The material presented
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level.
I've been married for 32 years, and I can't take it anymore!! My A has become so distant and hurtful... I'm afraid he's killing any love I have left for him. It's gotten progressively worse, and now I KNOW he's a full blown A... He forgets what he says, the next day after he's been drinking... talks to be like a dog, either looks at me with such hate in his eyes, or NO eye contact at all...and I'm the one wondering if I've done something wrong.. How crazy is that??? It hasn't always been this bad, but in hindsight, it hasn't been all that good either!!! We have two beautiful grandsons, and I thought that would make him want to do better...but he's put up a shield from all of us, our grown children and me. How do you get through to them...they he is destroying our family??? Or am I the dumby...just now figuring this out? I don't know what to do...
Welcome to MIP! Let me be the first to say you are not the crazy one. I went crazy however when I had nobody who could relate to the pain and resentment I felt about my wife of 14 years disappearing in a sea of alcohol.
You can't do anything for him that he doesn't want to do, but there is a lot you can do for you weather you stay together or not. That is what the Al-Anon program is all about.
Alcoholism is a family disease and although he is the one with the drinking problem, those of us who love them become sick too over time. Our 12 step program is not to cure his drinking, but rather to help us get over our sickness. Believe it or not you can be happy and healthy even if he does not get sober.
You have come to the right place and I encourage you to keep posting, participate in the chat and meetings. They are very useful. It has saved my life.
Take care of you and know we are hear for you.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Welcome, I am glad you are here. You are not going crazy. I can absolute relate to the feelings though. There have been soooo many times that I have felt like I was going crazy. Asking myself why no one else, not just the A, could see what I saw. It is very difficult to watch someone slip into the depths of this disease, but I was also watching myself slip into the depths of my own disease, as someone affected by this horrible thing we call, Alcoholism. And then I came here.
Today, it is still sometimes difficult, sometimes downright hard, but the gifts of Al-Anon, the tools, the slogans, the people, the ability to take action, to talk things out and most importantly to realize that I AM NOT ALONE, are all blessings.
Please try to get to a face to face meeting in your area. You will find people there that understand where you are, what you are feeling. The craziest thoughts I have ever had, have been had by others also, what a relief!
Georgia girl, you're not crazy nor are you a dummy! you're here seeking help and that's smart. as the others say, keep coming back. try to find a local meeting, if you can't, MIP is here. (i still haven't found a local meeting so i come here.) your question "how do you get through to them" i think the answer is, you just don't. there is no way you can get through to them, it's something the alcoholics have to do for themselves. and it's horrible to have to watch them not doing it, and wanting to do it for them! there are a lot of books that helps explain all this, and reading posts here might explain some of it. keep coming back, ok? {{{{{{lots of hugs}}}}}}
Thank you all for the support and words of encouragement... I'm glad I found this forum, and look forward to talking with you on the live chats too... This diease IS so BAFFLING... it's like the more you try to help, the more they push you away... I too have become as sick as him, and I DO realize it ...now... I am working on ME..and trying not to focus on him... Not much into the face to face meetings (tried them...didn't like them) but again, I'm so glad I've found you all! I'm new to this posting thing... hope I'm doing it correct. Everyone ... have a blessed day!
