The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to all for the prayers I am feeling better today. I took some steps even in my pain and a little self-pity to some things for me. I've been exercising now everyday since Sunday. I had to really pray on this one because I was so mad at my A for expressing his unhappiness with my weight. Looking back on journal entries I saw that wanting to get healthier has been on my heart. It has taken me a long time to get any motivation to do anything about it. I can look back now and say I was just merely surviving with the tools I had. I was living in depression and oppression trying to control everything I could in my life, be a mom, and still work a full time job. I really do want better for myself. Since exercising the last four days and really eating healthy I feel physically better than I have in a long time. I am getting more energy and feeling calmer. Funny I was having a discussion with my A this afternoon about good stuff in and getting good stuff out. He knows I'm exercising and eating healthy. Then he says, "Yeah I really need to get to that place where I can do that too". I about feel out of my chair. Funny how he can criticize me for not doing it but actually I think it was all about his own feelings of guilt and depression that he's not taking care of himself either.
Is he trying to live vicariously through me? Like if I lose weight and get healthy he can do the same? If I quit smoking he'll do the same? I'm selfish now with this new found energy I don't want him sucking it away from me.
I also took a step in my career yesterday and sent in my application to see if can obtain a three year temp teaching certificate. I really pray that will come to fruition for me because it would mean more money, but also would mean that I'd be able to be with my kids after school, holidays, and summers. It would allow me to be the kind of mom I always dreamed of and still earn a full time income. So if you would offer up a prayer about that for me. Thanks group for all your support. These last days have been emotionally difficult but I do beleive the realizations I have come to can be used for good too.
Hugs to all,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You know... there is a reason I close out every post with "Take care of you!", and no not just because it sounds cool. It's a reminder to me that I don't.
Before I came here I tried to take care of everyone else. Now I am taking care of my emotions and my sanity, but I have yet to really do anything for me. I don't participate in any activity that my AW doesn't also endorse.
Luckily she love to go to the car races and fish. LOL
I guess that's not completely true... I have started going to meetings again. Went to one yesterday and she about flipped. I had just read something about JADE before I went home and just let her get mad. I hadn't been going to the meetings for several weeks and I needed to go yesterday, so I did.
I am so proud of you for getting out there and doing things to improve mind and body. That is so good for you! Keep leading the way!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Good for both of you - moving in the right direction.
I don't think that positive energy that comes from really doing something good for yourself CAN be sucked from you. It's rooted in reality, and can only grow stronger.
Funny thing, in this month's Forum there is an article about how the A, when shouting or blaming, is actually looking in a mirror, and really saying those things to himself. They can't hurt you if you realize this, because you are on the other side of the mirror, and it can't get through.
