The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I will get right to the point, my ex bf went to rehab 4 months ago, spent 30 days in rehab and has been very active in AA since. Ok, so, he doesnt contact me once he gets back from rehab, his sponsor says its best we stay away from each other, work our own program, I agree.
He lived with me for a couple of weeks before going to Rehab, total mayhem and chaos. I believe I was as miserable and sick as he was. Since he left, I threw myself into my program double time. I put the situation at Gods hands and have felt some peace.
Been seeing him periodically at mtg place where he attends AA and me Alanon, we say hi, no hard feelings between us. Of course my heart just goes crazy when I see him. I have no idea how he feels about me right now. Before he left for rehab, I think he could have spit nails on me. Lots of distorted thinking for both of us.
As I was leaving my mtg last night, I looked at him and said, want to go for coffee, he says ok. Not sure why I said it. Good possibility we will go tonite. Now, I am SO ANXIOUS about seeing him and want to say, did you care for me or were you just manipulating me?
I so want honesty with him on how he felt and what was real and what wasnt. But I am not sure whats best for me right now.
Good luck with that. Are you anxious because you want it to work out any certain way? Do you feel anxious when you bump into him between meetings? If not, why not? What's that old saying about expectations... premeditated resentments, I think is how it goes.
Hopefully you can have a pleasant coffee date with someone that you care for. Wouldn't that be a blessing, just to have a good time.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
i remember asking questions of my ah and being terrified of the answers. i was scared that the truth would be something different than i thought it was. so i stopped asking. after all, does it really matter? i found that i could go on from today and not look back and stare and wonder. i came to believe that my feelings were true and my love was true and i knew that and that's all that mattered. starting over was hard till i decided to give us both a clean slate. it also let me let go of the resentments and anger i was holding on to. what mattered the most to me was how he felt right now and how i felt. all the rest was done with. i didn't always feel this way and there were times that i drove myself and my ah crazy with questions that sometimes he just couldn't answer. so, good luck, do what you need to do to be happy and know that it's the right thing to do. oh i also have said a prayer asking hp to let the right words come out of my mouth. that seems to help because left to my own devices i have a tendency to say the total wrong thing.
