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I have been getting the silent treatment for about a week from a male friend, an alcoholic by the way.
After a small spat, I gave an apology and he is giving me the silent treatment....makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I keep trying to talk to him every few days and nothing works! I am trying to give him head space and practice my al anon. I have noticed I have a small problem with control in that I have been trying to make him see my point, get him to communicate and go on about our business but he has truly shut me out. Says he just needs space if I am really his friend. I am paranoid and feel really rejected. I keep feeling if he really cared for me as a friend he would not treat me this way and resolve this.
Well, the whole thing seems like middle school. I suffered all last weekend about it, my choice.
Not this weekend, I am going to an al anon mtg. tnight. and will try to keep the focus on me.
A's are master manipulators. They get to where they are by being able to read people and to figure out how to use others to get what they want. It is a game. When you keep trying to get him to talk to you you are playing his game. You may want to try leaving it and him alone. If he will most likely come to you to find out why you are not talking to him. If not then it frees your mind. It is hard to not play their games but it can be done.
Hi Beach , silent treatment well i have alot of experience with that one . My husb used to not speak to me for weeks ,shared it one nite a meeting and after a lady came up to me and said "have u ever thought of enjoy ing the silence"? I looked at her in shock and said NO actually I hadn't
She went on to say when he isn't speaking to you A your not fighting . B he isn't complaining about something u did or didnt' do . and the list went on I can't remember them all . So she said turn up the music and dance (in other words enjoy) the silence she guaranteed me that if I did thatthe m ood wouldnl't last nearly as long and she was absolutley right .
Tho I didn't literally turn up the music and dance I did detach from his mood - I asked once if there was something I had done to upset him if he replied NO then I left the mood with him and got one with my day . What I used to do was cook his fav food , which he wound't eat anyway , ask him all the time are u upset with me , tip toea around doing he things he liked in other words I turned myself inside o ut trying to change his mood.
My husb told me in sobriety that I used to drive him crazy with all the above questions hehehe so that eventuallly he was mad at me . go figure . So let your friend be a distant as he chooses to be for as long as he chooses to be. I am sure u have better things to do with your life than sit and wonder what u did wrong. hope this helps been there done that Louise
What seems like eons ago but really only about four months since I have started down the al-anon path I had the same problem and the same questions. Abbyal had the same advice and dang if it doesn't work.
For the person in my life who does this it was travesty that I went on enjoying myself when they were so obviously trying to punish me for some unknown wrong. Eventually they have figured that they might as well get on board because my world and my enjoyment of it is not going to stop for anyone anymore.
So, enjoy the peace.
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
My A does this to the ninth degree. I used to really over react to it. Now I could care less. He can be silent for ever for all I care. I just want to deal with my stuff. For him it was a technique to get attention. Now I give myself the attention I used to pour onto him. They will do anything for atteniton and the punishment is merciless.
