can relate to this one. I tend to take on everyone's problems. These days I do not do that as much. I set limits. Limit setting and boundaries are difficult stuff.
I can understand your anguish over your son's legal issues. I live with someone who tends to bury his head in the sand over a lot of things. I used to take them on. I think part of al-anon these days for me is allowing him to make and correct his own mistakes. I have a hard enough time of correcting my own.
I can also very very very much relate to the stress/health issues. I have nearly killed myself over doing for others. In fact I did I was hospitalized once twice in a year simply because I could not say no and did not know how to take care of myself.
you will learn a lot being here. I have. You will also have access to a lot of people who will inspire you and take you under their wing. They will help you sort out what you can do and what you can't. So congratulations you are in the right place and beginning a journey that will bring you a lot of joy and understanding and compassion.
He just drinks to medicate something deeper and removes himself from life.
That is so true!! I am sorry you had such a trying weekend. It is stressful. The worrying, crying, projecting, wondering and all the other crap that goes with it. I was kind of there myself. Isolating, overeating, crying, laying in bed...all the things that the stress and depression do to you.
My son found out Friday night that his soon to be ex has met someone and is dating. She told him because she wanted to let this person meet his daughters this weekend. Well, it looks like he is not handling it very well. There was a message on my voicemail last night from him that I could barely understand. He must have been very drunk. He was to start a new job this morning but who knows if he did/could. I have to let it go because I cannot live a healthy life when all I think about is his life.
(((Omajoy))) I hope you are feeling better today. I will pray for your son and you today.
Just an idea, but have you ever done an inventory of how holidays for you in the past were? I'm actually doing one now. I'm writing on Thanksgivings, and a pattern is emerging when it comes to my family and holidays: we were together or we weren't; we were in synagouge or we weren't; we were drunk as fish or miserably sober to the point that I wanted to be drunk; either the bills were paid, and there were presents as far as the eye could see, or we were dead ass broke and there was nothing for no one; et cetera.
The reason I ask is that until I sat down and did this, going from the current year of holidays to my earliest memory of holidays, I didn't realize why it is that I feel so scared to be alone ON holidays; so ambivalent about holidays; so uncomfortable. And now I do--things were so unstable from year to year, so uncertain, that it's no wonder I have such colorful memories of the holidays: there were holidays that were either absolutely excellent or downright miserable. Now that I have this awareness, I'm learning that I can have type of holiday that meets in the middle: I spent this labor day weekend with recovery buddies, and I worked the labor day sale where I worked. I'm learning, however slowly, that the way I've lived in the past DOES NOT have to be the way I live today.
I'm learning, however slowly, that the way I've lived in the past DOES NOT have to be the way I live today.