The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I've been keeping you updated about how I've been doing and what's been going on with me. And it occured to me about what was really at the core about alot of my feelings. (And you newcomers are entitled to laugh, make comments or whatever you feel, because, yes, this is a commupance of some kinds; and I've *never* met an al anon that didn't take *some* satisfaction in people they don't like getting their "just desserts".) I realized that, like a lot of us want acknowledging for our suffering or our realities, I wanted like a gold star or something like for everything I had done.
Something along the lines of "keys to the city." Or a vaca to the bahamas. Something significant that was worth my massive emotional expenses that I've suffered. *Note the martyrdom complex at work here.
When the reality was/is when I cut myself a little bit of slack/ take it easy on myself, I don't need acknowledgment from outside sources (especially from alcholics). I know the true weight of my decisions, and I feel good aobut them, or I wait until I can make honest, "to thine own self be true" decisions.
So, here's where I'm driving at: how do you *live* Easy Does it, especially on yourself? Alot of us are in major transitional periods, like me--we're hanging onto "just for today," "first things first," et cetera, but I hear us being *so hard on ourselves*. How do you live Easy Does it?
***By any chance, does someone have Easy Does It as it's explained in "How Al Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcholics" (I *think* that's the title?)***
This just my take. When I do "easy does it", on my A, then it comes back to me in the same or greater measure. When I try to get in the way of HP, I am no longer applying "easy does it". And I do slip and try to tweak the situation(shame on me).
Take the parts of this that you want and leave the rest.
Recovery takes time, total recovery takes total time
I would say that I work overtime to not beat myself up. That is pretty hard around an A because living with any A seems to involve so much disappointment, set backs, anger, grief and more.
I no longer beat myself up that I am where I am. I no longer beat myself up that I am not more knoweldgeable than I am. I am where I need to be. I am working on myself that's enough.
