The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so unfamiliar with this anger. It comes on me BOOM. I am left to repent, but how do I avoid it in the first place? Any advice is welcome. thank you Jill
I'll tell you some of the things that kinda work for me.
Sometimes you can see the occasion for anger coming, from a ways away. I used to work myself up to it, to stoke my anger and get it good and hot "Late again, I'll bet he's drinking, no I'll bet he's drinking AND screwing around...." Now when I feel myself doing that, I deliberately stop and find something else to think about - hard physical labour is useful here.
Walking away helps to minimize regret, when the anger is upon you and you don't know what you might do. There was a time in my life when my dog was so darn healthy - he got so many late night walks. Grab my jacket and the leash and just take off for an hour or so.
Venting is useful - come here or some other safe place and just pour it all out.
Some people say counting to ten, saying the serenity prayer over and over, things like that, are good, but they don't work for me too well.
I also want to add that anger can be a useful emotion - it tells us when we are getting a raw deal. Sometimes it is entirely justified - you just don't want to be doing things are not in your best interest while angry.
I find my anger helps me want to set boundaries. Don't always do it after the anger wears off but it does start to get me thinking about it. I guess, eventually, I will get enough and actually set those boundaries and stick to them.
Just some ideas, but I had to get a sponsor, start working the steps, and get to the 4th and 5th step. Then after a hard core 4th and 5th step--where ALL of my dark secrets came out--I sought professional help. Most of what was on my 4th step list was of a very dark and serious nature--incest; domestic violence; my own history with drugs and alchol. And it was felt that 1) these issues will not "resolve on their own." These issues, it was felt would need professional intervention because of how I saw men and women: I felt that a) women would always abandon me or set me up to be ambushed; and b) men would always inherently rape, beat, and hurt me to the point that I would be helpless, hopeless and completely out of control. Obviously, this was concerning; I am relieved to say my prospective in these things has changed.
The next reason I sought professional help was 2) my anger and feelings were so extreme they were scary. I am not proud to say this, but I scared police officers, offensive football players, and anger management councelors with how angry I was. My explosions made nuclear bombs look tame. When I got down to the roots of the situation the ends were fairly straightforward: because I had "gone numb" for so long, any one that did anything like my father or mother had done to me became my victim, if only for the reason that I lived in total and complete fear of my parents, and could not confront them directly for what they had done. Tragically, people who had done NOTHING would be victims of my wrath. Again, I am relieved to say that professional help has made a HUGE difference here.
Again, I am relieved to say that professional help has made a HUGE difference here.