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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Me again
Post Info TOPIC: Me again
Jeannie


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Me again
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Hi, me again,


I rereading my last post. I realize it is all about my husband and his Mother.


I know I can't change it.  years ago, I would have been thrilled that he was not in a bar, or that he was drinking less.


He does not expect me to wait dinner. He tells me to cook for 6PM, that he will be home when he gets here. No one is here at 6. The bigger kids are all still at practice and I am often still at work.


IHe goes to bed as soon as he comes in. He closes himself in our room with the TV. He wants to talk to no one, just wants to eat and watch tv and sleep.


He gets angry when I have meetings now. He doesn't even want me to go to PTA meetings. Wants me here to keep the kids quiet.


I just feel like I deserve more. I deserve a husband who loves me above all else, (yes including his Mother). I deserve someone who wants to help with the kids. He gets angry if I don't discuss what goes on here, but in the same breath he doesn't want to hear anything. He just wants to be left alone. Then when something comes up, he says "why is this the first I am hearing of this?" I try and tell him he was unavailable. He then gets an attitude, saying oh, go ahead lie and say I was drunk. Normally he isn't, he is just either with his Mother or closed in the room.


He uses this as a reasoon to put me down.


I realize, I am the one who has changed. That I want more. that I want a real marriage. That I deserve one and that this is not one.


                       love Jeannie



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Diva


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You bet you deserve a good marriage Jeannie. You and your kids ALL deserve that. I don't know what you are planning, or even if you are planning ahead, but you have my blessing no matter what you choose. It's the toughest thing that's ever been dealt to me, and my kids are grown, so do not have to live with an A in their lives. I am thankful for that. Take care of yourself girl; stand straight and tall, and stick to your dreams, desires, and demands for a better life.

With all caring, Diva

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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
leo


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Whatever decision you make Jeannie you know you are capable of going it on your own you have been doing that all your life.  I wonder if the roles were reversed if your husband would be putting up with you spending 7 days a week with your parents?  As for MIL her love for her son is a sick love for if it was a healthy relationship she would not be asking him to give up his job.  Start doing things that you love again.  Nothing will change between your MIL and your husband the situation suits both of them and at the moment your husband has the best of both worlds.   Okay for you to put you first for a change.  Luv Leo  xxx

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nmike


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(((((Jeannie))))),


If only. I go back and forth on my AHsober. My MIL can do no wrong. She drinks, falls over and I am the b!@#$. I think that it started in childhood when my AH became the surrogate spouse. Lot of emeshment therefore everything that I do is PTSD.


What I like about this board is that you can play out all the possible scenarios. Someone has been there. Keep working your program. I think that we will eventually know what is the best call for us.


In support,


Nancy



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debilyn


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Jeannie ya know how they don't mature. Well you have, big time. You have grown waaaaay past him.


You are a strong woman. Just blows me away to have watched you since  you were pg with your last one. You have blossomed so much.


As always your kids are so beautiful. Hows about some updated pictures???


You will do the right thing I am sure. Don't allow his aism to pull you back into the pit. Or we will have to call TT and Abbyall to grab the rope and pull your cute butt back up.


love,debilyn



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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
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Jennifer


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Hi (((Jeannie)))


I have experienced similar things with my A. I am learning and starting to see the pattern of his loyalty to whoever is helping his addiction at any given time. Whether emotionally or financially, when I was making demands or withdrawing my enabling, I was evil. It really hurt at first.


My A rapid cycles from his mother being a supreme being to ranting about how awful his childhood was, and how her lack of support is killing him now.He does not treat her well, never calls, never visits unless it is for something he needs ... detox at her house, money, someone to listen when he wants to blame everyone (mainly me) for his problems. And then the extreme anger when she does not magically know he needs her. I'm glad I see now that his ranting has nothing to do with other people's actions, it's all about where his head is at.


I know this isn't the best thinking but I hold my sanity at this time knowing that when I am not here, the people who look down on my choices will be the people he turns to. Perhaps wearing my shoes for a short time will open some eyes.


Reading the other posts makes me wonder how much dysfunctional Mother/Son relationships are involved with addiction in general. Or is it the addictions that make the relationships dysfunctional? Another one of those chicken and egg questions.


I hope you find some peace today and take care of yourself. <Big Hug>


Jennifer



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Tiger2006


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 You are absolutely right you deserve better. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. And know that I understand what its like to live with someone you just cant win with.

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