Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> lost my ability to detatch!
Post Info TOPIC: lost my ability to detatch!
TLC2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 653
Date:
lost my ability to detatch!
Permalink  

I remember at one time, years ago now, when I could actually detatch, and honestly didn't care if  my A drank or not. I decided to go on with my life, and enjoy myself, do things just for me. Somewhere on this rollercoaster ride, I lost that, and a very important person-me.


 I started obscessing again. Started worrying in April if the A would go on a binge in August. I have been so uptight this year especially. Fact: he is an Alcholic without a program, and he will slide. He had been doing so well though, went months without getting drunk. He has been drinking a lot more lately and I guess I knew this was coming. So what? There's not a damn thing I can do about it, so why waste my life, sanity and energy worrying about it?


We had an arguement last night, he was slurring his words, so I kicked him out and told him to go sleep in the camper. I know now that I did the right thing, for me, but I stupidly apologised to him this morning and told him to come in the house (it was cold out there).He said he would be in later. When he came in, he was drunker than he was last night. He said he got into my daughter's drinks that she had left out there, then went back out. I went out to get my daughter's drinks so he wouldn't drink them. She had had a party with two friends she hadn't seen in months. (She's home for two weeks on holiday).  Anyway, I asked him where it was, and found his bottle of #@$$^%$#@ vodka! I took it from him and brought it in the house, (forgetting the 3 c's).I also took his keys so he couldn't drive, but guess I didn't get them all! He drove to get more vodka, of course! DUH! How could I be so stupid? Then I felt terrible in case he hurt or killed some innocent person, but didn't call the cops because I didn't want him to loose his license again, and I'd have to do all the driving-again. Very selfish of me, I know, and I'm sorry for that. Thankfully, a friend of his called me to let me know where he was, and that he was ok. He is doing the driving for him, probably getting paid for it.


He was very loving not too long before he left, and told me he would never cheat on me. Stupid me, again, didn't catch on until after he left. He had planned on leaving, and that's why he said that.


Well, I walked around in a daze for most of the day, obscessing, upset... Reading posts on here, tried to respond to a few, but ended up deleting most of them. I guess I knew I wasn't in any shape to help anyone else when I couldn't even help myself.


I started feeling better tonight, and did some much-needed housework. Daughter is messy, and her little guy can sure generate the laundry!! I had pretty well given up on keeping the house to my standards while she's here. Just want to enjoy every minute of their visit I can. She was upset this morning, and called a friend to come get her. I don't know why A has to act up every time my kids are here. His daughter was here nearly a month, and he stayed sober GGRRRR Of course, I forgot all my program and tried to reason with him while he was drunk. I really fell off the recovery wagon last night and today!!!!


Tomorrow, I will start over, and work on me!! I feel I take one step forward, and 10 steps back lately!! I also think I will start going to f2f now. I don't care what he thinks about it, he'll just have to handle it! I'm going to try to get my sanity, my serenity and my SELF back! I miss me! Please pray for my success, and boot me in the behind if you see me slipping! Love you all, and have to start loving ME again, TLC



__________________
Sending lots of TLC2U
debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3131
Date:
Permalink  

Oh you didn't lose it. We all get caught off guard you know. It is such a confusing thing to deal with someone who changes all the time.


We do what is natural, get rid of the booze, chase them down, that was me. Don't feel bad. Just get back up and go on, which is exactly what you did.


I doubt we ever will be able to do this program perfectly. Who could. You know as well as I most people cannot live with an A. Pat yourself on the back for all the good time.


I am sorry other family has to be involved.That really upsets me more than me being upset.


Also learned too, that when we goof, it is usually becuz we have not been reading alanon stuff or coming her or attending meetings.


For me it also is not reminding myself of truths. TT is the one who said, hey you are being pulled into the drama.


When I went to look for my A, I did not even think about it could be the other guy, the mean one. I did not think at all. Then what I did was forget to say oh it is you. Then turn around and go home.


So my dear friend, that is how come we have alanon. We know what to do now and what not to do. If we goof we get right back on program.


So stop being hard on yourself. I don't know what I would do with out you.


love,debilyn



__________________

"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
<(*@*)>
annmarie


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 511
Date:
Permalink  

TLC2,

when I read you post, my heart went out to you. It's so tough sometimes.
I agree of course with Debilyn, and that it's hard just to be human sometimes.

I am in a very similar situation myself at the moment.....just keep slipping back....maybe that's how progress goes....kind people say it is.

You're not alone, and you are certainly in my prayers. Hp will look after you and give you your strength back
AM

__________________
Karilynn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3656
Date:
Permalink  

(((((((((((((((TLC))))))))))))),


Sorry you had such a rough time.  Here's to you and your recovery. Don't be so hard on yourself, we all slip. The beauty of this prorgam is that you can start all over again any time you want.  Remember tomorrow is a new day and the sun always comes out.


Love and blessings to you and your family.  Enjoy the time with your daughter and grandson. 


Live strong,


Karilynn & Pipers Kitty :sunL



__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
TLC2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 653
Date:
Permalink  

Thank-you, my dear friends, for your encouragement! I don't know what I would have ever done without this board and you wonderful people.


HP was really there for me last night! I came to the chapter that I really, really needed in 'Co-dependent No More'. It was like it was written just for me, and was such perfect timing! I am going to re-read it before I go to my favorite thrift store. I have found all my Alanon books there, maybe I'll be lucky today, and find another perfect one. Heck, luck has nothing to do with it, it is HP bringing me another blessing! Love you all, TLC who is devoting the WHOLE day to herself.



__________________
Sending lots of TLC2U
twinmom2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 853
Date:
Permalink  

(((TLC)))


Glad your back posting.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  I know for me when i lose sight of my Alanon tools life is very difficult dealing with the A.  I'm irrational and emotional and begin playing into his drama and chaos.  I forget that he can spin a web of shaming and blaming to get me caught up.  I realize my mistakes after the dust has settled and I get some peace to meditate and think on what happened and how I played a part in it.  That's usually when I can focus again on program and doing what's right for me.  Your doing great, keep hanging in there.


Hugs,


Twinmom~



__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
TLC2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 653
Date:
Permalink  

Thank-you again friends for your loving support. I had an ok day. Didn't find any books, but did find a back brace that I desperatly needed! I took myself out to supper, and even had shrimp and a big no-no, cheesecake. It was so yummy!


I didn't go any farther, the price of gas is sooo darn high here in Canada. $122/ tiny little litre. It has never been so high, gee thanks government for regulating it! Oh well, at least I did go out. One day soon, I may push myself and go see an old friend or something. I pretty well gave up all my friends when I got with the A. Maybe they won't want anything to do with me anymore...


A called before i left, sounded sober, but he has certainly fooled me before. I didn't feel like talking to him or dealing with his drama, so hung up as soon as I knew who it was. From now on, I'll let the machine get it, and if it's someone else, I'll call them back.'Sorry, I'm kinda down tonight,



__________________
Sending lots of TLC2U
maresie2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1718
Date:
Permalink  

I can definitely relate to the anger.  I can also relate to the guilt and feeling overwhelmed. Thank you for posting your truth it lessens my sense of shame about my outrage sometimes over the A's behavior. I realised recently he expects to be able to behave outrageously and for me to say nothing and enable him!


 


Maresie.



__________________
maresie
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> lost my ability to detatch!