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Last night my A who started as a drug addict and to overcome that he started drinking, you know you can’t break a habit you only replace it with another one. He chose A. My A went to the gym and worked out for 3 hours than came home. When I got home from work we got into an argument and he than preceded to tell me his whole D and A problem came from me and that I’m a crabby B…. I have always been I will admit I’m not the easiest person to get along with but a lot of men have b….. girl friends and are not D&A’s. He proceeded to get drunk and start screaming and yelling at me and the neighbors, you see they call the police on him and he got a DUI in our driveway than on July 5th he was outside screaming at their house at 1:00 in the morning threatening them and got arrested for drunk & disorderly and resisting arrest. He doesn’t work anymore because he hates him self and is extremely depressed and his license is suspended. From the moment he wakes up to the moment he goes to bed he feels sorry for himself. He also accused me of not caring enough how the neighbors treated him and not doing enough for him I guess I should have gotten drunk and arrested that would have been enough. Well he took off walking at about 7:00 p.m. I couldn’t sleep worrying about what was going to happen when he got home, so at 1:30 I herd him yelling something about blood and I went and checked on him and he was bleeding he had huge holes in his arm in 4 different places he got stuck on a fence some ware he needs stitches but he won’t go. He also told me he tried to kill himself by walking into a train but he flew off the train and he lost his shoes walked for 7 hours without his shoes. I tell you I can’t take anymore of this I’m exhausted I can’t sleep I can’t function. I don’t want to spend my life like this he’s not worth all I feel for him is disgust. Just wanted to vent I’m so depressed. Thanks.
(((shadow)))) sorry u had such a choatic evening...ugh.....reminds me of the days living with my ex..We always seemed to have a good one after a long day at work. Of course I guess there is no good time to deal with an A, is there? I too was a crabby b...but had ya beat cause I was a crazy crabby b...I hope today goes better for u...Since it sounds like you had very little sleep, I hope u take some extra time out for you today...(((hugs))) shadow
I am sorry you are in the crazy part of this disease. When I first came here the first thing someone told me is I didn't cause this, can't control it and can't cure it. The biggest B in the world can not make someone drink. They do that all by themselves.
Maybe you are a raving B. It sure doesn't sound like it from what you have posted. You sound upset and distraught as many of us have been when someone's drinking starts getting blamed on everything in sight... and mostly us.
They have a choice about how they deal with things in their life, but guess what.... so do you! Coming here is a good start. We care about you and have been where you are. Many of us have started going to meetings to understand what we can do to make us better despite what demons our loved ones are dealing with.
Working the program can help you understand yourself and what you need to be happy even if the A's in our lives are in that downward spiral and trying to take us with them.
I hope you have the option to stay with a friend or family and get some rest. Keep coming back and maybe hop into chat. Know you are not alone, and we care.
Take care of you! You are worth it!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I was led to believe I was the biggest b there could possibly be!
Are you trying for my title!!
Seriously, I'm going through exactly the same as you at the moment....the craziness...the worry...everything.....
how do I cope?...sometimes not very well. I keep trying though but it's real tough lately. Stop beating yourself up, you know you don't deserve it.
I was told last night that I caused him to drink and I was in the process of causing him to lose his job. That really hurt. But I know I didn't cause it...he knows that too really. He's sick and gripped by a powerful addiction. Not my fault, not in my control, not yours either.
Be kind to yourself shadow. Look after yourself in the midst of his mayhem. Don't allow yourself to get dragged in. You know you deserve to look after yourself really.
