The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just found out that AH is talking to someone. It is so devastating. I am just so upset about it. I just can't believe he would ever ever do this. He hid the cell phone bill lastnight and I wondered why and I looked it up online today. He has been talking to this "Nora" all the time, when I'm at church, on Sundays for god's sake. I just don't know what to do.
He already is unemployed and ruining our finances. I am just really over it, and just sick to my stomach. I guess this is the final straw, it was going south anyway. It is just so so pathetic. It makes me feel like SUCH a goddamn fool!!!
She can have him, you know? THis is a sick sick situation and I HAVE to get out. I told him this morning if he didn't give me some money he has to get out. I am just so sick.
I am so sorry to hear how much you are hurting. Sending you much love and prayers. You will know when the timing is right to do what you need to do. Things happen for a reason. I know that doesn't make you feel any beter, but they do. Time to concentrate on you.
Be extra good to yourself. You are entitiled to live the life you want. You deserve to be happy and have a good life.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Have you confronted your husband about what you've found? Are you sure it's anything significant?
Whenever I am certain that what I am experiencing is an "end of times" experience it is for me important to realize that what is going on, from my perception, may not really be what's going on. See if there is any way to get to the bottom of things before you completely fall apart.
I am sorry you are having to go through this. I have been there. There is a bright side....
When this happened to me, I had no program, nobody to talk to and took everything she said as the truth. I was a boring, workaholic, worthless husband who was not being a good father to my kids. That's the reasons I was given and I was terribly depressed over it.
You have confidence in yourself that you deserve a happy healthy life, you have faith that your HP will help you get there, and you have us to assure you, this is totally his problem!
I know how upset you are, but know we are here for you!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Sorry you are being treated like this. For the life of me I don't think I will ever understand the total self-centeredness of the Alcoholic thinking. I am finding out though that there is no amount of understanding that makes some of their actions acceptable or painless. The only painkiller for me has been going to meetings and reading all of the posts to this board and the loving, caring and wise responses from those of you that have been here awhile. You are included in those responses. Don't forget that you have made a positive difference in the lives of people with whom you share a common bond but don't even know. I am one of those people so I know what a help you are. Now is the time to do something good for yourself -- today --don't wait -- do it now!!! It will be easier to take that phone bill and leave it with your HP when you feel a little better. XXXOOO
Those darn cell phone bills. Get people caught more than you know. I know of several circumstances that the phone bill gave it away. But trying to hide the bill? That doesn't make sense, everything is on line these days.
Remember to take care of you. Only when you are truly happy can you be of help to others. Stand up for yourself. I am confrontational personally, so I would ask what is going on. I might even go as far as calling the person. That I know is not healthy, but we all have our downfalls. If he is dragging you down, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and financially, it may be time to really think about the relationship. Whether you stay or go, it has to be YOUR decision! Pray about it, talk to other memebers and go with what your gut tells you. If it is over, it is over, no matter how you paint the picture. Know what I mean?
I am still in shock. He is my best friend. I checked past bills and this thing started in April of this year, when we were separated. I am just sick. I know it is part of the alcoholic behavior, but I am ready to leave. I have to now.
The thing that is so so sad to me is all this time I was so worried when he didn't make it home, worried about him driving drunk, etc. - and not only was the drinking getting worse, he was sleeping with someone!!!!
I have given my whole heart away and now it is crushed. I am really heartbroken today.
All I can say is AH and I had a wonderful year LAST year, and maybe that was a blessing from God for a good last year before this happened. I thank god I have pictures of him that are good, he was sober and happy. He was complete. Now it is like a whole different person.
Thank you SAndy about the suggestion about calling the person, I did and she doesn't call back. Her mailbox is full so I can just leave a page. If she ever does call back I will be compassionate and mature about this. Hell, she may even know that he is married.
I thank you for your support, really. It has been the worst day ever....but maybe like Karilynn said, this has happened for a reason. Maybe it is time to go, so he can get better, or not? Who knows... but it was really sad anyway, and this is just another heaping of nightmare!!!!!
One day at a time... one minute at a time, taking deep breaths...
I know what I am about to say may not make you feel better but my experience even before ALANON. It has been that you can not control what someone else is going to do. If they are going to be unfaithful & cheat then that is what they are going to do. I learned this at an early age. I was with someone who was always trying to make me jealous. I now tell someone I am with they can not have their cake & eat it too. I will not hang around while they are with another person intimately.
I guess you have to set your boundaries to protect yourself. It is nothing that you did. It was going to happen no matter what you did or didn't do. I do know it hurts. I have been there before. I wish you all the best.
I am grateful for alanon. I am grateful I am not alone.
I know it is a hard decision! Do what you feel you need to do. I have to not only look at what my heart says, but what my head and soul say too. If they are in conflict, I do nothing. That is what happened w/me and my ex husband. I was in conflict for quite awhile. When I had no conflict, I left! It still hurt mostly due to the children, but it was what I was used to. Now, I am not used to the lies deceit and manipulations (except from my parents LOL). I like living this way MUCH better!!!!! I have boundaries today which before I had none. Keep the faith, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
