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I worked last night from 2pm to 12am. the entire time I was at work I watched this man go through one of the worst days of his like at my store. His car broke down his friends were on there way to get him when they got into a car accident leaving 2 people dead and 2 people hospitalized in critical care. His girlfriend said she was at the hospital with them and would come pick him up when she got the chance. While he was waiting he ran into her coworker who to his suprise she has been sleeping with. Long story short by the time i got off of work it was aparent that he had been stranded. I felt bad and gave him a ride home. when I returned home my other half could bearly stand up he was so drunk. He began questioning me and I began to lie scared. It didn't last long I'm not one to lie by nature. I told him the whole story. He went into a jelious rage and broke my phone tore my house apart, my car, and then striped me down to " inspect me". He then said he was leaving I begged him not to leave in the state he was in to sleep on the couch and he could go in the morning. We fought well into the morning after only 2hrs if that of sleep my alarm went off and I informed him that he would hve to leave when I leave ( he has done this before and when I left the house he stole stuff from me pawned it and then blamed it on me for making him upset.). He through a fit but did leave.
He was doing so good (better than ever) until last night I don't know how I should respond to this or to him when he calls or shows back up. I know I shouldn't of given that man a ride home. I'm tempted to beg for forgiveness but I really didn't do anything wrong. I don't know!!!
Well, don't ask for forgiveness. I can't see that you did any wrong at all that needs forgiveness. Please protect yourself. You don't deserve to be treated like that and it sounds a little scarey. And maybe ask for guidance from your HP.
You certainly didn't do anything wrong by giving that poor man a ride home. The way of an alcoholic is to blame others because they are insecure themselves, and it makes them feel a little better. Why on earth do you have to apologize for the way that your alcoholic felt? He is trying to control you, and you need to get the help you need to keep from being sucked into his manipulation. That's the cycle of emotional abuse...you do something, he blames you, you apologize, he feels better, you are sad because he tries to control what you feel like doing. It keeps going and going until you either crack under the strain of being what he wants you to be or you find a way to stop the abuse.
Sounds like a heck of a night. I don't know how new you are to alanon, but if you could hit a couple of meetings and get some literature, that would sure give u a start on what to do, and a ton of support.
I notice that with some the A's in my life, the minute i started thinking things were going good..all he** broke loose. I hope you can take sometime out for yourself today, and get a good nights sleep.
Penny you don't deserve to be treated badly! Take care of you.
Penny I have been where you are. It is horrible. Ya love them yet they have abused you and vandalized your home!
I know it is hard, but the best thing to do is call the police and have him answer to his behavior. I protected mine, and it made it worse.
I got a restraining order.
You are the only one who can change, we cannot change anyone else.
You sound like a very kind person, please love you enough to care for YOU.
If you can, give yourself some time to think about this. Look for a face to face alanon meeting in your area and get there asap if you can.
Also, it helped me, find a women's group for domestic violence. Abuse is a crime, it gets worse and people die, pets die, homes are trashed.
This man does not respect you or your home. I know it is hard to face when they have that "nice" side. But until he chooses to get help for this behavior, I hope you will take care of you.
If my A husband even starts to be obnoxious I tell him to get out. If he doesn't I call the sheriff.
They are very, very sick. But if we coddle them, they will not get help.
If you call the police, and he has to feel the misery from his behavior, maybe he will choose to change it.
But that is not our problem. We have to take care of ourselves.
Hon am glad you came here. I hope you stick around.
Omg! Honey! I haven't experienced violence like that for a year thank god but sweetie you might want to seriously consider getting the police involved. That kind of violence puts your life in danger honey! ((Penny)) I don't want you to be a casualty of someone's drinking.
U think u need to ask for forgivness ?? I think not u were doing something nice for someone who was in trouble . Any one who would strip you down to check to see if u have been intimate with someone else needs to be smacked u side the head. What a demoralizing thing to do to someone they say they care about.
This is abuse - u don't deserve to be treated like like by anyone. You have a right to respect and it begins with you .first u learn to respect yourself then u get it from others . Please find some meetings for yourself wether this man comes back into your life or not. Your worth the effort. Drunk or sober that kind of behavior is totaly unexceptalbe. good luck Louise
I agree with all the people above, you have NOTHING to be forgiven for. What could possibly be wrong with helping a fellow human being? I gotta tell ya, it'd be a cold day in h*ll before anyone ever stripped me for inspection. That is just simply demoralizing. You can at any time say "NO". That is something your A can understand.
I understand being afraid to call the police, but please know that it will only continue if you don't have a boundary in place. You can call the police and end the craziness. I promise you will have much better results then if you beg him to stay.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You did nothing wrong. What's for your A to forgive???? What he is doing is NOT your fault!! Certainly you want to be aware that this man is dangerous. His abuse will, no doubt, escalate, and you'll be the brunt of it. Bad situation. Please be careful, and take care of yourself.
With caring and concern, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
hi Penny , this programme gives us alot of freedom of choice in as many ways as possible once we get into it ... but it does recommend that we keep ourselves physicially safe , and I agree with the others that what hes done here is not OK , well it's at least borderline. Still I know what it's like when if you maybe don't 'want to be told that' perhaps , I know for myself I might have felt like that at times , and there are also times when we are 'powerless over' the situation as well , I have been in situations where I was too entrenched to do anything about it . But in this programme there is growing awareness though , so what we are saying here is to be aware at least ... in case you're not , that behaviour is not OK ... the best guide I've seen on this is the book One Day at a Time in Alanon ,
if you want to be gentle with yourself and take things slowly I'm sure that the programme can help you , it's really great once you get into it ,
Omg! Honey! I haven't experienced violence like that for a year thank god but sweetie you might want to seriously consider getting the police involved. That kind of violence puts your life in danger honey! ((Penny)) I don't want you to be a casualty of someone's drinking. 
