The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The silent treatment is a pet peeve of mine. My father was a pro growing up. My family was dsyfunctional though there were no drugs or alcohol involved. My father could go for days maybe weeks at a time when I was a teen with the silent treatment. I could not stand it then nor can I stand it now. I feel as if I have done something wrong.
Earlier today before I had to go to work we were in town. She had an appt. dog had to go to vet, some errands had to be done. I asked her should we go to Walmart and talk to the manager today? I did not say this words in parentheises (like we had talked about doing so in the past about a matter of resuming recieving the broken bags of dog food.) I get this response. Why are you trying to argue? I just shut up & turned up the tunes and drove.
Tonight on the way home from work, I interupted my A , Tina while she was speaking. This is taboo lately. For some reason, her idea of a conversation these days is I am speaking do not interject one word until I say so. I was unaware we were back to these rules tonite. Some times we communicate like normal people other days she speaks and no one can get a word in edgewise.
So we rode home in silence for half and hour. Everything I asked her I got no reply at all. I just turned up the music in the car & rested in my seat.
I hate the silent treatment. I want to throw something. I want to scream to get her to respond but I just sit there and take it like I always have. I feel I was the mature one. I feel it is childish & immature to totally shut down all means of communication just because things did not go your way. I do not do this nor do I tell anyone what a worthless, lazy, no good , deadbeat they are. This is wrong to do to a child or anyone.
She has an appt in the am. She sleeps in the recliner in front of the computer in the living room where the tv is located. I got off home around 10pm. I have helped her feed the dogs, let some inside & outside. I have feed the smaller dogs again. Now I am watching tv with the sound on mute while I finish typing this. ok I suppose I could move the computer into the cats room where I sleep with the 6 cats, but it is already getting clogged with pet hair where it is now.
While she is at the DR's appt & the library, I will be feeding the dogs & changing the litter pans, going thru a bunch of clothes we have been collecting for others putting them into bags so we can take them to the free clothing bank tommorrow when she gets back all before 4pm.
I can not win for losing. Oh I had thought I was working 60 hours this week turns out it will be 69 then tonite it is up to 73 hours. I am working Friday 4pm to 8am then pick her up load the car for the saturday sale take Vinny to the vet , finish some shopping & bill paying then back to work 8pm to 8am. That is just the schedule till Sunday.
I guess it sounds like I am a victim here. I do not feel like I am. I feel I am at the end of my rope.
There is a saying NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES. You can't do anything to change her behaviour but you can do something for yourself to lessen the load. Reduce your hours at work and stop running around so much when you do have free time. The clothes being dropped off can wait. The only person who will look after your well being is you. Take a look at your weekly schedule see how unmanageable it has become and initiate something that is going to give YOU a better life. You can do it. ((()) Leo x
This weeks schedule is not normal. I rarely get 40 hours. My Boss had to go to FL so I am the one who can most likely feel in. She does not want the others to be there as much not as dependable, I guess. Well, they just sit & watch tv. They do not dr his bed sore, change him or wash him etc. They just barely feed him & do the dishes that is all. I just saw that one of the other ladys who drives a school bus is going to be off Labor day weekend and wants to work. LOL I was kinda fussing that I was not getting enough hours before school started.
but I agree I think the clothes will wait & I will go back to bed while she is gone. I took off her list what I wanted her to do in town because we can do it Saturday. One can shop while the other does the sale.
Thank for your input. My grandfathers favorite saying was " if you have nothing nice to say to someone say nothing at all"
The silent treatment is a hard one. I am quiet by nature and when upset get even quieter, not to inflict punishment as my A has accused me of but because I did not have anything nice to say. I was taught your Grandfather's favorite saying too LOL. Or I need time to think of what to say ib a kind way.
My situation has reversed. Now my A occasionally becomes silent. To be honest after listening to drunken rambling I can appreciate the quiet. And use the time to meditate or comtemplate my program. Try to find a good use for the time and you may not get those resentful feelings.
