The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I made it. I fret about it before going, I got physically ill while there, but I made it through family week. for those of you out there that have had the experience maybe you will understand. For those of you that have not had the experience I wanted to share some of my experience so that you might have an easier time than I.
My husband is in Rehab for an addiction to perscription drugs. He hit bottom by beating up our 18 year old girl 800 miles from our home and then abandoning the family with no car and no money. That of course was after he tried to kill himself by overdosing. I was out the door. I was not going to stay with him even one day. But, my higher power (God) intervened. God brought my family safely through this experience and safely home. God softened my heart only enough to help my husband get help. But, somewhere in the process of the softening, I was able to find that I needed as much help as he did. I had contributed to this problem by enabling him. That I am not currently well enough to be a good mother to my children. And, God brought me to this site.
I found others who were in the same position. Others who told me to go to family week. Others who understood and could give computer hugs. Thank you all.
Family week was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life. I decided that I had to be honest and I was brutally honest in telling my husband about the hurt he had caused me. I tried to tell him good things too but he didn't hear me. We had to wait 24 hours before I could hear his response. I was sure that our relationships was over. That he had given up. I came to accept that if that was how it would be, then it would be. I had to do all of the real work alone. I did not have computer access so I could not talk to you all. I tried to call family members but they were not available, and his parents were angry with me and weren't talking to me anyway. The only place I could turn was to God. and he carried me through again.
My husband suffered that night as well. He was ready to walk away but through his prayers he was able to see things more clearly. He recieved insights about our relationship that he had never seen before. He was able to clearly, one at a time, talk to each of his family members present and tell them he was sorry. He took responsibility and I was proud of him. I didn't do it for him. He did it with out me there to probe and prod and tell him what to say. When he got to me, he told me of his truggle with what I had said. Then, he told me he was sorry and I believed him.
I know that this is a new birth for us. We will have trials. We will have struggles. He may relapse but we both gained an understanding of prayer, of the role our higher power plays in our lives and we have begun the healing process. I came away renewed, ready to work hard on being less codependent. I want my life back. I want to give him his life back. Because I know that all the while I have been complaining that he has taken away my control, it is I that is treating him like he is worthless. It is I who reinforces his belief that he is powerless. I am the one that has come to do everything for him. I am the one that is ready to give him his life and to take back my own.
I have no idea which step that is but I am ready to take it.
Thank you all for being there and for listening. You are important to me.
Wow!! A huge step for you and your A. I love light bulb moments when you see things so clearly that had previously been so foggy and distant. Welcome to the bridge :)
Picture a bridge. On one side of the bridge, it is cold and dark. We stood there with others in the cold and darkness, doubled over in pain. Some of us developed an eating disorder to cope with the pain. Some drank; some used other drugs. Some of us lost control of our sexual behavior. Some of us obsessively focused on addicted people’s pain to distract us from our own pain. Many of us did both: We developed an addictive behavior and distracted ourselves by focusing on other addicted people. We did not know there was a bridge. We thought we were trapped on a cliff.
Then, some of us got lucky. Our eyes opened, by the Grace of God, because it was time. We saw the bridge. People told us what was on the other side: Warmth, light, and healing from our pain. We could barely glimpse or imagine this, but we decided to start the trek across the bridge anyway.
We tried to convince the people around us on the cliff that there was a bridge to a better place, but they wouldn’t listen. They couldn’t see it; they couldn’t believe. They were not ready for the journey. We decided to go alone, because we believed and because people on the other side were cheering us onward. The closer we got to the other side, the more we could see and feel that what we had been promised was real. There was light, warmth, healing and love. The other side was a better place.
But now, there is a bridge between us and those on the other side. Sometimes, we may be tempted to go back and drag them over with us, but it cannot be done. No one can be dragged or forced across this bridge. Each person must go at his or her own choice, when the time is right. Some will come; some will stay on the other side. The choice is not ours.
We can love them. We can wave to them. We can holler back and forth. We can cheer them on, as others have cheered and encouraged us. But we cannot make them come over with us.
If our time has come to cross the bridge, or if we have already crossed and are standing in the light and warmth, we do not have to feel guilty. It is where we are meant to be. We do not have to go back to the dark cliff because another’s time has not yet come.
The best thing we can do is stay in the light, because it reassures others that there is a better place. And if others ever do decide to cross the bridge, we will be there to cheer them on.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
