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Not because I will miss all of the drama, or even him for that matter at this point because I'm totally fed up with the drinking, the verbal abuse, and the broken promises. I have had it. He ruins almost every social event, weekend, and holiday for everyone.
Everytime he gets drunk I get to hear about how I don't do **** around the house, how I'm a know-it-all, about how he's smarter than me, and can get a better job than me, if I divorce him he will slap me with a lawsuit (whatever that means)...yada yada yada. I'm tired, and I just don't care anymore....
My only fear is getting the courts to recognize his drinking problem because I don't want him taking our son (he's only 4) all weekend, and then getting drunk and putting him in danger. How can I prove it? What can I do? I'm afraid the courts will award him unsupervised visits which is what will probably happen without proof.
I'm not willing to compromise my sons safety for my sanity...I'm torn and disgusted.
that is a hard one. I live with my Abf and he is going trough seperation. I can see why his wife couldnt stand it anymore. They have 5 yearl old. I heard it from his parents and his wife all the awful stories when he left the child around swimming pool when he was drunk, slapped her in mornings when he had hangover etc. You need to go around your family and ask them if the ever witnessed (spelling) any of this behaviour.
Consult an attorney, and tell him/her what you have told us. Also, if you have any documentation (i.e. police records or eye witnesses) of his drunkenness and/or abuse, that's a good start in providing the proof you need. Start keeping a diary that also documents his behavior. But the most important thing here is to find an attorney. Good luck, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I have a similiar situation, my son is 10. I agree with the documentation. Keep a journal. Pictures, tape. Whatever. I started a few months ago. If you work or have access to joint money, start stashing some awaywhere he can't find it. Do not put it in the same bank you or him has an account in. Get a PO box if you have to. If you don't have a credit card in your name only, apply for one now. If you haven't already, stop leaving your child with him unsupervised. Assume all responsibility for your child, (parent meetings, appointmnets ect. bathing ect.) and document it. Don't tip your hat about your fear of him having your child alone. He will use this to his advantage to torment you. If you are not in danger, be patient. Have your plans set, so there is not more chaos in your own head when it unfolds.
Well in my state drunkenness and alcholism does not affect child visitation, unless you can prove AFTER the fact that this man was intoxicated while his son was under his care, then you can have his visition become supervised.
And yes, alcholism is hard to prove as it is one of those "he said/she said" deals according to my lawyer...that is without PROOF.
My lawyer told me to start keeping a journal of how much my husband drank, try to fish reciepts out of the garbage, etc. for the alcohol and to take pictures of him knocked out drunk in strange positions, bottle in hand and food falling out of his mouth.
Of course this is not a happy or "alanon" way to live, it is certainly not being detached, fishing his reciepts out of the garbage, fishing his bottles out of hte garbage so you can tally up the ounces in your journal, or watching the clock to see how long his drinking sessions are, but that is what you need to do to IF you want proof for legal proceedings of alcholism.
I used to do that, before alanon, when we were contemplating a separation. But soon got tired of it, I got tired of being his "warden" watching everything he did, fishing through the garbage for evidence.
Besides...in my first divorce I had a NOTORIZED admission of illegal drug use from my first husband to use in court, he had given it to me when we had reconciled from a separation, in it he had promised that if he used illegal drugs AGAIN that he would grant me a divorce. All he and his high priced fancy lawyer did was come in and claim that the divorce had "sobered him up" and that he realized that drugs had destroyed his family and that had been enough to scare him off of them and that he had been sober since he was served with papers. He "said" he was attending meetings of AA and NA and was never required to give any proof since it was anonymous...SIGH. It was all a lie.
The judge was only too happy to go along with this...sigh.
Most judges don't care that much that a man drinks, even excessively before a divorce. It is AFTER that counts more. And of course unless you are stalking him and peeking through windows and going through his garbage on his curb...that will be hard to prove.
That is why lots of women stay married for the children's sake, they can keep a close eye on them while still married and make sure they are ok.
SIGH!
I hope you get a better more informed judge than I did.
