The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As you all have noticed I haven't been on here or in chatt for awhile... A week ago I was feeling overwhelmed with reading all the drama on the other message board, chatting and I began finding myself getting involed,angry,taking on others feelings,and etc.... I also begin seeing my recovery sliding to the dumps also and I made the choice to STOP reading the messages or chating.. What a wise choice!
I really had no Idea how reading all the drama and chatting with all the drama was bothering me But It was!!! What I have learned is that I am here in Recovery for ME and that the alcoholics in my life have no more control over what I say or what I do or how I act. I am tired of hearing poeple PUT down there As over and over and over and then try and fix them and when they can't fix them they come on with all there DRAMA and then when I say like" keep the focus on you and your recovery" "it is not all the As faults"it like they don't listen and I think then they don't want recovery!!!!!
My parents did what they did and now that i am adult I can make better choices then they did, act differently, treat my husband,children differently and LET the As make there own choices to recover or die...... Yes I know it is hard when you are married to A but the truth still repiles they two have two choices recovery or death But you can't choose for them They have to make the choice themselves.. I have the same choices RECOVERY or DEATH....
Anyways this has been on my mind for awhile I really love you all but I can't stand all the drama.....Leave all the drama for tv,movies,soaps and learn to keep the focus on you and recovery... When I was all wrapped up in message board drama and chat drama I couldn't have possibly be keeping the focus on me and guess what I am only hurting myself cause I am not hurting them they don't care there to busy doing there own thing and as a result I am not making positive changes in me!!!! I can't give back what I have recieved if I am always wrapped up in someone elses drama....
Here is a short example of Recovery or Drama : Recovery or Death As a child growing up in Alcoholic home I was always wrapped up in drama and trying to save my life from the As harmful stupidy. My mom and I became close throughout my growing up even though she was Alcoholic and I had no clue at the time she was or what alcoholic was about.. I was always there for my mom I and her were unsparatable and When my Mom was dying (of this horrible dieases BY her choice) I said "NO MOM YOU CAN"T DIE OR I WILL DIE WITH YOU" My mom had me so wrapped up in her drama that I could of died cause I thought that that was my responsiblity to take care of my mom and her dieases... I learned later and lot of dark bottoms that I only had me to be resposiable for... Keeping the focus on ME........ I am so gratiful for learning that recovery is my choice......
Hello Bubbles , try and remember that we are all at diff levels of recovery , I can remember a time when I wasn't looking for solutions either. I have been in this prog along time and it is difficult to listen to the whoa is me's when u know there is a solution but I need to remember that, that was me along time ago. Detaching from others pain takes time and patience and alot of acceptance as to where thier at in thier lives at the moment.
Come to the room share your experices your strength and your HOPE , keep doing it if one out of 5 hear the message great ! I have to remember that 20 yrs does not make me an expert on anyones life but what worked for me.
The only way I get to keep whqt I found here is to share it (even if they don't hear it) sharring reminds me where I came from and where I have vowed to never go back. I often leave this site saying thank you God I am not there anymore. today I live in Gratitude that I did marry an alcoholic if not I never would have looked at me .
Hope to see u soon The paragraph on acceptance in the big book of AA has changed my life I read it often to remind me that when I can start accepting people for who they are and stop expecting them to get it . Now !!!! my life is much more serene. Louise
Amen! And I also agree w/ Louise. We have to be mindful that we all aren't at the same place. It is difficult to continue to share the same thing -- our message of hope that w/ changed attitudes our lives can improve -- and feel as if it's not being heard.
I am grateful that my sponsor took what I call "but" abuse, I had a "but it's...." answer for her for everything. I wasn't hearing her, though slowly I started to get this program and work it. I'm sure there were days of major frustration for her, I know that I came to thrive on the chaos and bent her ear over every wrong I had to bear. Sometimes it took her being firm -- saying what she meant and not saying it mean -- to get my attention. That is exactly what I read in your post. So thank you for this reminder. It does work if you work it
Well said. But I also agree with Louise. We are all at different levels of recovery and need to be mindful of that.
Like you, I have gotten wrapped up in all the drama too. Or I have been in the meetings where the topic is so darned depressing that I don't want to hear it anymore. So I leave the meeting. Not to be rude, but because in my selfish way I found it was making me more depressed. But then I started thinking that instead of getting upset that the topics weren't good, or the shares weren't what I needed, change it. My local f2f meetings, to me, have very little growth and they can be more a session where all I hear is the complaining, . That's when I started looking for other meetings. But then there are other times when I just need to take a break from my recovery and I do. The trick is not to take an extended vacation from it. That's when it can catch up to you.
My A is the same way. There are certain groups he loves to go to, and then there are others that just don't suit him. So he'll stay with some, and stay away from others.
I guess we are all just trying to find our way through the forest. Sometimes we see the light ahead, and other times it's as dark as can be. The good news is that we can get through the forest and awaiting us is a big welcome home by another member.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks for your post...got me thinking.. I agree with much of what has already been said. We are all at different stages of recovery, and some days I need to be reminded of little things that mean something to me. Sometimes simple words of inspiration can put me back on the right track.
((Bubbles!!)) I have missed you so much! You are astute in you observation that many people use this board to "blame" alcholics. Unfortuneately, until people are willing to embrace the reality that they can live for themselves and not for the alcholic, they will continue to blame. Accepting self responsibility is an adult concept and becoming adult is a challenging ordeal for some. *shrugs* progress not perfection I suppose.
session where all I hear is the complaining, 
. That's when I started looking for other meetings. But then there are other times when I just need to take a break from my recovery and I do. The trick is not to take an extended vacation from it. That's when it can catch up to you.