The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello. I found this site while looking for Alanon meetings in my area. I'm in the process of divorcing my husband who is a life long alcoholic (started drinking when he was 8. He's from East London). He walked out on our first anniversary, a month ago today. He received the divorce papers and restraining order exactly two weeks to the day after he walked out. This man put me through a Hell I had no idea I was living until he left. I just accepted my life as it was. Two days after he left I reached out to someone I thought was only an acquaintance. Turns out she is a true friend who hid my son and I for 4 days. We then moved to another "safe" house. Turns out I have more friends than I could have imagined! They all came to help. I thought I was invisible. He made me feel invisible. He and I had been together almost 5 years.........seems like an eternity! Another friend who's also married to a recovering alcoholic suggested I go to Alanon as a means to understand what it was I was living with. I truly had no idea I was in such a mess! The drunk behaviors and abuse I took as a part of our relationship. After all. he told me he loved me at least 10 times a day! The day he left, he woke up with "happy first anniversary. I love you". I felt like his alcoholism was my fault though he was down that path LONG before I met him. He made me feel like a constant burden. I did some things right though. I never really changed my name and kept my own account. He didn't work for 2.5 years and then in May he got a job that paid amazing money! I never saw a penny of it. When he left he also took the account with him. Closed it that day (obviously he had been planning to leave). The day he left I broke down. Two days later I was angry. Angry for the "what could have been". What a waste of time! There were never going to be any "what could have been's"! He's an alcoholic. Period. He needed me for his survival until he began working. Then I was not needed anymore so why stick around? Fast forward one month. I have the apartment, the furniture (for how long I don't know) and my sanity back (well, with a breakdown now and then). The future is looking brighter. I have friends now who pick me up when I fall. I had only him to knock me down even harder for a very long time. And I never realized what was happening to me! Again, I just lived it!. I'm going to my first Alanon meeting tomorrow. I'm very much looking forward to it. Perhaps I'll gain much more insight. I was so naive. I need a deeper understanding of the life I led. That's about it. Thank you for "listening".
First off--welcome--you will find a lot of kind folks here that will make you feel quite comfortable just like your friends that came out of the woodwork to lend you their support...
Hello FRee , welcome to our program and I hope u enjoy your meeting. What u will find in our meeings is the real YOU , u will find out why we allow the things we do and how to stop that . You will learn about the disease of alcoholism and how deeply it has affected your life. The good new s is that we can recover. You will never be alone again once settled in this program unless of course u choose to be.l goodluck Louise
Aloha Free!! Welcome home to this "safe" house. Alcoholism is described as cunning, powerful and baffling and your post is very descriptive of lots of the stories you will read here, including mine!
Al-Anon is for the family, friends and associates of alcoholics; those who suffer from the incurable disease of alcoholism. This disease can never be cured, it can only be arrested by total abstinence. (just a little info from my early meetings).
The Family Groups are for you and if your children are old enough there is Alateen also. This is where we come to figure out what we have been doing that has supported the disease and caused us trouble and changing them.
Welcome free! Just keep reminding yourself that you were not the reason that he drank. I was in an abusive marriage once, he made me feel exactly like you did. I still have problems with it now and then, but you have to keep telling yourself that he was sick, that his perception was off.
Welcome to our family of recovery - Looks like you have already discovered the Courage to Change - so glad that you are letting us be a part of your journey to recovery -
Keep coming back - it works if you work it,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Wow! Thank you for all of your wonderful responses! Well, I attended my first meeting today (there was no meeting yesterday, they're on Tues, Thurs. & Friday). Walking in was a bit intimidating as my friend had not arrived and I went in alone. There were about 20 people (two of those men) sitting in a large circle. After business had been taken care of a story was read. Great story of hope. But, may I be honest here. I found myself trying to find a thread of comparison to my life in the story. Wow. How self-involved am I now? Then they asked if anyone had anything to share. Again, I sat there actually feeling anger that these women had it easy compared to me! Geez! I don't even know them yet, I don't know the Hell they could have lived through and I'm thinking, "yeah, try living what I lived". Wow. How terrible is that? Then a man spoke and I felt the hairs rise on my neck immediately. His wife is an alcoholic. He related a story as to how, before Alanon, she did something he didn't approve of he came down on her.... hard. Now he handles it much differently; asks her why and doesn't assume that she went against their mutual wishes just to create a scene. He was so proud of himself for being UNDERSTANDING, that was all I could think. He was so proud for being what, to me, is a normal thing. I was angry at this man I don't even know. Just for being a man! WOW, it's not his fault. And he SHOULD be proud of what he has accomplished on the road to understanding! I'm the one with the problem. I had no idea I still had so much anger. I'm full of it! (LOL, yeah, that too!). My friend bought the book, "How Al-Anon Works" for me. I plan on reading a bit every day. I know now that my friend was right. I must learn to deal with this anger. I must learn to be able to live without fear. When I was with him I kept walls around me. I'm knocking down those walls one brick at a time. Of course I want it to be over night. The hard part for me is having faith. This is not something I feel I've earned. This too will come. I've made mistakes. As a friend of mine says, "I've made mistakes, some I'm not proud of but none I'm ashamed of". I think maybe my HP knows this too. All I have to do is believe. Thank you all again, and thank you for welcoming me!
