So we lost power last nite till around 6am. I could not sleep & was burning up. It was in the 80's here. I opened a window & it did not help not a breeze one. My A slept like a snoring baby. I took my new sleep pills & I think it has the opposite effect on me. I could not shut my brain up. I tried counting, I got to 75. I think. I was wide awake till 4am. I felt like I was having a panic attack, heart was pounding, blood racing & not a xanax one in the house. I got up around 9am, I think

So anyway more on my soap opera of a life, I left my A a detailed note of what I NEEDED her to do while I was on vacation. I verbally went over it with her too. It only had 2 things on it. I needed my meds filled on the day I was to return. I can only call in a refill 5 days prior to the day I had it filled last month. hmm, that would have made it August 1st.

I also asked her to return or renew about a half dozen library books that were due Saturday July 29. Sounded really simple huh? I gave her the library cards & my prescription card along with the list of refills I would need when she picked me up. She put the prescription card with the list of refills in her wallet.

Well, While I was in SC I did call home and left two messages. She never called back. I thought all systems go. My shuttle van arrived in the big town near home. I was 15 min late. I had given her the arrival time an hour early so she would be on time. She did call a friend in town to come & pick me up.

When I got to their house, I called home. She broke the key off in the ignition of the Lincoln. I had had a problem getting the steering wheel out of the the locked postion the day I was to leave. I can't remember if she remembered or I reminded her about calling our friend that knows about ignitions. He told her it was the key & not the ignition. He told her to get 3 copies made & one of the 3 would work. The neighbor next door found a spare key they had. Tina gave them a key to the camper that she found too. I asked about the pickup. The carborator was on but she could not keep it running.

I did get her to call my boss about my schedule though. I had to call her long distance & get it myself. My boss had not put me on the schedule yet. I said I could come in at 2 pm. I was thinking my A would pick me up in my car. I had to sleep at our friends house in town.

So about 11am , she shows up & the nieghbors brought her to pick me up. Great! She had been to town twice for dog food but had forgotten to get pick up my meds. She would be in town on Friday for a Dr appt. She did not want to ask them to go wait to pick up my meds & have to wait. (This is wierd but when the neighbors travel. They all go for a ride. All 4 members & no A/C in the van. They sat inside the hot van and waited 15 minutes till the power company opened from lunch)  I got dropped off at work at 1:30pm not 2pm. boss wrote me down as arriving at 2pm.

I was to be picked up at 8pm. I waited till around 3pm & called my A to see if the keys started the lincoln. she was upset that I was bothering her but it did start. She did get the neighbors to stop at a mechanic and ask about the carborator.  He showed her what to try to get it to work. The float was stuck & we needed to tap on it. She would need my help when I got home.

Amazingly she did pick me up on time. LOL  She had forgot to return the library books & would cover the late fines. I wanted to scream but I bit my toungue. I was to be at work at 7am Thursday. Well we tried to start the truck & tap on the float it did not work. she would take it back to the repair shop. she was not going to call him because he would be technical and she would not understand him. She wanted to tell what had happened while I was gone.  She had a call of a runaway goat. It was not ours but she got the goat in the backseat of the lincoln. yes I did say that! The interior was not immaculate & now there is corn on the floorboard. The neighbors got the runaway goat. She did call & find out where the goat had started from. It was a bad situation & they (original owner & my A ) decided not to return it. but she wanted me to go look at the goat.

I got up late Thursday morning and was 5 min late. boss lady puts me down half hour late even if it is 5 mins usually. I don't ask why. She showed me a project she was working on the nite before. I continued Thursday & Friday. The elderly man I sit for hmm his laundry room is a tiny closet area. There was a bunch of stuff behind it she was trying to vaccum up. I got the waher &  dryer tilted up and there must have been about 50 pecans the mice had brought inside over the years. GROSS! spiders & bugs. yuccky.  I noticed she did not dock me half an hour so I guess she was pleased. On the way home , I decided check on the girl (I had helped her father out before I left) her phone was disconnected. She was glad to see me. I asked if I could bring her anything as Tina was going to town.

Meanwhile, My A worked on the outside dogs pen & cleaning up the house. We had one day to get ready for the vet to come out and do rabies for everyone. Our friend Peggy would cover the cost & we pay her back. She was going to have the Dept of AG guy come too & talk to me about an email I wrote to him. My A wanted to know what I asked him. I had to find the email and look myself. She said it sounded professional. She liked it. (She is always worried I am going to say or give out more information than is necessary to people I talk to)

So she was wanting to leave early to get to her appt Friday on time. I would have to go to work early it was alright though. boss lady needed a break. I guess A did work hard but I do not think she did everything she could have done. She did not work the entire day doing what she did. I asked her to call the library and see if she could renew the books. NOW we can not find either one of the library cards. But I am told to remain calm. ( Now if she drank while I was gone or while I have been back I have no clue & it is not my business. but I would guess she has not since I have been back.) She has continued to add trash to the back of the pickup that I had put in there on the 24th of July.The day I tore up the carborator. We have a camper shell on the back. I bet it smells really good now. She says she will take care of it.

