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Hello. I stumbled on this board today and figured that this was a good place to get suggestions and feedback from others. I have read from other postings the advice and understanding that each of you have displayed. I am hoping that perhaps you will be able to enlighten me and help me in the process of coping with my husband who has an alcoholic problem.
My story is as follows:
Hubby is what I would clasify as a "binge" drinker. He does not do it daily, but when he does consume booze the outcome is anything but pleasant. He tends to hide his bottle and prefers drinking Vodka since it is more challenging to smell. I have known for years that he is not capable of handling his liquor and despite my idle threats the behavior has not ceased. He becomes irratic, impulsive, embarassing and downright dispicable. He has an injury that clearly indicates that drinking is a big no-no yet, from time to time, he ignores the medical recommendations and consumes alcohol to "be free, let go and have fun." His fun often comes at my expense because I am worried sick about him. Last night upon arriving home from work, he was clearly drunk. I found the hidden bottle and confronted him on the spot. The behavior became more extreme and it took three adults to get him in the house. Upon diffusing the situation, I went to take a shower. While I was in the shower he headed on foot to the local bars. I got out of the shower, could not find him. I searched the streets and even went to the local bar in my pajamas to find him. He was nowhere to be found. I was sick to my stomach wondering where he could be. Finally I went to bed and just waited. I found him this morning at 3AM passed out on the living room floor. Sometimes he goes on this little outings with no consideration of letting anyone know where he is or failing to come home the entire night. As I stated before, his drinking has been out of control for a while yet, because it isn't a daily occurance, the episodes are soon forgotten. I would venture to say that his drinking occurs every six months. The last drinking spree ending with the ultimatem that if he chose VODKA over me he could find a new address. In the past, he has assured me that he was going to give up the bottle and concentrate on our life and marriage. Time and time again I believed him and prayed to God that this was the last time. He claimed in the past that he didn't have a problem and that he didn't need to go to a meeting to handle his disease. Needless to say, last night was history repeating itself and he was back to his old antics. This morning I confronted him, told him to get out and find a new address. I was not going to back down on the threat that I had made from the previous episode. Thus, here I am. Trying to practice tough love to someone that I love more than my own life. Finally, today he admitted that he does in fact have a problem and that he needs help. He got out the phone book and dialed AA. He will be going to a meeting tonight with his sibling who also is an alcoholic. I in turn contacted al-anon to also get support. I spoke to a rep. today who told me that I am doing the right thing by practicing tough love and that support meetings will greatly benefit me in understanding what I can do to protect myself and clarify this disease. Unfortunately, the meetings in my area are only during the week. I will be going this week in effort to get some assistance both emotionally and mentally. To be honest, I am numb towards his behavior and drinking binges. At this point nothing can phase me anymore since I feel that his hindsight is 20/20. He is EXTREMELY remoresful after the fact, but during it, he is a belligerant fool.
I suppose that by writing this all down, I am hoping that others can reflect on my situation and give me some useful tools to know how to handle all of this. I love this man dearly, but at what cost I am wondering? My health? My mental and emotional health? I don't want to live my life like this and I believe that he wants to get better, but like all things in life actions speak louder than words.
Thank you for listening and allowing me to share. I look forward to hearing your comments. I realize that we all have situations in our lives and stories to tell. Perhaps one day I will be able to help you too!
Welcome to MIP! Here you will find great experience, strength, hope, wisdom and humor (good for the ).
I know how frustrating finding the right meetings can be. If you click on our chat room, you can join us for chat or the on-line meetings. Both are very useful. The meeting times are posted, and we have a Sunday morning spiritual meeting as well.
Please go back and read old posts. They were very helpful to me when I first came here. You are not alone in this. We've all been there. Please keep coming back to us. We're glad you're here. Remember to be extra good to yourself. You deserve it. Welcome to the family . Trust me when I tell you that recovery for yourself is absolutely possible. There are many examples of it here. Miracles do happen, you just gotta believe!
Live strong,
Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
First let me say welcome to this wonderful MIP site...it truely is miracles in progress.....please try and join the meetings we have here....they are at 9:00am and 9:00pm eastern except sundays 10:00 am and 7:pm.....I promise you that you will find the help you need......you will find loving and compassionate people who so understand how you feel.....we have all lived in hell living with addiction.....Also, please come in the chat room and say hello...lots of great things happening in there....so very much love....
My darling lady..as for your husband...it is great that he wants to get help....just remember being supportive is a good thing but, he must do this all on his own....it is totally up to him......
As for you, get some education on the disease, addicts in any form are the most selfish individuals god put on this earth.......Alanon is a wonderful place to learn how to help yourself.....
I look so forward to talking to you, hold on tight, and take it one day at a time...only you can know when enough is just enough.....
The best thing you can do right now, for both of you, is to get some information about this disease. Reading our literature is very useful - you can order some from the store here, or from ebay or amazon, or borrow it from your local library, or buy or borrow it from your face to face meeting. You don't say how long you have been married, but if it has been for some time, then you are in as much trouble as he is, and need help just as much. Alanon is here to give you that help. There is really not much that you can do for him, but there is plenty you can do for yourself.
No matter what happens with your husband - whether this is the push he needs to get sober, or if there is still much more drinking in his future, whether you stay married or end things - it is in fact possible for YOU to find serenity and even joy. We cannot save our loved ones, but we can keep ourselves from being dragged down with them - that is what alanon is for. And, sometimes, the example of happiness and serenity that we show can lead them to seek recovery for themselves.
There are many people here who know what your life has been like. My own husband was a steady drinker, not a binger, but I well remember driving around town, searching for him - and then wondering "What do I do with him, now I've found him?" Keep reading old posts here - not everything you read will have meaning for you, but some things will, I promise. Keep coming back.
Welcome !!! We are really glad that you are here..
You will find friends on this board who have so many of the same experiences. They say I understand, and they really do.. I use to become frusterated when someone who has never been in love with someone with an addiction would say , just leave... Well, here they dont say that they understand why some of us stay and why some leave. They support us whatever our decision may be. This board has saved my sanity... The friends here are unbelievable and the support is awesome.
I have learned so many things just from coming to this board and attending the on line meetings.
My husband is also a binge drinker.. He doesnt drink everyday either, but his drinking is a problem.. A problem for me and my children.. He knows he has a problem and has gone to counseling but hasnt gotten that quick fix therefore says I can do it alone.. I just say whatever, and try to work on me..
Anyway, we are here to support you.. Keep coming back..
Just wanted to welcome you. ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) from everyone.
On this board and in the chat room, you will find so much encouragement, love and support. This fellowship has been an amazing gift to me. So I keep coming.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I can totally relate to your situation, my husband is also a binge drinker and I would have to say that personally I think that is the hardest type to deal with (of course I am biased) because just enough time goes by that you start to trust again and believe that maybe it won't happen again and then bam you get the rug pulled out from under you again. My husband went 10 months last time then it started happening every other weekend and now it's non stop. It was bearable when he would just disappear for a day or two and spend a few hundred dollars but now his control is slipping and it's happening all the time. I just moved out this month and took the kids. This is not the first time I have left but I am hoping it will be the last. It's time for me to stop putting him first and start putting me and the kids first!
). 
. Trust me when I tell you that recovery for yourself is absolutely possible. There are many examples of it here. Miracles do happen, you just gotta believe!
