The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As you may have read in my last two posts... I'm fed up with my alcoholic/cocaine-addicted hubby. He has not made any kind of effort to get his life together. He spent most of the weekend away from home on a binge. I have my mind made up that I want to separate from him... and most likely divorce him. In fact, I had a phone conversation with an attorney this afternoon and have the initial divorce paperwork. All I have to do is fill it out and make an appointment.
Here's where I turned into a huge chicken....
Tonight when he came home from work (right on time for a change), I caved. I couldn't tell him to his face that I've given up all hope for his sobriety. I couldn't tell him honestly that I wanted a divorce. I suggested that he seek some professional help with his addictions. I also suggested that some time apart might be good for us. He (once again) said he'd try to quit on his own. I said I'd give him a chance. I just know that he'll start drinking again tomorrow. I've heard the whole thing many times before.
I'm frustrated with myself for caving. I don't trust him at all. I do want him to get better, I'm just not sure he can do it. I think he will need some major rehabilitation before he'll ever begin to get better. I feel like I have only put the inevitable off for a few days. I'm hanging on to those papers.
Thanks for listening... artygirl
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Just wanted to tell you are your not alone. I to had given up all hope with my A husband about 2years ago. He to asked for more time. I gave in and said yes. He to went back to drinking. Then about a month later said he was going to a meeting. It had been a year and a half sober. He still goes to meeting daily. The first year was very hard. Almost as hard as when he was drinking. You are the only one who will know when the time is right for you. He is the only one who will know when the time is right for him. I hope it works out for you, Keep posting and stay with your program.
there is no rush hon. Don't worry, sadly you will see the same stuff again and know you have made the right decision. Like i said, he can get well and be on a program a long time and maybe you two will live together again.
to just stop drinking means zero. Unless he goes to AA and lives a program of recovery, things can even get worse.
You are no chicken. really you are not. You are listening to yourself. it is very ok to just step back.
scuze the no caps, arthritis is bugging me love,debilyn
I've done the same. I've given in many times. Each time I grow a little bit...I think. And sometimes I just have the energy for it all...
I think there is a time for everything...you will know when you have the energy to do what's right for you. Sometimes, when I think I'm getting stuck and going nowhere...I'm actually gaining a different perspective and maybe a new strength that I need to develop. I learned to trustHP more. I know I have no control myself over several situations, so I turn it over to HP and save myself the worry.
Try to be kind to yourself.....you have come a long way really.
I have found, for me, that when I really mean it, and am not just threatening, people know it and take me seriously.
I must have threatened to leave my A a hundred times, but once my mind was really made up, that the next time I loaded the kids in the car to get away from him I would not come back the next morning - well, something changed. He did not stop drinking and drugging - that didn't happen until three years later. However, he DID stop coming home wasted and waking me up to scream at me. The screaming and verbal abuse went down to about 10% of what it had been, and that was enough for us to build a life around again. I kept that bag packed in the trunk for the next two years - he didn't even know it was there, but I did, and that made all the difference.
You didn't get here overnight, you won't get good at taking care of yourself all at once either. Keep those papers - they won't go bad.
