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I have not been on much, been sick and sicker and sickest... ON meds but they are making me even sickierest.
Plus my mother in law is dieing. I went to see her and she says, "what are you doing here?" nice eh? dieing a B, how horrible. I told her I did not care if she was mad at me or not, I cared about her.
I cannot find my A anywhere. Last I heard he was over a hundred days clean, on program. He has my phone number wrong. I went to his p.o. and he gave our address but the phone was wrong that he gave her. He called my friend of forty years, I told some of you, but she took his number and called me. phone booth so you cannot call it.
NO word since. He does not know his mom is dieing. But he knows she is in the hospital. But none of that side of the family can find him.
They have called me and my son looking for him.
I did my footwork, left my number where ever I could think of, shelters, temp work etc. My friend drove me to Albany to do errands as I cannot drive. So that is when I met his p.o. nice lady.
Anyway she brought me home. I took a nap, then woke up, thinking put an add in the paper. Then thought, fliers...so here it is nine thirty pm I am at Roths IGA making fliers with his picture and name on top underneath call your wife. I love you. I know I will get crank calls, I don't care. got home at one am.
I put over fifty fliers all over Albany. Took them to every shelter, just everywhere. even went to the bad part of town. that was scary. this one old vet started talking to me. There were other people around in front of a little store.
He showed me his scar from getting shot in Nam. man it was horrible. He was cussing and awful when I drove up. But it was interesting how he changed his language and treated me like a lady when he spoke to me. Showed me his VA card. So sad, our vets being homeless.
I started passing a couple fliers around, he kept telling people not to hassel me, I was a good lady. smile. Just becuz people are homeless does not mean they don't still have hearts uno?
I feel better emotionally now. Not much more I can do until I put his pic and whatever in the paper on Monday. Have to listen to my heart. I know something is very wrong. My intuition is red hot. Even if he is straight, remember he is brain damaged from the brain tumor removal.
Had to do all I could, it is called footwork, then ya leave it to your hp, mine being the creator, to bring the outcome.
Jehovah God, Please,Grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, courage to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference. so as always, he is in hp's hands.
I cannot tell you how awful I feel to think of being on the earth with out him. My son said some awful things, like I don't care if they find him in a ditch dead etc. It tore me apart. Maybe NO ONE else cares about him, but "I" do.
I don't give a Rats patootey what anyone else says. I married him for better and worse and the whole thing. I will not give up until he is dead.
so there. love,debilyn
Ps. now it is the day after. My daughter things this bad tooth has my left side screwed up. ear, sinus neck etc. painful. gads. Will someone come over and make me tea and potato soup? Read to me? tuck me in. sing? I pushed myself, everyone is fed and watered and sprayed down. Feels hot out. so now I am a slug, a slug with an infected head....love.....Please say a prayer for Mr.Potter, husband of debilyn to come home
I will say a prayer for Mr. Potter husband of debilyn to come home. And if I lived in your area I would come over and make tea and potato soup,read to you and tuck you in. I don't think I had better sing though. I am so sorry you are sick.
As sick as you are, you have really pushed yourself. I know you want to be with your husband and he should very well be there with his wife, but have you rested? We heal when we rest. I know you cant rest your mind, but please try to rest your body.
Put this in God's hands and don't take it back from him. He will answer your prayers. Sending Hugs and Prayers your way, Jade.
Please get some rest.You cannot get better walking around pushing yourself.I know you are concerned,I understand.Your thoughts that something is terribly wrong reminded me of something.
I was at work one day and I was having bad PMS.I had just bought Pamprin but had never used it before.So I took 2 as the box said to.Within an hour I had a horrible feeling that something was terribly wrong.I knew something awful had happened or was about to happen.I tried to keep working but I could not shake the feeling.I mentioned it to one of the other girls there and she said I should call my husband and my mom.I knew my AH was on his way home from an AA meeting ( about a 45 minute drive).As for my mom,my sister had taken her out to see an apartment,about an hour drive.So they were both in cars,I didn't want to scare them with my feeling of impending doom.
The co worker suggested I say I was checking to see if they had called me,that I missed a call and thought it might be them.So I did that.My husband was already home and fine and my sister and mom were just leaving the apartment and were fine.I didn't know what else to do but keep working.About 2 1/2 hours after I had taken the pamprin the feelings subsided and I felt fine.I am convinced it was an ingredient in the pills that had that affect on me.I told the coworker and she said she has known of that happening with other medication.She takes the pamprin with no problems.I gave them to her.Another co worker said her son gets anxiety attacks from ibuprofen.Very strange.
This may have absolutely nothing to do with you but I'm just wondering if the meds you are taking are having any odd effects on you.Could even be an allergic reaction.I know you are very smart about these things but sometimes we need reminders.
I'm just concerned.I know I don't really know you but you are my cyber friend and I care.
I wish I could give you some comforting words on your hub.I am saying a prayer for him and for you.
Here's some tea and a donut . ( sorry,couldn't find soup)
I am afraid I may have this crap in my lungs again that took me 9 weeks to get over last time, and I honestly thought it was going to kill me.
geez.
I wish I could answer you all individual. just feel too crummy.
Dru, I betcha it was the caffeine in the pamprin.
The day I felt awful is the first day no one knew where he was. Not his family, no one. still no word. but thank you sweetie. I often too, get my dreams mixed up with reality. they are so real. It was an awful dream. He was mad becuz his tools are all over the floor in the den, sigh, which they are...lol and called me a c. He hasn't nor has anyone ever called me that before. icky
lol I cannot push myself. believe me. took a anti barf med and was able to get to walmart to get my prevacid for my gut, and took two darvocet. I hate taking the vicodan, hate it. Maxalt is horrible and I will never take it again. stupid stupid.
I had to have looked awful, crummy blue shorts a blouse that would not stay buttoned and Fannie Alice was "kissing" my legs when I went out there and got her ole snooty prints on me. She is my baby Yorkshire girl. adorable.
I was so sick I made sure no one touched anything I did.
pushing myself now but needed to hear you guys words. the phenergan really helped. Not nauseated. remind me not to eat salmon when I am sick. sure was good at the time.
hp is here with me, can feel it.
I told my A no more invisible husband. That I would get a divorce. I cannot and do not want to remarry, just cannot hold on anymore. I need to cut it off.
Being married and him saying he wants to be, gives me false hope as you all know.
Spose to get my hay in. bugs the heck out of me. gotta get it somehow. Guess I need to bug my son. just have to.
sorry I am rambling. Feeling a bit lonely.
I wish I could tell you all how much you mean to me. This spot has so many cool people. always willing to give a hug if they are too new to know what to say.
that is so nice. I need to catch that lunamouth. she is out of my reach lately.
oh man this is a real drag. oops there I go complaining. If this does not get better, this time I am getting some oxygen here. Will call the doc on monday. have to.
geez all I wanna do is have some fun.......love, poor pitiful me.....(c: debilyn who is now in her pretty white cotton nightgown and shoulda wore it to walmart.....
I just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your husband. I am so so sorry you feel so sick on top of everything. That must be awful.
I would make you some nice potato soup and tea if I lived closer, really. I would listen to your woes and try to give you some words of encouragement. I know when I was at my wits end one time with AH, my AA sponsor was so caring and wonderful to me, and gave me a cup of tea and just listened to me. Women are so important and supportive to each other.
You have done an awful lot to find your husband. Maybe you can rest now and leave it up to HP. I know it has been exhausting for you, physically and emotionally - rest and take care of your caring, thoughtful self...
My prayers and good vibes are coming your way... Love, HeidiXXXX
and a donut 
. ( sorry,couldn't find soup) 