right where we are supposed to be?? - Al-Anon Family Group

drucilla06 · Senior Member

right where we are supposed to be??

david62 · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Dru,

Oh boy dats a good question! I have had a bit of trouble understanding dat concept as well. To me it doesnt mean where I am physically is where I am supposed to be.....like at the grocery store. It also doesnt mean that I am where I am supposed to be in the terms of a bad marriage per se. To me, it means I am where I am in the sense that, every day is an opportunity for me to grow, learn, love, just be! Doesn't preclude change, ie...if the grocery store is where I am supposed to be, I better not leave! It means whereever I am, be it physically, emotionally, spiritually....well thats where I am at the moment, and to take the moment..live it to the best of my ability....to learn if I am supposed to be learning...to love if I am supposed to be loving...to rest if I am supposed to be resting. AND! To use that moment to maybe see if I am happy or if I need to possibly change something to make it so!

Well, I dunno if this makes a bit of sense...but that's my definition!

Yours in Recovery,
David

Jill · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for bringing this up. Last time I saw this I wanted to blast back, but I didn’t because I didn’t mean it against whoever said it.

I don’t believe we are where we are supposed to be. Some of us are not. Others are. To me, if someone is being beaten by their a, lives in physical fear, etc, she is NOT where she’s supposed to be. She should be in safety.

I don’t believe it when someone says “Remember, you are right where you should be”. How do they know? and it does cancel out personal responsibility.

My spin on it --- Jill

kerry5 · Senior Member

I do understand this phrase very well and it took me a long time. First i had to accept the events in my life all of them the good and especially the bad. I have lived in an abusive home and was beat every single night till i moved out basically.

I dont work, not for lack of trying i feel like i havent lived yet. Something always seems to be halted when i try. I believe a lesson i am supposed to see that i am missing.

I do not regret the events of my life and not even the abuse my parents did to me even though im still undoing alot of the harm they have done. Still learning how to live in a healthy way which seems impossible without any knowledge of what that is.

I do believe i am right where i am supposed to be in life. For if i didnt live the life i did i wouldnt be the person i am today. I surely wouldnt be this strong, this persistant, I wouldnt be able to give back to other kids what i have learnt just from my own experience in abuse and how i coped or wanted to. I know its not a good thing to live in abuse and im not saying i am grateful i have, i am saying i do not regret it. I can teach my children what i longed for in my childhood and i know exactly what that is. I can also not be afraid to admit my own mistakes i make to them.

I believe a path is set for me and throughout my life i have made very bad choices in the past, always taking the opposite path knowing i shouldnt to afraid of the right one. We do have choices, the ones we make bad or good are the ones meant for us. What ifs, should ofs, could ofs, whys, do not get us anywhere if only my life was... that is living in the past because my life was.... not. Those questions do not get answered often some of them do maybe if you really look and not right away either. Things always fall as they should. I have seen this many times i say wow i see now way down the road when i look back. Ever want something and say to yourself thank god i didnt do that because... Well we have a choice to make better decisions today and do things that make us happy without blame or resentment. It is what it is, it was what it was. Focusing back in the past doesnt do good just keeps us stuck in resentment and anger and that is a long road to come back from. Focusing on today choosing to do what is in your heart day by day and the decisions and your life path will change into good ones. If you really want it. I used to live life in my past hoping my past would somehow change into a better one and of course it never did. I stayed stuck in resentment for years and years which caused me to get sick. Our pasts dont change, we can change our lifes today and set the path for our future. I am right where i am supposed to be. I dont have to like it however i know i can change alot of it. If i do the footwork and if it fails, i will pick up dust off and try again. Hope this helps

I had to add this... A very good example i can use. I didnt want to marry my ex i did it anyway. The love of my life moved 3000 miles away and i was hurt and my ex was a rebound that lasted 12 years. Today the guy that moved away is a cocaine addict in a very well paying job going from woman to woman. I am soooooo very grateful i didnt move with him like i almost did. I used to say what if i did go i would be so happy. Till i found out about his drug and other things. Hp has a plan bigger than i can see. I can say thanks for that one. CAuse that would of been far worse 3000 miles away with a addict and womanizer. Thank god!!! I am where i am lol. Divorced however blessed with two beautiful children. I have a roof over my head live alone no one to bug me. Food in fridge! not working. Thats not to bad if i do say so myself! lol

kerry

-- Edited by kerry5 at 23:09, 2006-08-19

Lunamoth · ~*Service Worker*~

Right where I'm supposed to be, that is "at this moment in time" in our journey in life, it is a culmination of our choices. We don't always choose wisely. Sometimes we choose a direction in our life under great stress, not really knowing what we should do. I believe that no matter what choice I make, if I've prayed to my HP, done the leg work and finally made a choice that I can't negate the power of God/Hp. So in other words, whatever choices I make, my HP still works with/for me, it just may take a little longer, lol. Especially if it's my will that determining all my decisions.

The thing is that when this is said in program, I believe it is talking about where we are at in our program. We cannot speed it up -- though we'd often like to, we like seeing those who have serenity even under the hardest of circumstances. We are right where we are supposed to be and probably have life lessons to go thru to get to that point where we can hold on to our serenity a little longer and keep it more often.

All I know is that, at this moment in time, I am right were I'm suppose to be. Here doing what I'm doing, tomorrow - who knows. Hp may send me in another direction, maybe thru one of you -- I love how he works thru people in this program.

drucilla06 · Senior Member

((((family))))

Thanks so much for the great responses.

I am not sure I understand completely but here's what I think you are saying.Ok, so it's more that I am where I am due to the lessons I have learned,the paths I have chosen,the decisions and choices I have made.I made those choices based on the knowledge ( wisdom) I had at the time.Therefore I couldn't be anywhere else but where I am.

When I came back to a bad marriage it was all I could do because I was not who I am today,I was in a codependent fog and therefore unable to make a better choice.

So the woman who is being beaten,as Jill mentioned,is where she is 'supposed' to be because she does not yet have the skills,wisdom,lessons to free herself ........I don't know.I don't like that.Can anyone address that?

Here's the Miriam Webster definition of "supposed"...

a : to lay down tentatively as a hypothesis, assumption, or proposal <suppose a fire broke out> <suppose you bring the salad> b (1) : to hold as an opinion : BELIEVE <they supposed they were early> (2) : to think probable or in keeping with the facts <seems reasonable to suppose that he would profit>
2 a : CONCEIVE, IMAGINE b : to have a suspicion of

So,if I use this definition,I am right where I "assume, or believe I should be". Right?

Maybe I analyze too much drucilla

-- Edited by drucilla06 at 09:53, 2006-08-20

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

I use the saying, as reasurrance, when I'm not doing so well mentally.

Of course things could be worse, of course I could dwell on the entire world & every other person being abused in it. I could still be with my abusive addicted, soul-sucking ex, but I'm not... one day I literally ran away from him, for him to never lay eyes on me again, never have the opportunity to demean me with words again or call me names or blame me for his wretched life.

I say I'm where I'm supposed to be b/c yes, through other choices or opportunities I might have made, I'd be somewhere else. Also as 1 who has attempted suicide ~ I am still alive, so that's got to be a positive thing! Any of us could be dead from a million reasons... but we are all "here."

I also use it when I think about God... b/c when I'm ready to perceive certain "things" I do. Don't know if that makes any sense but for me, it snaps me out of thinking about the "what ifs" & into what really is, right now, this very moment.

Friend in Recovery, -Kitty of Light

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