Once more it is Friday and the weekend looms ahead of me and as usual, I dread dread dread it! Last night my son called me on the way home from his class and ended the call with "well, I hope we can have a sane weekend..."  His reference to past ones where he and his ex tangle over his visitation with the baby. She has complete say on whether he comes to visit or not; during the week, when I keep baby totaling 40-50 hours a week, he stops in after work to visit. Often ex will show up within 10 minutes of his arrival, so often the visits are short which makes son furious and me totally sick. Other times she will arrive later than usual...we never know which. There is nothing spelled out. Ex has now stated that she is tired of providing the supervision for weekend visits and wants me and Grampa to do the SA and SU supervision. This means 7 days a week if I agree, which I haven't yet. I think they need to be mature adults and work this out. Actually, it becomes a he said/she said thing. Ex will just say "he is drinking when he comes" and that is her answer; he says "I absolutely was not drinking when I went"...sometimes I see him at these times and agree he has not been drinking. Ex tells me "you are not qualified to judge if he is or isn't"...and so it goes. So here is my question to all of you:  Am I being selfish to refuse to give up time on SA and SU so that visits can happen? I feel selfish, but also know that I need time to myself. Ex says "no one says he has to visit every day..."  Is that fair? This divorce happened with my son having no legal counsel except what his ex told him....the settlement is so severe. She has full custody and his visits are at her discretion. She also has the right to move the child out of state should job opportunities or her discretion make it feasible...unless he can prove 2 years of sobriety. How do you prove that? Does he need a breathalyzer test each time he visits? Does he need a witness other than family? How do other families handle this? Ex gives mixed signals all the time. She calls him and asks him to go out and eat with her and baby. She sets up things for them to do on weekends and then, if she is too tired or decides she doesn't want involvement, she cancels. Meantime, we sit back scared to breathe for fear of losing our grandchild. It is the most hellish situation I have ever imagined in my life. And so I dread weekends so badly. I have had professional counseling and was told to walk away from the baby's daily care, to walk away from the whole mess if I ever wanted to have a life. I know this guy was right now that I am embedded in the mess, but still cannot take his advice. When I read what I have just written, I just want to delete it. It sounds so dysfunctional and I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have a family fitting that description. It sounds trashy, like some Jerry Springer scenario! Eventually, this baby will begin to realize that something is wrong. I don't think anything has been done in the baby's best interests. There are things I have not explained here about my ex DIL; I am worried sick to do that because of high profile career in our community. Very very powerful lady and quite talented in setting things up so that all will be in her favor, regardless of the hurt caused to innocent people. I do not absolve my son of his sins....I am sure I don't know what went on at times in their home, but I have a pretty good idea and the sins didn't seem bad enough that they could not have been resolved with time and counseling. Will someone out there just please give me your insight into the weekend supervision thing? At this time, that is the only issue over which I have some semblence of control. Thanks.