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Well today is just one of those face reality days.......the reality of my life, the reality of how I want to live......and knowing it is all in my hands....
I have suspected that hubby is using again......not positive, just know the signs and know his actions when drinking....there is no doubting this....
So anyway, here I sit with the reality that hubby will never stay sober for long periods of time...this I'm very sure is so true......
The thing is that is not where my head is at......my head is thinking about my tomorrow, how am I gonna change my life for me.....that is what I have been thinking about....
I know that I need to get out into the work force again.....simply my kids are teens now they are very busy......I need something just for me......and may as well make some well needed cash.....lol......meet some new people, I don't know just know in the reality of my life I desperately need something to change........
Anyway, just feeling a little low and wanted to share for a minute......
LOL. Weekends are hard. I am always at my lowest on Saturday night. I gotta do something about that. I hear you. There has to be something better than this for us. In Alanon they say we can only change ourselves. I loved being a mother but gradually the boys didn't need so much from me. I appreciate my job but I have never been much of a career woman.
Keep looking. I hope you find what you are looking for.
I went back to work when my kids were in elementary school, part-time and then full-time when they went to middle school and I have to tell you it the best thing I did for my self-esteem. I became a SOMEBODY. I found the pre-mom, pre-wife Maria. It was/is great.
Just this week, my son complained that he can never get ahold of me anymore (he's 18) because I am ALWAYS in a meeting (lol). My how the tides have turned. I think doing a job you love is a great idea my dear.
Keep us posted. love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I am sorry to hear this news. My boyfriends drug addiction ended in some disaster for me recently he crashed the truck I almost killed myself to pay for. There is always some crisis looming with an A. Right now he is in the contrite stage and that is not going to last for ever.
You have been through so much with your husband's relapses. I hope you can find ways to make yourself more independent and take care of you. I am not one of those people who advocate leave and leave right now. At the same time I do think there are things we can do to move away from the chaos and constant crisis.
I'm sorry my friend. I wish there was something I could do for you and your family. You are such a wonderful person, and deserve every happiness in the world. There is nothing I can say that will help you at the moment.
Know that you are loved and whatever you decided I'm behind you 150% and then some. Do what you have to, to take care of you. I'll keep all of you in my prayers tonight and every night.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Oh, dear ((((((Andrea)))))), I don't know what to say, except to please continue to work on you and your recovery. You have found such peace and you so deserve that. I'm here for you and will continue to pray for you and your beautiful family.
I hate to hear, Andrea, that hubby may be using again. But you are right,; you need something just for YOU! If it is getting out into the work force to help with the finances, go for it. If it's a hobby or a dream, go for that too. Your post is a wise one, and I know you'll land on your feet.
You are in my prayers and positive thoughts, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I'm sorry about your situation. I know how scary it can be to wonder if he is using/drinking.
I think your idea about working outside the home is a great idea! I felt that way when I wasn't working, during my first marriage. It gave me a sense of identity to have a job...in a weird sort of way. I guess when you get lost in their identities, doing for them, for everyone else, you sort of lose who you are. It was all about my ex, anyway, and I was just his little "kept wife". I sure felt kept...in a "trapped" sort of way...LOLOL!
Whenever I'm feeling really down about my dad going through his using/sober cycles I remember something I read in a book about "hostage psychology". That, inevitably, by the time the hostages are freed, they feel such a sympathy for their hostage takers, such a perverse relationship, they don't want the relationship to end. And they'll re-enact the relationship with their intimates (children, spouses, collegues at work) or they'll attempt to some how continue the relationship with the hostage takers (even when their hostage takers were killed, the victims would religiously attend to their graves).
I know today at some point that my father has to choose recovery. And tragically, there is a sizeable portion of this world that is well aware of where the solution to recovery lies and refuses to embrace it. And even in recovery, there's work involved, and the key feature of an alcholic, as described in the literature is a hyper emotional sensitivity and a psychological immaturity--so this means, ultimately, that there's a sizeable portion of alcholics that'll make it to AA that won't work the steps; won't get a sponsor; won't read the literature. They will choose to stay with their hostage taker, more or less.
So, in responce, I choose recovery for myself today. I choose to work on my prospective. I choose to continue to work the steps. To work with a sponsor. To live the solutions I have been taught. I be happy, joyous, and free. Ultimately, the decision to embrace recovery is between the sufferer and their god. I am not it.
I have had the same thoughts about my hubby. And it is really hard for me to accept that he may not have the sobriety that he had before. HP has his timing, and I may not like it, but he does know what is best for me and hubby.
Getting out and keeping yourself busy sounds like a great idea. You need to take care of you hun. When I had wasn't keeping busy it was harder for me to keep the focus on me.
You know we are here for ya.
Yours in recovery,
Dolphin123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
I wish there was something I could do for you and your family. You are such a wonderful person, and deserve every happiness in the world. There is nothing I can say that will help you at the moment.
). 
Ultimately, the decision to embrace recovery is between the sufferer and their god. I am not it.