The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Okay--Isabella started us off laughing at our situations (at the expense of the addicts in our lives). I think that it may be equally as...well, as funny to laugh at ourselves. So here is a list. This is me. Please feel free to chuckle, laugh out loud, or cry. All of these are things I have really done. If you would like to add yours that would be fun.
You might be codependent if...
10. If you have ever found yourself cleaning up garbage left over from last night's binge as you were telling the Addict in your life that you are not going to clean up after them any more, you might be codependent.
9. If you have ever gotten into a fight with an Addict and had the Addict call you names, tell you that you are evil and make threats towards you AND THEN you spend all night wondering if he/she is okay, you might be codependent.
8. If you have ever spent an entire day laying in bed doing nothing while your Addict husband lays next to you going in and out of a stumor do to abuse of drugs/alcohol because he wants to spend time with you, you might be codependent.
7. If you share a closet with someone else and they have 3 or 4 times as many clothes as you have making it so that you only need a tiny bit of the space, you might be codependent.
6. If you have ever helped another person acquire pills, alcohol or other substance as you told them that you did not want them to use that substance because it was ruining your life, you might be codependent.
5. If you have ever completed a home project by yourself and then told everyone that "we" did it to protect an addict spouse from criticism, you might be codependent.
4. If you have ever called "standing up for yourself" the act of mumbling that "this will be the last time" as you go and do that which you are telling the Addict in your life that you will never do--again, you might be codependent.
3. If you have ever found yourself hanging off of the side of the bed that you share with an Addict because you don't want to crowd him/her even though you (not him/her) have to work the next day, you might be codependent.
2. If you have ever talked for, listened for, of made excuses for another person, you might be a codependent.
and
1. If you have ever written an hour by hour (minute by minute) schedule for someone else and have given it to them with the explanation that if he/she whould just follow this plan they could overcome an addiction, you just might be codependent.
There is my (partial) list. Please let me know what you think. Add yours.
That IS funny...but not quite as funny as laughing at them, LOL.
OK, I guess if I can dish it out I can take it...sigh...although I suspect I will be a little easier on myself than I was on husband, LOL.
How to tell if you may need Alanon...
10) If you throw your alcoholic's clothes out the window in a rage after yet another drunken pee episode and he moves out and then you decide to take him back and he says he will only come back if YOU move his stuff back and you agree to do it out of guilt for what you did then in mid move come to your senses and not do what you agreed to do(in other words getting caught up in the craziness)...you may need Alanon.
9) If you tell your alcoholic husband that he can't drink in your home (when it is an apartment you had before the marraige with only your name on the lease) then he goes out and drinks in his car in the driveway for all of the neighbors to see and you think the problem is solved...you may need Alanon.
8) If you push your husband into buying a home he did not want (with only his name on the deed) then continue to try and tell him that he can't drink in "your" home...and think this will work just because YOU said so...you may need Alanon.
7) If you go along with your husband's stupid euphenisms for his drunken bouts such as "relaxation time" and "time for me" even though you know better...you may need Alanon.
6) If your husband skips your college graduation to stay home and get drunk and you are so embarrassed that you make excuses for him and tell people he is "sick" when inside every fiber of your being is screaming not to fall into that trap of making excuses and you do anyway...you may need Alanon.
5) If it takes you ten years to realize that your husband is simply NOT going to be able to committ to any long term project no matter what he says because he can't stay sober more than a day... you may need Alanon.
4) If you have plastic storage boxes filled with clutter stacked floor to ceiling in the garage to the point that you husband can barely fit the lawnmower in yet think that the only problem in your home is your husband's alcholism...than you just may need Alanon.
3) If you husband passes out while drinking and you happen to notice that he was still holding a half empty 40 ounce bottle...and you reposition it in his hand so that when he tries to get up he spills the whole thing and has a mess to clean up and you think that this will teach him a lesson not to get drunk...you may need Alanon.
2)If your husband is so drunk that he can't even talk right or walk straight and you think that is a good time to point out to him what an idiot he is...you may need Alanon.
1) If your husband's entire family thinks that he is a creep and the happiest day of their lives was when they got to unload him off their hands and onto you...and you think that they care enough to help you put together an intervention and so tell them about his problem so now not only do they hate you even more, but pretty much disown him so that they won't be called on to help with any problems your alcholic husband may have in the future...you may need Alanon.
Yes, this is not as funny...I am sure if my husband wrote this it would be a lot funnier...LOL.
Yes, it is harder to laugh at yoursef. Although I don't really do all of the "classic" alonon stuff, I certainly need alanon!
Although I never tried to get rid of his alcohol, or watch what he drank or go out of my way for his drinking, I sure needed Alanon to tell me that when he is drunk is NOT the best time to try and set him straight about anything, LOL (DUH!).
Well this list showed me how much of an individual I am, just like my husband is, although I share many of the characteristics of most wives of alcoholics. I am just a lot more selfish! LOL!
I am not a violent person, but once I got mad enough to throw a plate at him! We were married only a few months and already separated (for different issues, such as him not paying half of the rent) and he had the total nerve to come to my apartment drunk. Since we were separated and he had been respecting that I had not bolted the door. He used his key to get in (during future separations I would change the locks) and was so drunk all he could do was smile broadly from ear to ear, just stand there and smile and say over and over "I am HEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEEEE"...thinking I would be so happy to see him that nothing else mattered.
I was doing dishes and my daughter was asleep upstairs. The fact that he had come to my home drunk, uninvited, and was drinking and driving and I had actually MARRIED this creep just infuriated me no end. He had been staying with his parents and I knew that they did not allow drinking in their home so I asked him where he had been drinking. He told me he had gone to a "good" bar and then proceeded to tell me what nice people go there and the nice people he had run into. Then, when he saw my look of disgust he started this stupid line about just going in there to use the restroom and then saw people he knew and got beers bought for him and could not waste it.
I just was so infuriated that he had lied to me before marriage about not going to bars and the realization that I had married yet another drunken bum just like my first husband made me hopping mad. I told him to get out...he didn't budge, so I started throwing dishes at him, LOL. He was a star college athlete so even drunk his reflexes are better than most people. He managed to duck and avoid them but that did get him out of the door, LOL.
We eventually reconciled but he said if going to bars made me that mad to throw things at him when that is SO unlike me...then he knew not to do that again and to my knowledge he has not.
I don't know if I came out the winner in that one...my daughter has had to see him like a thousand times so knocked out drunk right in our living room that he pees his pants, half chewed food falls out of his mouth and see all kinds of other unsavory ways to see your Dad...sigh.
Life with an alcoholic really is not that funny after all...
Funny how it seemed a lot funnier when I was poking fun at him and not myself...
I agree that it was easier and funnier to point and laugh at him. But, I think it makes me stronger to laugh at myself. Normally I think of myself as a bright, intelligent person that is not easily drawn into idiotic behaviors. Then, I look at the lies I have told, the covers I have created, and the other unsavory behaiors I have performed, and I know I need alanon. No sane person acts like he does, and no sane person acts like I do so I guess we are even.
Now, with him in rehab and me in Alanon I am hoping that we can both regain our sanity. I know I love this man, that is what holds us together. I would like to learn to like him--and myself again.
Thank you for sharing yourself with me. You help me keep my life in perspective
