The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
as you know by now, im doing my own thing with my recovery and some of you will not agree with me, but im here becouse i want to share and maybe someone is in same situation as me.
I started to look at my relationship with my Abf in different light. I picked some books from my mother. Nothing to do with A, but relationships. These books are writen by profesor - marriage counselour - and very wise man. He is in his 80's now, but the nation is looking up to him. I'm learning how to have healthy relationship, what is marriage love about (even we are not married) and how to work together in crisis. I get a great feeling frome his books. He's been around and seen it all. I know when to shut up at home and when we have to sit down and talk. I want to get into habit of creating healthy communications skils, not shouting or hold on on resentments for days. He is saying, argument shouldnt last more than 2 hours, and we applyed that rule at home. Its a blessing. We have to make up in 2 hours!!! If there is more serious issue, should be solved in 2 days ect.
I'm still doing our aftercare every monday, he is doing his meetings regulary and it just work like granfathers clock. I'm lucky in a way he is not pushing me into al-anon ideas or steps, he can see how i'm changing without it and works for us.
So, who ever is not doing the steps and feels bad, dont!!!!! I know i'm quiet new here and i shouldnt be giving any advice, im just saying there is many ways.
Anybody remember movie "A beatiful mind"? Like mathematisc, there is more than one selution to a problem.
Thank you so much for sharing, daisy. That book sounds great.
I have been with my bf for 5 yrs. He has asked me several times over the years to marry him and I have always avoided answering him. Just over this weekend I have come to understand why I keep putting it off and wished I had not.
Now I feel he is moving on without me. He is taking a new job and will be traveling so much I worry we will drift apart. I am trying to have courage to believe this is an opportunity for me to grow and discover more about me. Sure would like to know the title to that book you are reading.
Good to hear the two of you are still continueing the aftercare on Mondays and think it's great he is not pushing you to go to AlAnon meetings. I don't go to f2f meeting either. ( we have to do what we feel is best for ourselves )
Oh, I was curious to know how it's going with bf's daughter? I got to spend sometime with my bf's daughter yesterday. (1st time since she moved out) It was such a wonderful time just listening to her giggle.
unfortunately his books havent been transleted to english. He is a legend in Czech republic, he actually wrote book for university students about marriage and relationships and he is really first protagonist of having "marriage" as subject is schools. His name is "Miroslav Plzak", you can try to google him and see what will come up.
My abf's little girl is just blessing. I learned how to be her friend and gained some respect. She is still trying to pull the strings with me, but i'm not letting her to walk all over me. We have lots of fun, she love doing my hair, playing with my/our dog. Daddy is starting to read her bed time stories instead dvd. Its look like one big happy family. His ex is glad that she get on with me and she always had fun with us. She never hears from her that she doesnt want to go to daddy this weekend. I truly am happy at the moment. It might me different in time, but im enjoying every minute when it last.
I wish this to everybody.
If you didnt marry him so far, you had your reason. Your inner voice was telling you "don't" and you didnt. Thats all you need to know and listen, its your inner voice, hp, what ever name you want to put on it. The important thing is, you always know what is good for you, dont regret anything. You never know what tomorrow is going to bring you to your front door. Your angels will sit on your shoulder when the right moment, man, or job will staring at your face. You will know!!!
If there is more serious issue, should be solved in 2 days ect. 
)