Friday 7:30am went really smooth. The vet breezed thru them all. The dept of AG guy would come another day.I wanted to go back to bed but I stayed awake. the next door neighbors brought the title over to the lincoln & talked & talked. She wanted advice on what to do for her alcoholic son. My A would not let me get a word in edgewise. She gave them all kinds of advice & how she had her demons under control. I went inside.

My A wanted to leave at 11:30am. I said ok, I looked up on mapquest and told her how long it would take her to make it to her appt. Wrong thing to say for me. She got quiet now. She was not ready to leave on time, she was just sitting. She says I need to calm down. I was getting an attitude. I was fuming. She finally got outside & we left to go get gas & cash her check. The gasoline credit was about $75 less this month. YEAH! wait we didn't add in paying others to take us places, I don't think we did.

She dropped me off at work at 12:40. I brought my shop vac to work on the laundry room again, Great, I only have one pain pill. I took it easy at work. My back was killing me & I was tired. He slept a good bit. ( his grandchildren are wanting to sit with him overnite, but they just crawl in the bed and go to sleep. they do not change him, dr him, wash him etc. They want to be paid as if they did) My A picks me up about 5 min late. She set the clock in the car & it is late. She tells me about what she found at the dumpster. hmmm She got her kahkis dirty.

On the ride home, she says she forgot my medications again. She did put in & picked up all of hers. She thought I had called in my meds.  I am out of migraine meds, pain pills, HBP & xanax. We both take the same pain pills & I will be off HBP one day.( I will go myself monday morning and get the medications myself.)  She got by the library after they closed at 6pm so she put them in the box.

hmm She left me at 12:40 for a 1:30 Dr appt. She says she got out at 2:15pm. the pharmacy is in the same building (one floor). she is horrible on directions & refuses to read a map or learn how to get around. She went to Walmart and got nothing I had on the list. She went to another side of town way out of the way to eat at a buffet. She covered the whole town twice almost. With gas prices the way they are now I try to drive less miles out of the way. She went to Target & did not get the cat food on sale. also on the list with the ad. & insurance co (wrong one at first)She realizes she is missing money & goes back to every place she had already been. the pharmacy,) the buffet, &  walmart and again does not get my stuff. the library is near walmart so how she did not get there when they were open beats me. I guess we have to get new cards now. She stopped at a gas station and picked up 2 gallons of milk for my new friend. (I gave her her list too. coffee, I told her perk, sugar, milk & dog food) she didn't know what kinda coffee to get her so she didn't. She got to meet my new friend & the young lady wants to come over and help us out with the animals. Her hubby left in April. He has done this before for the past 9 years. He took 2 of the kids and got an apt & is covering the bills for the household. But she has not ride yet.

She got up this morning and called the local store that cashed her check. There was a commotion at the door and maybe they were over on their balance? They would check into it. It was $100 now it is $77.03 that is unaccounted for now. She has started keeping or getting reciepts. WOW she did do one thing right.I did not go inside so I have no idea.

She has decided to replace one habit with another, sodas for booze.  Whatever! I guess I thought or expected for her brain to return if she got sober for awhile. I handed her a card from Lowes I got in the mail yesterday. $10 off next $50 purchase. Well she threw it out telling me it had expired. She retrieved it from some nasty trash. Oops. It is good till august 27th. Now she says her pain meds are not working her legs are like moving all nite.  

I am so angry. How could she completely forget? Not once, twice, three times but more than that. F*&% IDIOT! She just reached across my desk just now. GAG! How do you not know you have bad body odor? I want to shake some sense into her. Where did the person I met 14 years ago go? I know I am not the same person now either but damn. She has a brain in there somewhere. How do pretend everything is beautiful when you live with a dumb person? sober or drunk she acts the same. I could see forgettting if you are drinking but..........

My heart & pluse are still racing. I am going to go to town to get some of the stuff I need today. I have to go to work at 8pm to 8am. I have learned to sleep when the elderly man does if I need rest. Just a short nap helps.

But I do not get it. If my life is planned before I got here then this was going to happen anyway? I was telling my cousin, he said he feels the same way too, sometimes I feel like telling people I meet that act like they want to get to know me to not. I feel like telling them to not waste my time or theirs because it will not end on a good note. I try to surpress those feelings. I know I can not shut myself off from the world.